Need to vent..

Hello all, Has been awhile since i last posted...so much has been happening lately...First off...i have been stalled in the 240s for almost a year....i have been drinking sodas...i know i shouldn't...also finding trhat my pouch has allowed me to eat more...guess its stretching...since i found out that plastics were pretty much out of the question....things have went down hill....i came down with a bad infection on my face last month...the docs said they felt it was a staff infection....i felt there was more to it.....i went to the health department for HIV testing, i was told if things came back bad...i would get a call quickly...well no word....so after a week or so i called them.....the lady there told me that my results was back...she said they couldn't give them out over the phone...but did add that iff anything bad had came back...i would have got a call....so...i felt i was negative and in the clear....well a week later i got a call from the health department said i needed to come in...i ask if this was about my test...she said all she could tell me was that we had alot to talk about....well i went in...and she proceded to tell me that my test had caame back and i am HIV positive...she ask all kinds of questions about my health, i told her that i attribtted all issues to gastric bypass....anyway..i have a appoointment with the infectious disease doctor in Janurary....My man Allen has been tested ansd so far he is negative for everything...you guys say a prayer that he will stay that way....bad thing is i found out i was positive on our 1 year anniversary......Anyway..old habbits are trying their damndest to come back..i have always been a stress eater.....as of today im at 250.....i honestly feel i can live with being HIV positive easier than i can live with being morbidly obese again....so any suggestions PLEASE help...im not comfortable posting this here as this is a small community and i feel if this gets out i will be as though i have the plague....but i need support BAD, Allen and my ex wife are doing all they can........but its so rough...i feel like i went through so much to feel good, look good...and here i am....but i think i have always heard that alot of peoples sex drive goes rampant after surgery.......im considering researching this and working on a lecture....would like tho think i can help anyone avoid this.....any input will be greatly appreciated.....and thanks for listening... Randy

Randy- You are so brave for sharing with us and I sincerely hope that those on this board will respect that as much as I do.  I'm not sure I can offer much help, but the first thing that popped into my mind after reading your post was that you should seek professional counseling to deal with the stress eating. I know I'm an emotional eater as well and working through the emotions and HONESTLY feeling them (instead of eating through them) has been so tough.  You will need to take care of yourself and your body more than ever now...as I'm sure you know. I hope that you can bring something good and positive from what you are going through in time. 

Glad to hear from you. Wi**** were under better cir****tances. I also hope others will be respectful and supporting to you. I will be glad to pray for you.There may be more boards online for this type of support to from people that have been there or are there. Seems to help to have someone that has walked in your shoes rather than outside info that may not really be the truth. Prayers is certainly something that can help you from anyone right now. God Bless You! Shannon

Randy: I am so sorry to hear of your situation and will keep you in my prayers. As you know, you can live a long and healthy life being HIV +, but not being morbidly obese. So put yourself in Boot Camp and get back to the basics - knock off soda, eat lean meats and veggies, and get some good protein drinks. Drink your water and exercise. Not only will this help your weight, but will get you to a place where your are both physically and mentally tough - which you have to be now. A healthy  "WLS lifestyle" will go far in your ability to successfully live well with HIV. Take a deep breath and get your head wrapped around what you need to do. A little mindful meditation wouldn't hurt. BJ

Randy, Hi.  My name is Christina.  I read your post and just wanted to send some encouragement your way.  I have not had my surgery yet but I can tell you that you can live a long and healthy life while being HIV+.  I have a close friend who was very over weight and found out that he was HIV+.  He started eating better and exercising.  He does low carbs and he has lost over 80 lbs.  He looks great and feels great most of the time.  He is doing well and you can too.  You have to have a positive attitude.  Look back at everything you have been through and I am sure there were things that you felt like you could not handle or you would not make it through but you did.  I bet you are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.  Sounds like you have a good support system.  Be encouraged and share your story with others.  That is important. Take care, vent today and tomorrow make a plan to get healthy and live your life to the fullest. God Bless You! Christina

Randy, I pray that God will meet you right where you are - down and broken, that He will uphold you with His love, and that He will give you the strength, courage, and wisdom you need for today, then tomorrow, and each day that follows. Thank you for sharing your story and your pain. God bless you. Joe Bear

Thanks to everyone who has responded...when i went to bed last night..i questioned myself on posting this...but for now i feel it was thr right thing to do...all of your words of encouragement mean ALOT...I do know i can get through this...i guess for now its just new...i will be going through {normal} life..if anyone has that.....then all of a sudden it****s me....im HIV+..but i keep telling myself that i am no different than i was before...im in a monogamous relationship...i just need to be more health concious...Thanks again....and i hope you all have a wonderful week....the sun is shinning here :-).. Hugs to all Randy

Good am Randy - its taken a lot for you to come and share your story here with us. Sometimes that is the hardest part getting up the courage to share your story but when you do TRUST ME the positive responses and words of encouragement and support and love are so much more tremendous than those who cannot see past their insecurities and negativity. I hope that you do research and work on a lecture to share your story and I believe that you will touch others lives and hearts in doing so. I know that you are running a huge range of emotions right now with all of this but try and focus on taking care of yourself first and foremost. You've got a tool so focus on using it again. Reach out to others for tips/tricks and get back on track. Lean on family & friends for support and encouragement, arm yourself with knowledge (BIG factor in ANY success in our lives) and remember that YOU are important and YOU can be the light in an otherwise dark place for not just yourself but the countless others have may not believe they will ever be heard. I will add you to our prayer list and I ask that God bless you with knowledge, understanding, support and love beyond imagination. In your small community there will be those that judge and they will not be supportive. Those folks are the ones that honestly will make you more determined and you will be reminded that there is still ignorance, selfishness, greed and so forth still alive and well. But, then you will realize deep in your heart and soul that you are a living story and a man with hopes, dreams, spirit and you will change the lives of others!!!! In addition, the classic saying "kill 'em with kindness" springs to mind. My thoughts and prayers are with you now and always. Keep your chin up and don't give up. Be encouraged not discouraged.

Hey there my friend Ya know if you need me call me!! I don't know if you have my new cell number..I will PM it to ya.   hugs

Randy I reiterate what everyone else has said - it was a very brave and courageous thing to do to come here and share your story  - it came from the heart - and we are a support group after all and should support you no matter what. We are not here to judge you and but for the grace of god any of us could be walking in your shoes. There have been many advances in the treatment of HIV so don't give up - the doctors will help you. As for your weight loss - although this news has been a blow - you know you need to get back on track so you can feel better about yourself. You need to get back to basics - protein, water - low carbs and eat only what you are supposed to. Make sure you take your vits because now your health will depend on it too.  You need to help build your body's strength back up - make sure you are exercising too. We are all here routing for you and you can lean on us when you need us.  You are a brave person Randy - you can do what needs to be done and let God take his course from there!  You can count on us! Jackie