INSENSITIVITY

while i'm at my most hypersensitive it seems that my husband has become a class #1 jerk. i'm having lapband surgery next thursday and i'm so mad i am spitting nails. i'm on day 5 of he liquid diet.  a couple of days ago he made the remark in front of a friend of mine and me that i have a low pain threshold. i reminded him that i gave birth to a 9 lb10 oz baby. not a c section either. this morning i thought about it again and just blew up. i told him he has no idea what someone else's pain is besides his own. how dare he. i asked for an example and he didn't have one. he said just in general... i've complained for months about knee pain, and foot swelling and such, but not lately. he doesn't understand. & i took care of this man's every need when he had heart surgery in 2005 and back surgery this past March. i wanted to smack the tar out of him right upside his head.  

Please keep in mind that you're both probably feeling a bit on edge and a touch sensitive since your surgery is so close.  That said....I know all about those kinds of comments and wanting to smack the tar out of a husband....hopefully your situation is just the temporary nerves of surgery.

I have a b/f who can be very insensitive at times and it always seems to be when you need the support the most. I cant tell you how many times he has made me angry and feel like he didnt care about my needs. But then he aways comes back with the sensitiveness and caring loving ways, and it all goes away. Your hubby is going through this with you right now and if he was like my b/f didnt know how to react. Ask him to be patient and if he needs to talk to talk with you and ask questions and to be more sensitive to your feelings and needs. Making jokes and being ugly you dont need now you need his support and he needs you to tell jim this. Men need to be told there like kids sometimes. They dont understand how we feel unless we spell it out for them. ANd Im not being mean so men dont bash me. Im just being honest here.

 sometimes i get tired of trying to teach him how to care i tell him all the time what i need and it goes in one ear and out the other. don't get me wrong; i'm not a "needy" type person...  i guess we have other issues too and this isn't a good time. i'm afraid i'm not going to want him anywhere around me because he'll be rolling his eyes if i'm in pain after surgery. he said "it's just a band... how bad can it hurt???" he thinks i should be up and at 'em right away & i said it just depends on how it goes... i won't know til it happens.

Well it must be going around this week.  There was a full moon this week and I think that explains both the men being jerks and us women being sensitive. Like Melinda said there may be some concerns on his mind and he just opens up his mouth and the first things he thought of popped out.  Try and talk to him but most importantly remember you are doing this for you and your health. 

y'all are so wise.  i tried to talk to him last night and ultimately i know this is about my health and me getting healthier. he's trying he said to be understanding and meant it as a joke. hahaha i got a prayer shawl at church this morning &  we went swimming after church, so i'm feeling better all over. thank you ladies for your support. it ain't easy.

ok...how much "education" does he really have about your upcoming surgery?  Did he go with you for the seminar or met with your surgeon?  What I'm picking up from your posts is that he is ignorant of the facts & making assumptions/judgement based on NOTHING!!  Perhaps he's also in denial...I bet he's scared to death & may not even realize it.

Even the best husbands & b/f's can say the dumbest things at the absolute wrong time.  Take my Michael, for instance.  Ya'll know how much we adore each other, yet on the very first night that my heart problems began, while I was hooked up to machines, scared out of my mind, my darling says to me "You sure picked the wrong time to do this."  ARE YOU KIDDING ME???  Yes, dear...I laid awake for weeks planning this just to inconvenience YOU!  I was so angry & so hurt that I told the ICU nurse NOT to let him in to see me anymore because everytime he came in my pulse & blood pressure would shoot up.  I realized later that he was just as scared as I was & just plain didn't seem to have any control over his mouth.  I mean, come on now...in the words of Robin Williams...also a man...God gave them a brain & a penis & only enough blood to work one at a time!  (sorry guys, but it's true)...LOL.

Maybe you can convince him to go speak with your wl team or at the very least let him come HERE.  There's an awful lot of support & attention given to us, but I really haven't seen a whole lot available for the family members.

Just my thoughts, for whatever they may be worth to you.  In the meantime, stay strong & stay committed to the brave decision you made to have this surgery.  And for Heaven's sake, avoid the urge to smack him...I don't think we've set up a bail fund yet!

 

(((((((((((Ann)))))))))))) that is why i love you. you are so very right. he only has enough blood to run one head at a time. he went to the first seminar with me back in february. he can't remember from one day to the next, so forget february... he's also hard of hearing and in denial about THAT... i have to repeat everything i say and i get so tired of doing that i could scream. so coming here and to lapband.com is a great thing for me.  i guess he does the best with what he has... he just has the biggest case of CRS i've ever see... he is 71 though so it comes with the territory.