A Cake Batter Confession

I celebrate my loved ones' birthdays by making them a cake. I also do it because I enjoy baking cakes and decorating them. Being 8 weeks post-op, I feel pretty darn normal by now, and it's not until I eat that I remember I have a Sleeve. I guess I was feeling too normal yesterday when I got home and started baking my nephew's 6th birthday cake.

Everything was going well until...the ingredients mixed together and the smell of cake batter filled my nostrils. It was like...Edward when he is around Bella, intoxicating. No, I kept thinking, I'm not going to eat this cake batter. I am "good" and I'm just standing here mixing a birthday cake together, not going to be a gluttonous chub and eat this cake batter, not gonna do it.

I knew from the first sniff that no matter what I told myself I was done for. I knew I was going to do it because it's just what I do. As I mixed and mixed (agonized and tortured), I was fixed on how so much of the batter was collecting on top of the mixing spoon. So I tapped, tapped, tapped but it wouldn’t fall into the bowl. I saw no other alternative but to scoop it off with my finger. And there it was - batter on my finger. FAWK!, I thought. So I did it, I ate it. Oh - how I wish I could now close this rant with a funny reflection on having licked my finger clean of that one teaspoon-sized glob of delicious batter. Like a junkie in desperate need for a quick fix, I grabbed a spoon and had one...two...three spoonfuls of fun-fetti cake batter.

 

I put the spoon in the sink and continued baking. I wasn’t very happy about what I did, but I didn’t feel shameful about it either. As I was putting the cakes in the oven, I began feeling a very acute uneasiness in my stomach. It was the sugar and my sleeve didn’t like it. I got a little sweaty and had some water. I stood in the kitchen, surrounded by the wafting scent of cake, and reflected. I wasn’t going to feel bad about this. I did it, it was done, I enjoyed it at the moment, not so much now, my poor little sleeve, oh well back to it. These were my thoughts and I was satisfied. I thought back to all the times I used to be so fuking hard on myself for eating this or that and how much more calories those feelings brought with them. I took this moment for what it was: a test and a lesson. My faithful sleeve reminded me of how crummy certain foods are for my process right now.

 

I decorated the cake nicely, with colored frosting and sprinkles. My family came over and raved about how delicious it was. I had a few small bites, and had that feeling in my stomach again. I didn’t like it, and after it was gone it made me really crave the applewood smoked turkey tenderloin that was now cooking in the oven for next day's lunch - protein!

While I'm still the girl that will dip into the cake batter, I'm not the girl that can down two slices like it's nothing. 
 

No regrets here :)

 

Girl I thought you were going to confess to doing cake batter shooters .  I have to admit that I tend to allow my self to taste stuff. It usually ends up being enough to solve the craving, or it is dissapointing and not as I remember.  My thoughts are if you eat something that is off plan then arrange the rest of your days food accordingly.  Just make sure you get the protein you need.  Yes I am one of the slower losers but I am losing and I am getting the protein that I require.  Find what works for you.  I refuse to punish myself for tasting foods. Just remember there is a difference between tasting (spoonful) and eating the whole bowl ful of batter. 
When I am baking I use the trick of sucking on a sugarfree hard candy (fishermans friends), strongly flavoured.  So when I do try to taste batter the flavour is screwed up from the candy. Makes it easier to resist.

You have the right attitude........let it go and move on.

I have to taste stuff sometimes too just to get the demon off my back.  Usually, it makes me feel really awful if I try to over do it and makes me not want it again.  Kind of a negative reinforcement thing.

BTW...you do realize that they have cake batter protein shakes, right?  Way too sweet for me and I never liked raw cake batter but the shakes taste just like it.  I also had a vanilla cake one that tasted just like cake batter.  YUK!

Sadly, I haven't found anything that tastes like baking cake smells.

Well don't sweat it.  I would've gone for the can of icing myself and have many times.  I didn't always feel good afterward but did that stop me from doing it the next time...no.  Oh well, live and learn.  We aren't perfect just human.

Laura

Yeah..we have to remember that first..we are human....we are not our weight or our addictions....we are our strenghts and our weaknesses..we are how we deal with them and those around us...

You proved.....not that you had to....but you proved to yourself that you are still you ..only now what once was a weakness is now an opportunity to exercise your strength of control and not deprive yourself of normal..every day enjoyments,

Because you shared this...you have given hope...and validation to those of us that still need to grow witin ourselves...thanks..and good for you.

LOVE THIS; "Everything was going well until...the ingredients mixed together and the smell of cake batter filled my nostrils. It was like...Edward when he is around Bella, intoxicating."

Ahhhh I love it! Also I have done the same thing. But atleast I only licked the spoon and not the bowl and 3 cupcakes like I might have in the past. The batter is not as tasty as I remember, but I LOVE To bake cakes for my family and friends so I just mix and put the spoon/bowl straight into a sink of soapy water so I dont tempt myself. Dont beat yourself up over it. we are all human.

LOVE THIS POST!  you have a great attitude and I'm gonna bookmark this :) 

Thanks for sharing.