Time is flying by!!!

It really is moving right along. Kinda tense for me now. I know Im still a lil more than a week away and my nerves arent too bad yet. At this point it's still really hard to imagine how close thing's really are. Heck, it's still really hard to believe Im doing this! I spent three year's of my life making the decision to have this surgery, and then another year in the application/waiting period. I used to think that it would be selfish of me to chance and risk serious complications to me and ultimatly my family...even death. I pushed that thought to the side a long time ago and now Im finding that Im confronted with that thought again so close to going through with it. I have two children who have different biological father's. Im very affraod of the chance of anything happening to me that would split them up and ultimatly and drasticly sramble their lives and seperate them. One of them would not only lose me but also his brother and the only father who has ever been there for him. I know that if it;s my day, it;s my day...but now Im faced with how would my children feel about my decision if it were for the worst? All these thing;s going through my head and Im still procradtenating on getting thing's done. Even with a court date on tuesday and a going with momspeer ( marion ) on Wed for her surgery...Im acting like I have all the time in the world to get things done and I dont. Im still putting off writting letters to my boy's...I really think thing's will be fine but I couldnt even think of going through with this surgery without crossing my t's and dotting my i's. My head's spinning Brandi~

(((((((((((Brandi)))))))))))) All I can do is send a hug because I'm feeling very much the same things.  I did write a letter to my kids, but it could be something I would write any day of the week.  I didn't want it to be any different than usual.  I'm planning on the best!  I forgot to call the sub today and make sure she still plans to take my class for the rest of the week!  OOPS! I'll call her in the morning, but still, that's cutting it close, since my surgery is Tuesday!  Don't worry about getting everything done.  Make a prioritized list, and go from there. That's what I'm trying to do, meanwhile, I'm battling nerves.  I think the worry about surgery gone wrong decreases as you get closer.  the closer I get the more I focus on after surgery, and just getting it over with rather than the what if's.   Go get  a pedicure or massage. Something relaxing and self nurturing. I skipped some laundry and went for a pedi today and I feel much more at ease.   We'll just hold hands and jump in this pool together!  We've got lots of friends already in the pool, here. 

Brandi, I am so sorry u r feeling so tense. I too was really nervous but I did not write letters. I didn't want to even think the worst could happen. I also waited a long time for my surgery. Being scared, nervous, concerned...etc are all normal feelings. Take this next week to do things for yourself. Try to relax. I know it is easier said than done. We are here for you. Even if you need to scream. Take care and good luck with everything.

Good am Brandi, You are truly not alone with feeling and thinking all you are. Its very hard to think about such things. You might consider taking things step by step, day by day. Don't think for a minute the boys don't know how much you love them and others in your life. You have a lot to think about and plan for so now put your mind to it and know that we are here for you every step of the way and are rooting & praying for you. The process for me took years as well. Not so much the approval part but the planning and finally going through with it. Its like with anything worth having/doing in your life. It takes work, prayer, determination, planning and digging deep within yourself and finding that which you really & truly want. You've come this far and know that no matter what you do you are loved. Please keep reaching out to us often and prayers are going up for you for sure. All best.....

Brandi-

Sending you a great big hug!   I, like you, was VERY nervous prior to my surgery.  I mean, to the point where I updated my will and my insurance policies "just in case".  IThese thoughts simply mean that you understand the significance of this surgery and how dangerous it can be.  BUT...also realize how dangerous your life will be if you do not have the surgery.....a slow agonizing death is what awaits you if you choose to not have the surgery.  I mean...hate to be so blunt, but if you have not been successful with getting the weight off on your own, that really is what awaits you.  Heart disease...diabeties.....lonliness/depression/low self esteem.....back problems.......arthritist....breathing problems....and a LOT more........ All I can tell you is to put those thoughts in the back of your mind and let the positive thoughts come forward.  They will get you through all of this. Also...we are here for you! Sorry about the spelling...it's still too early - haha!

Brandi I do know how you feel about the letter! My son was only 2 years old when I had surgery and I tried to write a letter to him, but everytime I started it I broke down in tears because I did not want to leave him either!  Then I just decided that I was not going to write a letter NOR die - I never wanted him to feel that if I died during surgery that I did it for him or that he ever felt it was his fault - I thought that was way too big a burden for him to bear. So I decided I was not going to die and put thoughts of doing that out of my head.  After that I was able to focus much easier on the surgery. Yes there are risks but it is rare for someone to die - and then I just thought positively about it.  Try to relax up to the surgery - things will all happen whether you are there to do them or not - people will just get on with them.... it is only a few short days away and then we can welcome you onto the losers bench! I am thinking about you - and remembering all my feelings of anxiety at that time too........ now it is over 2 years away and I feel it has passed so fast! Jackie

 Brandi catch your spinning head and put some of your fears to rest, as you have already heard we had them all. And there going to be there but with the modern medical works there not as bad as in the past. Like you have already had good advice  put the negative things in the back and pull all the positives out and  relax go do things to make yourself feel better and just think about all the good things that will come with the upcoming surgery, and weightloss. You are in my prayers and Im wishing you all the best. We are all here for you so come here as often as you need to before surgery to ask questions yell cry whatever you feel you need to do to get through your days, we are here for you!!! ((((((((HUGS))))))) We love you.......

Thanks again you guy's for once again talking me off of the ledge lol I have a feeling there may be a few more of those talks but you know Im just practicing for the help Im going to offer other's once Im on the loser's bench!

Youa re fine.....everything you are feeling is NORMAL.  Just know that you are NOT alone in this.  And rememebr...I am literally right up the street, so if you need anything, gimme a shout.

HUGS!!!  Your feelings and thoughts are completley normal.  We all do this for not only ourselves but our families so we can have longer happier lives with thatm.  Keep that as your focus and things positive thoughts.  I know it is hard...the "what if's"...but don't let that consume you.  Think about your future and all the things you will do that maybe you wouldn't be able to do without surgery.  It will be okay.  :)