feel like such a loser

I'll just post a simple sentence that you'll NEVER forget:  They operate on our gut, not on our head....

Thus endeth the surmon  (dismounts the soapbox)

Guilt - not helpful

Strategy - helpful.

http://books.google.com/books?id=Nl2bfrlGW4AC&lpg=PR1&ots=Fr kuEEWBTi&dq=%22thin%20commandments%22&pg=PR4#v=onepage&q&f=f alse

Strategy works when williepower goes flaccid.  For those of us not given to moderation we need new guidelines that are reasonable and logical that we can apply to whatever situation, foods that are weak spots for us.

Another thing - FOR ME - often the "problem" is not the THING you have consumed in self destruction, its the BEHAVIOR.  Many folks will say "well do not worry it was only 2 cookies instead of a pack"  Yea.  THIS TIME.  The BEHAVIOR is an issue *for me*

Anyway - that book (the link is for THE BOOK, not how to buy, where to buy, or a little blurb.  I like books I can touch, scribble in and tote, but this is a GREAT link that gives you the chance to see it before shelling out bucks. ) has been a lifesaver in maintenance. I was the queen of NONE OR ALL, and some equalled SCREW IT.

So, from one junkie to another - working on the behavior is key and having strategy is monumental.

And this too  I do not disagree with your husband's point.  These are questions I irritate the crap out of people with, but there is the reason *its called the Socratic Method of Teaching, by the by*

Sometimes we only think in one way/fashion/linear course - and it takes somebody asking us questions to help us to think a different way, have a different conversation with ourselves than the ones we have been having (that obviously worked so well that here most of us are - needing/getting/begging for/crying for surgical invervention) so that we can think a different way, treat ourselves with a different attitude, respect, loving kindness. 

Sometimes love means giving a person what they *need* and not necessarily what they *want*

Sometimes we need to hear things that are not what we want to hear, because we really need to stop ****ting ourselves *this time* because the part that some folks find so magical and easy - for most of us, that only lasts for a while.
 
You can do this my friend.  Know yourself, set yourself up for success! 

You are loved, you are strong, folks care for you.  You cannot imagine what you have to show yourself about yourself, stay open and teachable and sometimes that means hearing hard things and sitting through icky feelings, but on the OTHER SIDE of the learning - its seriously worth every nasty icky uncomfortable second.  It is. 

Be sweet, babygirl.  You can do this thing.  Babysteps, one moment at a time.  :}

 You're not the only one, this isn't easy, the sleeve doesn't change habits, we gotta do that.  I was lucky early out and sweet stuff tasted horrible to me anyway, so my early struggles were a little easier.

What I might suggest next time is to see if you can find something "good for us" at the pot luck.  Eventually a little sweet stuff with a meal isn't a bad thing but breaking the habit now will pay rewards later down the line.  You gotta get used to seeing the stuff we shouldn't eat and make a decision "No, not tonight".

No advice as to how to actually go about doing that, we're all different.  Just try to be aware of your decisions as you make them, not after the fact.  And also, a couple of bad decisions won't kill you, just learn from 'em.  Fortunately for me my early bad decisions made me sick as a dog, your awareness sounds good, your willpower will follow.  Dont' give up or beat urself up too bad.

Everyone spoke very well about how you can deal with the guilt and how to make better options in the future. However, there is another factor built in....your spouse. I am sure he means well. Our families do worry. How did he know you ate cookies? Did he see you or did you tell him?

It sounds like you need to have a discussion with him about understanding you are making a lifestyle change and that doesn't mean you will eat perfectly forever every day. You are human. This is a process and look at how far you have come. You need his support and you may want to re-think giving him amunition, if he is so negative. He is probably just deeply concerned out of love.

My best!

Lisa

Thanks so much everyone for the words of wisdom and I am ready today to be the best I can be. I like what one gentlemen said about tell myself "no not tonight" which seems so much easier than "no not forever" and I think I can do this one day at a time. Which is funny I didnt think of that analogy because I am a counselor for a living and so often I tell my patients "one day at a time" but last night everything I know about human behavior went out the door for my own self. I also have the fear of my own "behavior" as another lady posted about-i was just so dern compulsive last night. I sure appreciate everyones advice and will develope stategy for next week. Thanks for not making me feel like the biggest loser ever.

I am serious.  Look at that link I gave you.  this fella's point and purpose is for folks who have failed maintenance every time - to give them tools to enjoy the foods they love, and still incorporate them in their life, but not have to wear them.

Some days are just compulsive days.  This whole thing is like a marriage, you can resent and kick and cry when it gets hard, or you can vow that no tear goes unwasted and that you are going to learn from all the chances you get.

Gotta shift thinking from *do it all, do it perfect or toss it all in the ****ter* to "who knows what  I can learn from me about me today!!*

whooot!  You just have to step outside of your YOUness and look at your behavior like you would anyone else's. 

It aint nuthin but a human thang!  We *do* understand!  :}

A lot of good advice on here.....remember, it takes time, but try to learn from it.  You will get to have cookies, remember to say it..."I can have a cookie, but right now, I think I will pass, thank you"...I am trying to remind myself that even at 6month out.

Hi Sonya!

I was referred to therapy before I had my WLS and it has helped more than I can imgaine, especially the guilty and shame aspect of overeating. I truly know the feeling all too well. The guilt is the beginning and end of our food addiction cycle that is why you went back for more cookies. You have to let go of the guilt and plan your every move with food it until it becomes natural. And every time you "trip up" say something positive to yourself. I have to do that everytime I step on the scale now because it can be so discouraging. Trust me, you are amazing person for wanting to be a better and healthier person for yourself and your family.

I INTEND to have three cookies at a pot luck..I want my fun too!!!! Back on track right after though..till the next event. Slow and steady weight loss..absolutely! Living a normal life?? YOU BET!!!!
Next time do it quietly....no hubby viewing! (that is not supportive and you thoughts should be sweet...like the cookie!)
:)
Then all will balance out..I believe that

B

 We are all entitled to a guilty pleasure from time to time.  We got this surgery as a tool.  I'd like to see your husband go without one of his guilty pleasures for the rest of his life.  He couldn't do it either.  I'm sorry you don't have full support from your spouse.  That must hurt worse than the cookie, which might be where most of the guilt comes from.  I felt a little bad myself for having a jello temptation, but if my husband were to be yelling at me for eating it, I know that guilt would grow even bigger.   Ultimately, just because we had surgery to help us, doesn't mean we vowed to only eat chicken, turkey, fish and veggies for the rest of our lives.  Know this... it's ok.  You didn't set yourself back ages and you won't gain 10lbs from eating eqivelant to a cookie and a half.  Don't beat yourself up.  You are the brave one to have gone through all you went through to be a healthier person.  We all know how hard it is to do what we did.  Even as exciting as it was before hand, we know how painful recovery is and how mentally exshausting it is for us.  We can never chug a nice cold drink of water again with a stomach the size of a shot glass or two.. no matter how thirsty we are.  That kind of thing will always frustrate us.  I say, if you can do it and keep it down, then treat yourself to a cookie once in a while.  After all you have been through and will continue to go through, you deserve it!  Guess what... I am going to have a jello temptation once a month darn it!