What's with me??????????

I swear you'd tihnk I wa****ting a mid life crisis in my twenty's if you didnt know any better! One day Im gung ho...everything will be great, no worried, no nerves and the next Im scared to death, thinking about uping my life insurance, panicing, shaking... I need to pick an emotion! I mean I know nerves are normal...Ive seen the thousands of topics and responses...but some days are just terrible!!! One day I just want it to be over with and then some days Im irratated because it's taking longer then I first thought it would, and then some days I freaking out because it's so close and it's almost as if I never really imagined it would ever come...like I havent been preparing for it for almost a year! I play these games in my head...( some might know what Im talking about ) Sort of like when you were a kid and you woke up to go to the bathroom late and night and you went running into your bedroom and leaped over the rug because you told your self if you didnt touch the rug the monster under the bed wouldnt get you... Ive lost a few too many people to unexpected and early deaths this last year and it has my mind racing...am I right with the lord, and etc and etc...but then to I feel like If I am then maybe I would be picked over someone else because they arent... ( sillyness I know ) Esp since Ive been telling myself forEVER that when it;s my day to go...Im going to go. There's nothing I can do to prevent it...rather I be on an OR table or in my living room...when it;s my time, it's my time.....But Im so scared to leave my babies!!!! They need me ...They dont have the same father and if something were to happen to me...they wouldnt just lose me, they'd lose eachother because they would be seperated...JUST A TERRIBLE THING TO THINK ABOUT. I know Im sounding crazy to all of you...but I figured I might as well be honest and just tell you some of the things that keep crossing my mind!!! Im really scared Brandi~

Sometimes I just want to reach through the message board and give people a swift kick in the butt or a big ole hug.  You my friend need a hug. 1.  This is a stage we all go through before surgery; some worst than others but it is normal I think when facing elective surgery that really isn't elective.  If you continue at your weight and health and the trends of the recent past contiue, how long before your kids won't have their mom? 2.  Yes, people die from this and anyother surgery, but with the surgeon you have and the ratio of success from this procedure,...you are more like to die from getting hit by a truck than this surgery. 3.  By doing this, you are making the purposeful  and concious choice to try and live longer and healthier than ever before and be ther for your kids and husband. 4.  A year from now, you will be rejoicing in your new life and kicking yourself for not doing it sooner. If you are worried about getting right with the Lord, talk it over with him and let him know your fears and concerns in prayer.  Don't make deals with Him.  Talk to him about all of the things in life you are grateful for and all the blessing you have enjoyed to date, then tell him about these concerns.  And if you want open and honest answers, be open and honest with Him and yourself during this very private conversation. Also if you want simple answers yuo can understand, ask simple questions.  I recommend ones requiring a yes or no answer, or help me to know in a way I can understand but I leave this in your hands and trust you will help me to know the best thing to do, They will be done.  And lastly,...because it is conversation with your Father in heaven,...don't forget to listen.  Pause after asking questions and see how you feel (was that a yes or a no, did I feel good about that or nothing at all?).  And listen at the end before saying Amen. People often pray to God but then doo all of the talking and no listening.  A good feeling is a yes and there will be no doubt in your might about it.  A no will either be obviuos too or merely the absence of a good feeling because it wasn't a yes. However, don't jump to conclusions, maybe he wants you to ponder these thing s bit and talk with him some more after you've had a little time and then all of a sudden, like a light turned on or some one hit you over the head, the answer will be obvious, in a way you understand and others aren't even aware happened,....poof!    The next phase will be, why am I having this surgry if I can lose weight like this in preparation for surgery?  The answer is you have lost weight before, in variying amounts for varying lengths of time, for years, and what happens everytime??  We gain it back plus some?? This surgery will provide you an opportunity to relearn how to eat, motivate you to reincorporate (or for some of us, develop new habits) levels of activity/exercise/physical invlovement and come to enjoy it.  To be able to move around without balls of sweat and other concern we are going to pass out or have a heart attack at any minute.  It is going to give you an opportunity to lose a large amount of weight over a 12-24 month period.  If you don't take advantage of the opportunity provided druing the inital window, to develop those new habits or conciously decide you have to have those old habits, you will again much of the weight back.  That why we say it is not magic, it is a tool. Use it and benefit. Don't use it or abuse it and dig yourself back into the hole as before surgery. Then there is the phase where loved ones and friends wil try to talk you out of the surgery becasue it is os risky and you could die, it may already be happening to you and causing this current doubting.  These loving individuals have not lived as you have and have not done the research and learning you have.  They have not invested the timeand energy into meeting and reading about the experience of others that have had this procedure or been to the surgeon and learned what you are getting into.  And lastly, they do not have the desire and hope for a new and better life, only the desire for the current and familiar to remain unchanged.  Do youwan the current to remain unchanged or do you want a try at a healthier, happier and more active and mobile you?? I had thsi death concern too before surgery only I had a heart that was missing beats to the point I wasn't sure I'd survive surgery. But it was also evident to me that I wasn't going to survive with out surgery either.  Don't wait until yu get that bad off, as I did before you do this.  This WLS has changed my life.  It is like having a second chance at youth.  If I had it to do over again, I would have had it done 10 years earlier.  I am that happy with the results and post-op requirements and lifestyle.  You will be too. Hang with the OH.com friends.  Keep reading the profiles of others and looking at the before and after pictures.  That will be you soon. Examine why those that have success do, and whats happening or not happening for those that aren't.  Be objective and honest.  Tyie a knot in the end of that rope of your and hold on.. You are on the uphill part of the big hill on that rolleroaster of life and dayof surgery is the capping of the peak.  Thats when you throw bothhands into the air, scream with joy and enjoy the ride  starting woththe trewmedeous rush starting down on the otherside of waking up after it over.  What a ride!

This responce my friend is why you are one awesome support group leader !  I have been on this board now for 4 years . And I have never seen such a more profound responce to this topic .  There is nothing I can add except to say .. Amen !!  Much respect ,  Tink

Definitely keep contributing your manly words of wisdom!!!  You have a powerful message.  So glad you are part of us.

Thank you all so much....Joe your an angel!

Your welcome Brandi, and ladies whom I admire greatly. I just opened up and spoke from the heart the things as I sincerrely felt it might be of the most help. Hope it works as well for you as it does for me.

Man o man Joe, I had to run for the box of tissues! You said it perfectly. The more I get to know you the more I admire you. Thanks for being a part of my life!

Wow, so glad we have Joe popping in a bit more with his manly words of wisdom.  He response pretty much says it all. You are in a stage of limbo right now as you wait and I am sure that has a lot to do with the back and forth emotions.  All of it sounds pretty normal.  I felt a lot the same way.  I was writing letters to my loved ones, just in case.  Got out of a not so good relationship right before surgery, because I needed a fresh start, despite advice from others to wait.  It was all overwhelming & very scary.  I came real close to backing out of surgery while in prep that morning. We are here for you so stop by and vent whenever necessary.  This is part of your journey, the decisions you make will be the ones that are right for you.  You are not alone & you will make it through this.

Hi Brandi, You are definately not alone in your fears, I too , should be having surgery in March or April and now that it has become a reality, I am afraid of going under anasteshia. I know I may not come out, that's my biggest fear, but Joe has helped a little to put things into perspective hasn't he? He needs to write a 'How to talk to the Lord " book. I think I will take some of his advice and get a little closer to the big man and help get my boogiemen out from under the bed!Pam

Good pm Brandi, I am REALLY love Joe's response. He really touched on many great points. The only things I'd like to add are you are not alone, we are here to support you, give things over to the Lord and let Him take the reigns & prayers are coming your way. Thanks for sharing your post as it is truly touching & it means a lot you are sharing your journey with us all. All best......