what to do when u lose urself

most of us are married, kids, job etc. and all u need to do is get your health in line. i'm so confused. im in a relationship that i feel is not supportive of this surgery. and i'm no longer happy. i was fired from my job a year ago and cant find work. and i have no children. i just feel so lost. i guess it can be a good thing. i could have a clean slate going into surgery and start new by fixin my health then adding onto from there. or i could stay where i am now, unhappy and in an unhealthy relationship. i really just wanna know the right thing to do and that what im doing will work out.

Sounds like you just told us what you think the right thing for you is:  "i could have a clean slate going into surgery and start new by fixin my health then adding onto from there."  Whether we are single, married, rich, poor, -whatever our situation- this surgery gives each one of us an opportunity to change our lives for the better.  What we do with it is up to us. 

Hope you can find the path that's right for you.
Hang in there, and good luck with whatever you decide.

thanks :-)

Ok first..you get a HUG! The wonder of this surgery is that  it really gets you thinking. About your life, your friends, family..etc.

I see you are 23?..I got married when I was 23, it was not easy. I don't regret it, but I don't recommend it either..LOL

I would start fresh with the surgery, take care of you. You are the only person you have to answer to. Get your surgery, get a job, have some fun with your friends, challenge yourself to learn and try now things. I bet by the time you do all that, someone will show interest in you. By then you will have grown and learned so much about yourself( if you care to), you'll probably be ready to start a relationship.

I feel like I am being remade since I had this surgery. I am challenging myself WAY more, I am not nearly as grouchy as I used to be. My kids are getting the old me, playing with them as much as I can. :) My husband has his "girlfriend" back, not a pain in the neck wife. I am content. I remember WHY I married my hubby. All the things I have figured out lately I am writing down, to hopefully use to remind myself what I am working on fixing. For example getting my workout in really helps my mood. I am trying to ride everyday except for Sunday. That is one of my commandments now....I'm way happier btw.

Ok sorry for the ramble! I guess what I really want to say is this: You are worthy of feeling good and happy everyday. Get yourself away from people or things that bring you down. Enjoy your life!! Make it good EVERY day, don't wait.

Good Luck and whatever you decide will be perfect for you :)

thanks for the pep talk. i am worth it. its just hard to be strong enough to make that stand for myself

I have to agree with what rdd9348 said - the surgery is just a tool towards the life that you deserve.  Embrace it and the pieces will fall together.. if not now then when the time is right it'll happen.  Do this for yourself first.. fix yourself and your health and the sky will be the limit after that :)

Good luck!

I know you hear it all the time you are so young....

I am 41 single mom currently unemployed....I have chosen to be unemployed so that I can have this surgery.  Kind of now or never. 

I am in the begining stages of a new relationship....crazy right?
I am thinking want to do I do after recovery.  Go back to school again?

You are not lost...you are just traveling a new part of the road.  Just keep moving forward.  Become the BEST you that you want.  You have identified your problems.  Keep moving forward.  One Day at a Time...

I remember all too well what it felt like to be your age and in your shoes... it wasn't so long ago (I'm 35 now).  It's a tough time, no doubt... so much uncertainty, a palpable sense that big decisions need to be made -- and they do, but one thing that I moved on from that time in my life with was the knowledge that your future is largely dependent upon what you believe it will be.

When I was your age, I was on the brink of losing what I thought was my best friend, my last "relationship" that just ended had been an emotionally abusive one that only lasted 6 months.  I was out of work, living with my mother and despite having a degree, saw no discernable career path branching out of what little work experience I had.

One day I was sitting in my car stopped at a red light, feeling sorry for myself and seeing only the potential for dead ends and a life full of lonliness when a song on the radio caught my ear.  As I listened to the lyrics, I noted that the refrain said "Love comes to those who believe it, and that's the way it is".  Yes, it was Celine Dion... once I placed it, I changed the station, but that line stayed with me.

It ocurred to me that I had spent years wondering what my future would be, fearing what I didn't want it to be and worrying whether or not I'd be happy... perhaps this was the puzzle piece I was missing; I had to believe in what I wanted it to be.  I needed to become an active participant in the process of manifesting what I wanted, not simply a spectator waiting to see how my life would unfold.  I resolved then and there that I would have the fairy tale... some day, my prince WOULD come and all I had to do was bide my time.

Now that that worry was cleared from my path, I decided to simply focus my energy on taking care of those forward-looking things I could at least somewhat control...finishing school, my health, etc.  And that's what I did, giving no more thought to what I had made up my mind would be.  I simply trusted that it would and continued on with my life, secure in that knowledge.

In your case, I'd say this surgery would absolutely fall into the category of something that's only going to benefit you in the long run.  I'm not saying do it, but I think you'll be better off if you do than if you don't.

As for the rest, just sit back, relax and trust... believe that your life will be exactly what you want it to be someday.  I did get my fairy tale; I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful son, 2 dogs, a job I love and am excited to go work at every day -- not a day goes by that I'm not thankful for that epiphany that showed me life really is what you make it... literally.

thats great that you're happy now and your life has turned out to be more than what you wanted. i hope mine just falls into place. i feel stuck in my life right now. i know that after the surgery, my life can only get better from here. i feel that then, i will have the courage to learn myself and leave who i'm with and finish school etc. its just that right now, i'm not strong enough. it may sound victimized, but my life has been filled with disappointment and hard times thus far and im just hoping that this surgery will be the starting point of a new me and a better life.

Yes I'm quoting the whole thing you wrote, even though I'm only going to write a little bit.  Because what you wrote was AWESOME!  Wow, you really moved me with your words.. thank you!