NEED TO HELP, NOT WLS ADVICE.

Ok All,

I have a BIG PROBLEM. I don't know how to start this conversion, I am stressed and stress leads to eating for me.

Ok here goes. When my sister died, her youngest son, that his Mom didn't want anything to do with him, came home when his Mom died. We welcomed him into our home years ago, but have not seen him since around 1996. I have not told any of my family, I am embarrassed for our family. OK,  2 first cousin's think they are in love. I know I have to say something to them. Please are there any help or advice out there anyone can give me? The girl is my youngest daughter, the cousin is wanting my blessings, my nephew. This has just about made me crazy. I know it is wrong in the bible. I have been trying to think of how I go about talking to them with out getting very anger. I hope you all don't care for me using this subject on a WLS site. I feel like you all care.
God Bless
Evie

OK, your post is a lil confusing. Let me see if I have this right. Your nephew, who you haven't seen in 15 years has come back in your life and your youngest daughter and him think they are in love? correct? How old are these children? Adults I am assuming? As to the bible? It is not right for children/parents, siblings, step parents/children, aunts and uncle/ niece and nephews to marry or have sex. Cousins actually did marry. It is also Legal in the USA to marry a first cousin.
  Would I do it? NO. Do I find it a little weird? YES. But if they are adults the only thing you can do is set them down and talk about the ramifications of them being together. Their children will not come out deformed or mentally retarded. So mainly it is a social problem.
hope this helped

Hi Kelly,
Thank you for caring enough to answer my post. Yes, it did help me. I heard that it is not legal to marry and I have also heard if they have kids they would be mental retarded. Was there anyone in the bible that married kin? I been looking, haven't found anything yet.
Thank you
God Bless
Evie

I'll do some research Evie, The ones off the top of my head are of course Adam and Eves children, also Noah's Grandchildren were cousins and married up. But It is legal for 1st cousins to marry. and as to the mental retardation I have 5 aunts and uncles and 24 first cousins, we are all happy and healthy, with no retardation. Now we do all resemble one another greatly do to the fact that our blood runs a little thicker on that side of out family. most of us could pass a siblings, but I have also seen that in other families whose grandparents weren't cousins.  

Oh good heavens yes, kin married all the time in the Bible.

The more important question is: Is this LEGAL in their state of residence? If they want to marry, they will also have to consider which states they might want to live in, in case there is a legal question in that particular state.

Confession time, I wasn't going to tell this. The social stigma is strong, and I am embarrassed about the fact that I did not say it in the first post.   I am a proud product of two cousins marrying. My grandparents are first cousins. and they were Wonderful loving people who raised 6 children together.
If you have any questions feel free to ask

WOW that's a biggie.  I'm not sure what advice to give you.  However I do agree that it border the lines of incest.  And if they are not religious then they may not understand it from a bible standpoint.  Perhaps you can explain from a medical standpoint (genetically deformities) or both. 

But it sounds like your nephew is looking for your approval and you have reservation about it so  that's probably what needs to be explained him - why you for it or against it.  I hope this helps and good luck.

You don't mention how you feel about your blessing.  Given your tone in the post I "assume" you are against it.  If that's the case then tell them BOTH at the same time why and stand your ground on the decision.  They sound like they are both adults.  You can't control their actions but you can control the consequences of their actions from you and only you.  Since they value your opinion, since they asked you for your blessing, hopefully they value your opinion if you don't give them the blessing and rethink their feelings.

If they were not raised as cousins I can understand them not feeling like cousins.  I actually watched a dateline special about cousins marrying and it said there is no bigger chance of deformity than having a child after 40.  Lot's of people have normal kids after 40 and being the aunt of a special needs child that is precious I'm not even concerned about that.  I realize the stigma attached but if people don't know then they can't judge.  And I agree with the person that stated it's not against the Bible.  I was raised with my cousins being as close as siblings so that would be weird but this case is different.  You can tell them how you feel but let them make the decision and love your daughter regardless.  It's like finding out your child is a homosexual, or dating an ethnicity or religion you don't necessarly agree with.  It's not your life it's her's you can share your opinion but don't force it on them and accept whatever they choose to do.  If you tell them you will not tolerate this behavior all you've done is alienate yourself and they will still do whatever they want.  So share your opinion and then leave it up to God.

My aunt married a first cousin, in the Catholic Church, in Los Angeles, in the late 1940s.  She had a  UNIQUE last name and no one could have missed the fact that my aunt was marrying a guy with the same last name.

The have four perfectly lovely children and a slew of adorable grandchildren and great grandchildren.

I'm an atheist and I don't care what the bible says...because it also says a LOT of ****ty things about women.  But whatever it says, milions and millions of Catholic and ALL of the royalty of Europe, must have those pages missing from their bibles.

MY problem would be that I'd demand they explain--and put in writing--how we expect to continue as a family if the realtionship ever ends... what then?  How will they handle the NEXT boyfriend or girlfriend?  THAT could get messy.

Sue




PS--If you REALLY believe that every word of the bible is actual history, why don't you figure out who Cane and Abel made babies with?  And, can you actually FIND chapter and verse on COUSINS?  Or are you just repeating what the people who would like to control your every move have TOLD you?  Leviticus is full of who you can't marry and cousins are not mentioned.