frustration with friend who had sleeve done

 i have several friends who had WLS.  3 had RNY and my other friend had the sleeve done the end of June.  She basically went from clear liquids to Red Lobster, pizza places, etc... she tried popcorn a week out.  She's losing weight (50 lbs so far) and I get so frustrated with her because she's completely abusing her tool!  I take it personally because I am working so hard and here she is ordering lunch out 3/4 times a week, eating potato chips and soda, etc... 

We all work together (the WLS people) and have talked to her about the importance of protein, gaining back weight, etc... but she just says that she can't eat much so what does it matter what she eats.  I talked on the phone to her the other day and she told me she started choking as she was eating a donut and her friend almost had to give her the Heimlich manuever.  told her that was god telling her not to eat the donut. 

Just had to vent... does anyone else feel personally pissed off when other WLS people do stupid things?  I'm only a month out but can't imagine screwing up all I've worked so hard for.  

A lot of people are overweight, in part, due to mental issues they accumulate throughout life.  Surgeon doesn't remove these issues.  It can be frustrating to watch.  She might have to find her breaking point - perhaps her point to break in when she's hospitalized? 

It's tough to care about someone and watch them make less than ideal choices.  But you have to find the piece in your heart to care, but to let go - otherwise, their issues will eat you up inside.  It's the same with people you care about that smoke, or drink too much, or eat 10 pounds of saturated-fat filled red meat a week, or people that ride motorcycles without helmets, etc.

Continue to be her/his friend, and support when she/he wants it, but otherwise, not much else to do.  Clearly, she doesn't _want_ to eat right, and you can't make her want that.  She has to want it for herself.  Some people that have this surgery want to weigh less, be healthy, and eat right.  Other people that have this surgery only want to weigh less.

Sorry you have to observe her hurting herself.

  I don't know anyone IRL that has has WLS but if it did and they abused it the way she is that would really be frustrating.  But you have to do what's best for you and she will do what she is going to do.  We can't change someone else's behavior all we can do is control how we react. 

In the end I really feel sorry for her because if she keeps up this behavior she will fail in the end. 

My cousins next door neighbor had RNY 10 years ago.  She lost a lot of weight, then slowly started eating again.   She gain a couple hundred pounds and was SMO again.  Last summer she was in her downstairs basement which was refinished into a very nice family room and laundry.  She was watching TV when a fire broke out in the water heater and she was unable to get up out of her chair without assistance.  Her husband had gone to the store.  Long story short she burned to death.  She lost all that weight only to put twice as much back on because she ate everything she wasn't supposed to.  She was so large she had to use oxygen because her lungs couldn't support her weight.  The oxygen contributed to her death.  Your friend could end up the same if she doesn't get a grip on her eating habits.  You are not responsible for her choices however, you just eat like your supposed to and let her see you behaving appropriately when it comes to food choices.   I personally dont get pissed when I see others misbehaving with food choices.  It comes down to everyone has to come to that place in their lives wether its with food, alcohol, gamboling etc on their own time.  Some folks take the leap before they really have come to terms with their demons.

Oh my gosh...what a sad story about your cousin's neighbor...

It can be frustrating when you see someone who doesnt take care of themselves and they still get rewarded over and over again.  Unfortunately, one day something happens or over time... And they regret the choices made.  All you can do is take care of yourself, do what you need to do and celebrate your own victories.  One day when your friend realizes she made a huge mistake she will look to you and maybe you can inspire her to start taking care of herself. 

for your friends sake i hope she is lucky and is one of the people who gets really lucky and can eat what ever they want in moderation and still get to goal...

Most of us can not do that with out eventually it stopping our weight loss and probably regaining alot of the weight lost.

But each and everyone of us of are on our own journey, her journey is different from yours, but she may or may not make goal if she continues as she is doing..
If she doesnt make it to goal she may in the future turn to you for help if your weight loss surpasses hers..
You can really only be there for support, if and when she decides she needs to change her ways then maybe she will listen to you, in the mean time just foccuss on your goals and your journey...

good luck

She has to hit her own wall.  There is a segment of people who believe that if they can only eat 15% of what they could eat, and of what regular folks eat, then what does it matter what they eat.  This mindset can only be changed if they see the limits of this mindset. It's not going to change while she's losing weight.  why should it?  Her philosophy is working.   When and if she stops losing weight fifty or 75 lbs before goal she may change her mind..  But it's useless before that.  BTW there are a couple of vets. Fawn comes to mind, who ate what they wanted but because of restriction still lost all their weight.  They have also maintained very well. Different strokes. 

Sometimes it's easier to keep people who are not doing what they should to their own devices.  She is still early out and she thinks that her sleeve is healed up.  She is losing weight so she is doing something right....not eating an excessive load of calories.  She will learn a valuable lesson when she gets a leak, starts vomiting constantly or when her labs come back and her surgeon or NUT let's her have it.  It will come back to get her and it will only come from her own hand not your worrying or lecturing.  Leave her to her devices...you and others have aleady talked to her, she is not listening.  Trust me, when she starts dragging around from lack of energy because of poor nutrition, when her skin is excessively fatty and saggy because of lack of protein and resistance training, etc...she'll ask your advice.  Then you can remind her will great vigor about the times that you and the others warned her.

Miracle she could drink soda...it will all come back to her. 

I have a friend and co-worker who had Lap Band surgery in June.  I had my sleeve in September.  She tried to convince me to have the band, but that's another story.  Our surgeon's plan is similar for the two surgeries for the first two months.

My friend was non-compliant from the very beginning -- eating donuts, mashed potatoes, basically whatever she wanted.  She hasn't lost much weight at all.  Part of the reason is because she can't find the right amount of restriction with her band, most of it is because she eats whatever she wants. 

The first question she asked me when I returned to work after 2 weeks is "how do you tolerate carbs?"  I replied, "I don't know, I can't have carbs for another 6 weeks."

For a while, I was feeling guilty that I was losing so much more than she was, but I'm over that now.  I'm working really hard to stay on my plan and it is paying off.  I've invited her to exercise with me, but she backed out at the last minute.

The bottom line is that my journey is my own.  Her journey belongs to her.  I will support her, encourage her and wish her well, but her behavior is not mine to control.   My success is up to me, her success or failure is up to her.