My first real gain and a meltdown

 so sorry you feel this way.  You are very beautiful, but I do understand.  I had my first child at 17 and my body was forever altered.  I had a great body, smooth with a flat tummy.  No dimples or stretch marks or sags.  Size 7.  In a way, I feel worse having had it and lost it.  That being said, I am SO, SO glad I had this surgery and am losing this weight.  Perhaps it comes with age.  I really don't care that much.  I am so glad I was able to get this surgery and not feel like a freak walking around, forever self conscious.  To be honest, and you may not like this, but there will always be something about yourself you want to change.  There will always be someone who looks better.  The best thing you can do for yourself is come to terms with  your amazing success.  There are some people, and not just on this forum, who would die to look like you.  I am one of them.  

I hope you are able to get past this and celebrate in your new life.  I wish you the very best.  Life is wasted with regrets...

awww (((hugs))). I'm so sorry you're feeling this way! My journey has been very much like yours... living in the gym, barely touching carbs (certainly nothing white!), and eating like a bird. For years.... less than my toddler many days. And yet, I gain... *grrrr* My metabolism is garbage. *sigh*

As far as your skin and all that... let me say that my BFF (almost 40) had RNY almost 2 years ago and lost about 120lbs. Her skin around her first year anniversary was bad. Baggy, wrinkly, the whole deal. While she was tiny enough to wear a bikini (and anything else she wanted) it wasn't flattering (due to the skin).

In the last 9 mos, something amazing has happened... it's tightened more and more, and it's no longer noticeable unless she points it out (or you're really looking). I say give your body some time to tighten up (I think they say it's the worst between 12-18 mos post op).

There are a few girls on her who have some some AMAZING things with heavy lifting (Mandyplus2 comes to mind)...  ((((hugs)))) again. Just remember, that there will ALWAYS be someone w/ better skin, prettier, skinnier, etc... I know it's hard, but try not to compare-- you'll lose sight of all the progress you've earned for yourself! 

 I am sorry I feel your pain I have stretch marks for as long as I can remember.. they go all down my arm and I had them on my stomach but it was not bad now that I had my daughter they stretch marks stretched more on my stomach.. so my hope of ever wearing a bikinni in public will never happen.. plus surgery scars they are small but they are visible

When i lost 80lbs on my own a few years ago I had someone ask me if I used to be fat and when I said yes they said oh okay because they noticed the stretch marks on my arm which go down to my elbow.. they are light but I mean I cant hide them.. 

so I am envious of those with perfect skin as well..