Liars,,

So, I am pretty open about the fact that I am doing everything to get the surgery. I talk about it to most people..but lately I have found a common occurance...LIARS.

Why do people feel the need to Lie to me about their weigh. The are obviously interested in the surgery..start asking me questions about it, and I tell them that in most cases you need to be 100lbs overweight for insurance to cover them....
and without fail I always get "Oh I would have to gain 80lbs" "Oh well, I am really only 20lbs overweight" When it is OBVIOUS to me that this is just NOT TRUE. They may not be 100lbs overweight but they are at least 70lbs overweight..or more! I am a fat girl, I know a fat girl....lol! 

I know, I should not worry about other people, but it is like the judge me because *I AM* and freely admit to being 100lbs overweight...or they just want to make me feel bad. I just dont know.

Anyone else had this experience prior to surgery?

I haven't really told alot of people of my plan. Those I have told are like your not that overweight or have you tried to excerise and eat healthy. I have 130 pounds to lose and yes.. my whole life I have tried and tried..
So I have turned to the message board to talk to people, people who understand..

Not everyone is as comfortable with telling the world about what they weigh like we are. I figure people can see how overweight I am so I have nothing to fear by telling them.  Not all people are that sure of themselves.  I think the ones who make comments like you spoke of only want to know what we weiigh  for sure not really considering having surgery.  Just another reason to be upfront.  
I had people in shock, so they said, when I said that I weighed 239lbs (92lbs over weight, with gross morbid rating according to my doctor) and that was not my all time highest weight (254lbs).  Many couldn't understand why I was going to have the surgery which I understood very well.  I told them that I can lose the weight without surgery however, I can't keep it off and that along with some health problems that have come up over the last couple of years is what made me decide to go to the surgery.  I understand everyone's comments as I was just like them a few years ago thinking that everyone that really wants to can eat less, exercise more and lose the weight.  The truth of the matter is yes, we can lose it but the maintaining it is the key.  I know with my sleeve, that I can't overeat without becoming very sick and therefore, that keeps me in check.  Without the sleeve, I could overeat and nothing would happen.  I look at the picture of my stomach that was taken out and I can see why I could eat so much food then.  It was huge!  I try to just give people information about the surgery (my doctor says I am  walking library on all of the WLS surgeries) and let them figure out what they want to do and don't think anything more about their comments one way or the other.  Some people will try to make us feel weak, like we are looking for the easy way out, etc.  I don't accept that and hang on to it.  
I hope you will look at your progress and successes and not let others get to you.  People most likely will not think any more about what was said in the conversation after they walk away so why should we?  We have to pat ourselves on the back and be focused on our goals as we are the one *****ally gets the value of the surgery.  We are not weak, looking for the easy way out, or any other guilt trip that others may want to put on us.  Hang in there...You are on the right track! Don't let the alligators get you down!  Look to the future and your goal.  There will be people who will be negative when you are at goal also so, learn to not let that stuff get to you now.  Jealousy is a real funny thing!  And that is all it is.  We know we are doing what is good for our health and that is all that matters to me! We will lose some old friends yet we will gain some new friends. 

And that is my opinion for today, 
Love you, 
Granny

I think many times people's perception doesn't = reality. I know I don't see myself as big as I am. I KNOW how big I am but its a perception thing. How many people put down the correct weight for their DR license? 

I wouldn't get too wound up about other people's issues. They will need to own their own 'stuff'. Just smile and nod. After all, your journey is about you. They will come to terms with what they need, when they need it or not. Either way, its not your responsibility. (the serenity prayer)

Good luck with patience. Sometimes Its difficult I know but you are doing exciting things. Focus on what you are doing!

Lisa

I have found that Queen Elizabeth's philosophy has worked well for me over the years.  She say's, "Don't complain, don't explain". 

(DISCLAIMER) Please don't take what I'm about to say the wrong way...

Woman tend to be very competitive and very catty. For this reason they lie and say things to make each other feel badly. How do I know this? I've spent a large portion of my career managing people and my staff has always been 90% female. I've spent more time refereeing arguments between my female employees than I did anything else, and it normally had little to nothing to do with the work!

So when there are 2 or more females involved, be cautious because that competitive nature reels it's ugly head, the nails come out, & the fur starts flying!

Craig

Each person has their own outlook about themselves and about how they see others.  I never thought I was fat.  I thought I was a bit overweight but I thought my height and the fact that I was pretty evenly proportioned made up for it.  I did not see what others saw even when I looked in a mirror.  I saw the truth when I bought a cute, long sundress for a party we  were having for my husband a couple of years ago and someone sent me the pictures they took.  I was always the picture taker so I was never in the pictures.  When I saw the pictures of myself I was almost sick.  I think I even threw them away.  I remember telling my husband, "Why didn't you tell me I was so fat!".  I knew how much I weighed but I truely thought it didn't really show that much.  It was the beginning of my quest for surgery. 
I haven't told a lot of people about my surgery but as time goes I probably will.   A man at my church got up in front of our congregation once and told everyone how he had lost 50lbs with prayer and then proceded to tell us all that all we needed was a good relationship with the Lord to accomplish weight loss.  He has since regained some of his weight.  I think I have a great relationship with the Lord and that He has directed me to WLS.  I knew this when a week before surgery I was almost in a crisis mode about having surgery and I really prayed about it.  I felt a sudden calm and never felt anxious again right up to now. 
I believe you tell who you want to tell and not worry about what anyone else thinks about it.  I believe that self perception is extremely personal and everyone has to arrive in their own time to face reality. (obviously reality is different to each person)  You don't have to justify your decisions about anything to anyone especially your decision to have WLS.  Its no ones business but yours.

Talk in terms of BMI instead, which depends on both height AND weight and won't make people feel defensive about their own weight:  "Well, most insurance companies require a BMI of 40 or more, or 35 to 40 with 2 comorbidities - just google BMI calculator to find a chart."  Then you can explain about comorbidities and such, if that's something you're famliar with.  Kinda takes the poundage out of the equation.

You know, weight and body image are probably the most emotionally charged issues in our society. Almost every female has body image issues and irrational emotions (denial, guilt, shame, jealousy) when they compare themselves to others. When you couple that with the general ignorance and judgement of WLS in our society (dangerous, the easy way out, etc.) it makes for a very tricky topic to make small talk about.

I have decided not to tell anyone (with the exception of my ex, who will help me in the peri-op period, and my sister, because it kinda slipped out and I swore her to secrecy) about my plans to have surgery. I'm not ashamed about needing/choosing to have surgery and am not worried about what people will think. I just don't want to have to spend the time between now and when I have surgery having to have the same frustrating non-productive conversations over and over again. People don't get it and I don't need to defend my choice or convince the world that I'm right, nor do I feel ashamed that I qualify for the surgery or have insurance that (finally) covers it.

As far as work friends are concerned, I am in a unique position of knowing what pretty much every person who is even slightly overweight weighs, since I was the administrator/official record keeper of our "Biggest Loser" contest last year, so no one I work with could get away with implying that they weigh less than they do. LOL

It's not your job to correct others' body image issues any more than it is theirs to correct yours. I would talk about things other than weight with casual friends, feel confident in your choices and move on.

Namaste.
Jami

 I, personally, did not get comfortable facing and admitting my weight until I knew I was going to have help losing it with my sleeve.  Perhaps others feel this way as well.  I would never admit my real weight to myself, let alone others.