So mad at myself!

If I was flexible enough, I would kick myself right in the ass.

Earlier this week, I rec'd a small bag of candy from a co-worker as a "thank you" on Valentine's Day.  I appreciated the gesture and threw the candy in my drawer to get it out of sight.  What I SHOULD have done is threw it away or re-gifted it.  Because this afternoon I ate it.  For no good reason.  It wasn't a lot of calories or carbs or whatever, but it's the principle of it.  It's recreational sugar, which I typically avoid.  And I've been working so hard on the head side of things.

It just goes to show that I will have to be vigilant about the mental side of this forever.  I plan to have my healthy, protein-filled dinner and put this little episode behind me.  Which is way better than I would have done a year ago.

I'm a work in progress...

re - diving into recreational sugar today.

I peeked in and saw your great wonderful post, and I was going to say something when work let up and my hands were not so tired.

I peeked and saw this and here is a something I have noticed about me, and it might be true for you too.

When I hit a goal, share a good thing, do a little bootay dance of rejoice..

I notice a trend to want to sabotage myself.  When folks encourage me, congratulate me, when I share a milestone... something in me *still* somehow seems to want to "prove" to me that I did not deserve it because... or that somehow it will not last because look at me now engaging in x behavior.

So.. a quick squeeze to you and to say before I go back to typing my fingers to the bone..

This is just another something to notice about you, my love - if its a tendency!  Its not to say it will always happen, but this is to say, it could and for me, when I share a thing I am proud of, or when I am helpful to someone having shared a thing that worked for me, I seem to need to be extra dilligent because 30+ years of ******g myself over and proving to me that I did not "deserve" something, or whatever - does not get gone with a year, 2 years, 3 years of not doing that.. you know?

HOORAY!! LEARNING AND LIVING!!

You are doing this thing!  *squeeze*

I am proud on you!  You be proud on you too!  This is what life is for, yes?  learning!  YES!!

The learning is so very important, so that's my take away from this.  I looked back and was stressed about something at work.  My three eating triggers are stress, boredom and habit.  So I think stress triggered this one.  Could have easily dealt with it another way but didn't.  

Not sure if this was also part of the milestone/celebration/success turned sabotage or not, but definitely something to watch out for.

Thanks for your support, as always!

I guess the upside is that you only cheated on your diet and not your significant other. You can easily fix the cheating that you just did. It wouldn't be quite so easy the other way. Don't beat yourself up. I'm sure you're doing a great job any way.

That's one way to look at it!!!!!

Ah Brandilynn's so right - at least for me too.  I just had this conversation with my therapist - I'm 10 days pre-op and planning for my post op.  Trying to stay in the moment but be prepared for anything.  I so discount/minmize my accomplishments and have in the past done a itsy bitsy sabotage afterwards.  Sigh.....now that I know about it, we'll see if it gets better.

Hang in there! 

 I am so glad to hear you are workig witha  therapist!  One of the best things I'm doing is just that!  

Get on the treadmill and literally walk it off.  You'll get over it.

We're all a work in progress.