Parenting.

Okay, so its not WLS, but you guys are my people so I must share here. Some of you know my story, but for those that don't, I have a 13 year old Autistic son. Brenden is VERY high functioning for the most part. Most have no clue he is Autistic. He's a very tricky kid. One minute he's with me, the next he's gone. He hasn't always lived with me for reasons I won't get in to on here but things are very well for the most part. He turned 13 last month and has immediately taken on weird (but apparently normal) behaviors of a teenager. I'm just worried that his mind is not in sync with his body. I recently figured out he was playing with fire in our bathroom and he's been watching Real Sex/Cathouse on HBO On Demand. I know this probably doesn't sound bad to most of you, but its just new to me. I battle with dealing with a teenager in general, let alone an Autistic teenager. Communication and cognitive thinking are major dilemna. He also has a mild MR that adds to the problem. My husband is his Step Father and really hasn't taken on that role. He didn't have a father growing up and really doesn't know where to begin with this either. Have any of you had any experience with this? His teacher and I are working together on safety and a touch of sex ed, but I know he isn't comfortable talking about this stuff with women. My son has always been the kid that turns his head when nudity is on the screen and he doesn't cuss at all. He's very bashful, so to realize that he is watching this stuff is totally out of context. I guess its bound to happen, I'm just not prepared. I think I scared the crap out of him telling him about what he could've done had he started a fire in our apartment complex. There hasn't been any reoccurance of that. I also locked up OnDemand and "adult" titles so hopefully that will eliminate him watching soft porn, but that's not going to solve the problem. Any advice would be greatly appreciated Amber P.S. They locked down chunks of the web at work so I can't check my Yahoo email, I can be emailed at [email protected]

Hey Amber. I don't have much advice on this subject but wanted to let you know that I am here for you. I don't have kids of my own and my boyfriend's kids are girls so it is definitely a different set of issues all together. I work with the disabled so I know that your son's disabilities also play into this and make it a bit tougher. Wish I knew something to help. Keep on plugging through, you have the strength. Courtney

Thanks, Court, just you being here does wonders for me. This too shall pass, just another bump in my rode to happiness. I wouldn't trade my life for anything. Thanks for being you! Amber

You are doing the right things with Brenden. My husband or my ex didn't want to "talk" to our son either. And what do I know about being a boy!?They later both had to talk to him when 'certain things' happened. Maybe just tell him that his body will start to change. He may get a mustache or beard like Daddy does. his voice will get deeper,etc. I really like being in the car with my kids. You have a captive audience even if you don't think he is listening. I'm glad to hear your heart is OK. We all know you have a big one. Jen

You're too kind, Jen. That's the nicest thing I've heard all month! I'm hoping in time either my husband will come around or one of my guy friends will step up. My brother has recently joined us but he is in no position to be helping with this (very immature). I may try taking him for a ride to do the talk, that way I do have most of his attention, doing anything at the house is tough, he is too stimulated. I'm sure it will all work out, its just tougher some days. Can't wait to see ya next month! Amber

HI Amber, I am so sorry that you are having to deal with these teenage boy issues on top of everything else, but I amglad to hear that your heart checked out fine. Yeah! Now about your son, my son is 14 years old, and (knock on wood) I have not had any of these issues. I did get rid of cable last year just because I did not want to take the chance of my kids being able to watch any of those crazy shows at home. All we have is basic TV service. So now my kids wathc Animal Planet all the time when they do watch TV. Is there a male guidance counselor at school or a male teacher that he is close to that you could get to talk to him? Or is there any other male in your family that might talk to him. I wish I could offer more advice, but I hope you know that I am here for you! Call me if you need a shoulder to lean or or an ear to bend. I'm here! Hugs, Robin

Hey my good friend! I just read about your checkup and that's wonderniffle! Very proud of you. Brenden is in an Autistic program at a regular public school but I don't think he has any involvement with the public faculty. His teacher is a female but they do have a male teacher that works with them in social studies. I may ask his teacher if its a possibility if he could talk to him. His therapist is a girl too, but his PCP is a man. I do have options. I will make it happy. I guess I'm just having one of those days...weeks...months...! No, it's all good. I have it so much better than others do, I just need to quit complaining and be grateful that I have a healthy beautiful boy. I'll be seeing you soon, Amber

Amber, I've raised two sons, now 19 and 21 and it can be difficult. My youngest did similar things with fire at that age. It's a common problem with boys and you're right to be concerned. I believe the city has a fire safety course that is available. It may only be for kids that have actually started fires, but not sure. Call your nearby fire station and ask for information. They should have resourse information available or know where to look. As far as the other...it will work it's way out. Both my sons are very open as a result of growing up with only a mother around. Good luck, Sheila

Amber- I have zero advice for you since I don't have kids, nor do I even have nephews (all girls in my family!). I just wanted to let you know that I'm sending postive thoughts and prayers your way as you navigate this time with your son. Christina S

My heart goes out to you Amber. I use to work with a woman in the ER who had some of the same issues with her son, who happened to be autistic also. I may not have the answers..but you know where I am if ya need a shoulder !! Dana