confused and upset

First, I want to thank all of you who took the time to read my post and respond.  You are all so nice and supportive.  I am 33 and have 2 children.  Not so sure I'm up for anymore kids, although hubby would like us to have one of our own.  Anyways, I, like all of  you, have been on diets since I was 7 or 8 years old.  Constantly loosing and then gaining it back, plus all the head shakes I got from my family in disappointment.  The program I was recently on worked.  I mean I lost weight fairly quickly, but it took an enourmous amount of concentration all day every day, constantly thinking what I could have, what I couldn't , the amount, the water etc.  I understand that after this surgery I will have to be careful, and mindful of what I eat.  But I guess the way I look at this, is that I will know that my body is now engineered so to speak to work with me, not against me.  And that if I eat one thing off my plan, it doesn't completely screw up the all the hard work I had done up until that point.  I currently weigh 317 pounds.  I feel like I am dying slowly.  I feel like my life is happening and I am watching not participating.  I'm tired of starting a diet with all the energy and positive thinking I can possibly muster up, only to fizzle out with mental fatigue and a minimal amount of weight loss.  The doctor I was referring to is my boss.  He is a surgeon, and in fact use to do the open gastric bypass, years ago.  I've worked for him for the last 6 years.  But I will be honest with all of you, for those last 6 years infront of him, I'm a strong, confident woman.  I don't let him see the insecure, weak, constantly struggling, desperate person I feel like I am most of the time.  And can I just say that it's exhausting pretending all the time.  I just want to be me, I want to be that strong, confident woman.  Someone who is who she is all the time, not just in front of some people.  I don't want food to be the center of my life anymore.  I know some of you may say.. "you need to be comfortable with who you are now", and I say I can't, not when I'm constantly trying to get out of this skin, this fat that is overpowering my life.   I can definitely identify with the angel vs. devil conversation.

Your doctor is ignorant about WLS and diet and exercise. WLS is the only durable and effective tool for the morbidly obese. Diet and exercise without surgery works for almost no one with as much weight to lose as we have.

I tell people that I didn't have WLS to lose weight, btw. I've always been able to lose weight just fine. But I can't *keep it off*. That's why I had WLS.

Just a quick answer from me.
I'm down 40 lbs and need about 35 more to go to reach goal. I look pretty darn good right now and its been 2.5 months. If I had not had surgery I know myself and I would probably start giving up and eating like I used to at this point. Of course then the weight would slowly start coming back on and before I knew it, I would be right back where I started, as I have done so many times in the past.
No with the surgery, I can't quit I am so glad!!!!
This time I" will" get to goal and I "will" stay there.
I'm sick of yo yo dieting and so is my body

Do the surgery, stop listening to other people who say to just do it on your own, it does not work on your own.....
Good luck.

My sleeve is my "insurance."  I'm really good at losing weight, when I really commit.  What I'm not so good at is keeping it off. I end the diet, then go right back to the old way of eating.  Or... I lose weight on an ultra-low-carb diet and then realize there's no way to maintain it - one piece of bread and it seemed it would all come right back.  With the sleeve, I don't have to worry about regain.  I know that this tool is permanent, and will be here for me.  I realize that I won't always have the restriction I have now, but I also know that I'll NEVER have to go back to the old stomach that stretched to fit anything I could shove in it. 

I lost 24 pounds prior to my surgery - it just dropped off in two months.  It seemed easier than it had ever been.  I had some second thoughts, like, "If this is so easy, why don't I just keep doing it instead of having surgery?"  Then I realized that just knowing that I would never have to worry again about gaining the weight back was a powerful influence on how well my diet went.  I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else, but for me it was an epiphany - that's when I started looking at my tool as "insurance."  I have to work to get the weight off, but I have a little helper to keep it off.

 I am almost the happiest person alive...I feel so sorry for people who spend each day in diet hell. White knuckling every moment they have cravings. I'm losing steady amounts of weight,I never go without any food. Sorry for those who do but I eat within reason. I can't do pizza crust not because of stomach issues but because it is a waste of my time. I eat the top off and move on . I love my life I had an awesome BBQ last night Wow am I glad I'm not fat. People take time to get to know me instead of assuming I am lazy or only consumed with get my grub on. I was told recently that by someone close that I looked twenty years older only 4 months ago "wow". I feel like a young HOTT thing who loves her body. I am going to enjoy what is left of my twenties and not look back to far into the past. Yeah to each her/his own I just know that I'm not wishing on a star I'm bringing sexy back.

at some point I decided I was ready to quit being obese and give up large portions forever.

I knew there would be times when I wanted to eat more than I could - and there are - but it is so worth it.

keep reading, at some point you'll know.