Hubby not happy with weight loss!!

Help me out here OH family!  I got married just shy of 6 months ago.  I also had the surgery 3 days after getting married.  My husband thought I was fine before surgery but I had decided on it way before he came into the picture.  So, he was okay with it because he said it was for my health.  Now, I have lost to date 76lbs. I am currently at 167lbs, with a doctors goal of 140lbs and a personal goal of 125lb.  Ladies and gents.....my sex life has become non-exsistent!  He constantly complaines that I am too small.  Are you kidding!  I am wearing a size 12 to 10 depending on the brand.  He complains that I don't feel the same when he holds me and stuff.  He says there is nothing wrong with our sex and that he is tired. I am afraid that he is losing or has lost he physical attraction to me.  I think and others that I look good.  He tells me that he did not marry a small woman....he married a big woman and that's what he wants.  Now, he wants me to get my tubes undone to have achild...I think that's for me to gain weight. We have 4 children, but none are ours together.  What do you think?  I have tried to talk to him but I don't get any feedback really.

It has to be tough to deal with this early in your marriage and early in your weight loss.  It is true that some men prefer bigger women.  He may be having a hard time adjusting.  I know that a lot of times it is mentioned that the story behind these kind of actions is insecurity and that the significant other is afraid that by losing weight, you will become more attractive to others and that you may think that you are missing out on something or that your partner isn't good enough and want to leave them.  The guy I was dating before I had surgery said similar things and said that he would be telling me when I was losing too much weight etc.  The more I thought  about it I didn't want my loss to be directed or dictated by what someone else wanted because I knew I would want to please him, so that along with other factors in our relationship caused me to go ahead and end it before I had surgery.  You need to sit down and talk with your hubby about it all, what he feels, what your feel, what the dr. says and how to proceed.  Maybe counseling is an option. I can understand the point of wanting a child together, a lot of mixed families feel that way.  Some things to consider would be (looking from all sorts of angles); most dr.'s recommend that you wait at least a year before trying to get pregnant, you would have to have another procedure to have your tubes undone, how much would that cost, you would have to watch the nutrition and vitamins extra carefully as to not harm the baby, you mentioned that you have 4 children already between the two of you, is there time, attention, space, money available for a 5th, how will the other children feel.  There are so many things to consider.  Most importantly you need to do what is best for you, secondly what is best for your children.  Keep your head up and don't give up.  You can make it through this.

Hi there- I don't really have much to add (Courtney covered pretty much all the things I would have), but I wanted to let you know that I'm sorry you're having to go through this. Please hang in there and keep praying.

Sounds like he has some insecurity issues going on.  Our weight loss really impacts our spouses or significant others also.  Heck..it effects alot of people around us.  At times mine seems okay...but then at other times he starts to doubt himself and thinks I am plotting up a plan to leave him. There are sooooooo many psychological aspects that go along with WLS.  Some of our peers on here go to thereapy regulary just to stay on top of these issues.  Maybe that could be an option for you guys.  I mean seeing a specialist in the WLS area..not a pastor or something..because I think the body image things probably needs to be approached by someone who has specific training and understanding in that area.  I recently asked my husband if we should go.  He has been a little uprooted by all the drastic changes in me.  I try to reassue him that I am still the same me just not obese and much more happy.  Who knows if we will need professional intervention in the future but I have an open mind to it. Hang in there and talk to him.  Don't let anyone sabatoge you.  Sometimes people will TRY to do that and not even realize it because they are having a hard time adjusting to the new and improved you..  Hopefully all this will pass. Big big hugs and lots of luck !!! Dana

I agree with Dana--it may be your husband likes big women, and it may be he is afraid OTHER men iwll find you attractive.  He may be afraid you will leave him. Make decisions for yourself--Why in the world would a man who loves the REAL inner you want you to gain weight and make YOURSELF unhappy?

If you don't want any more children do not have any more.  You could do all the things he wants and STILL not make him happy, then you would have one my child, be heavy again, and alone. Do to suit yourself and he should support you in your decisions.

JMHO, Lois

Thank you