Speaking of our "Inner Fat Girl" ...

I was reading Corinne's post and some of the responses and got to thinking about this... ( Dang....this site is STILL just as addicting as ever. I logged on to check on Natalie and here I am two hours later.  I NEED to log off and go to work and call my pre-op patients for Friday but here I am.... STILL !!!   I use to be on here all day and night when I first had my surgery and for the first year.  Now I haven't been on much because of my new job and lifestyle but I see how much I have missed the people, support, interaction, and good times !!!  ) Sometimes I REALLY REALLY REALLY miss those pints on Ben and Jerry's, warm Pillsbury chocolate cookies and chunks of cookie dough.....  I miss the Raspberry Zingers which I could eat a box of in a day...and the Twinkies, Suzy Q's..and all the other devilish stuff !!!  It kills me at times.  My mouth starts to water and I get anxious around it.  None of that has gone away.  At times it isn't as bad as it was..but it is STILL bad.  I try to avoid situations that revolve around so much food if at all possible. Thank God for this surgery and  that I can't tolerate sugar well.  I dump....the rapid heart rate and feeling of doom.  Then 2 hrs later I get SEVERE reactive hypoglycemia.  My blood sugar will plummet into the 30's and 40's.  Then I feel like **** for the rest of the day.  This helps keep me on track.  Pretty drastic tool...but it works. When my inner fat girl starts talking to me and asking to be unleashed I log on to Victoria Secret.  I start putting clothes in my shopping cart.  Sometimes I order sometimes I don't.  I try to focus on all the options and open doors I have now that I didn't have at almost 300lbs.  I sure couldn't order those cute clothes.  I wore the same big girl outfits over and over again.  I try to think of the confidence that soars in me now, the kayaking I can tolerate for an entire day, the long runs, being able to keep up with my kids.  Some of this shuts my "inner fat girl" up. At times it doesn't.  I guess she will never completely go away.  Damn her !!!! I hope everyone has a great Wednesday.  I have GOT to log off and get on the road !!!! , Dana

Ah what a interesting suggestion.  Window shopping with the option to purchase.  That would probably be a good way to pick up the self esteem.  I might have to try that. It is great to hear from you.  I am glad that life is keeping you busy and satisfied but we miss you. 

Oh, I hear ya on this one.  Sometimes she just rags on and on about how it would be nice ot "meet up with some old friends, again".  But.....I just politely tell her to "F-OFF!" Some days it is harder than others, but I know what will happen if I let her play. My trainer told me that she was concerned that I may be "too obsessed" - HA!  To a point, you have to be.  If I make the wrong choice I'm either sick or on the path to starting up old habits again.  It's like weigh my options.....263 pounds or obsession.  I'll take obsession any day! So....you've transferred your addiction to Victoria's Secret, huh?  Beats the hell out of Ben and Jerry is my answer!

Are you coming to the support group meeting tonight?  The topic is: Self-Image After Weight Loss Surgery.  Should be good and informative. Ok....so don't be such a stranger!

So that's who that is telling me that I "need" Peanut M&Ms and that it's ok because peanuts are protein!  Devil-woman! The kicker for me is that since my gallbladder surgery things have gotten worse....now not only does she crave sugar, but also high fat things!  I had a protein bar the other morning. Pre-gallbladder surgery this bar went down fine, no issues at all....but now! OMGoodness I wanted to die! I had the whole  AND   ...at the same time as being clammy and flush!  I call that dumping in my world!  I'm thinking that it's the fat content (it's a tad high for a protein bar), since the sugar content was really low.  Totally get what you're saying......I should try the window shopping thing. I just try to keep busy...do homework, housework, call a family member or friend....avoidance works sometimes, although I have fallen for the peanut M&Ms story a few times....darn her is right!