Boyfriends not going with me to surgery

happiegirl
on 4/11/12 1:03 am - Albuquerque, NM
VSG on 04/24/12
lol if this was my best friend I'd have beat her butt for staying this long...but I'm one of those that just can't admit that I've made a mistake.

HW: 351 Pre-op: 272  Current: 140.7 Goal:160      M1:14 M2:14  M3:11  M4:10 M5:10  M6:12  M7:8  M8:6 M9: 6 M10:7 M11: 6 M12: 4 M13: 5 M14:7 M15: 4 M16: 3 M17: 1   M18: 4

 
"Glory lies in the attempt to reach one's goal and not in reaching it." - Gandhi
 

    

bedazzle
on 4/11/12 12:54 am
VSG on 04/26/12
Sadly this is quite common, our weight is their security blanket also. They need us to be fat so that we "need" them. Stay strong and know that everything happens for a reason. We may not always know the reason right away but in time you will. Eventually you will look back on this relationship and ask yourself "Why was I ever with this person who brought me down?". The next person will love you for you and not because you satisfy their need to feel needed.
        
happiegirl
on 4/11/12 1:06 am - Albuquerque, NM
VSG on 04/24/12
This is one of the strange things.  Why would you want someone to need you?  I mean really?  Why would you want me to stay unhealthy?  He said it that he's afraid I'll leave when I get skinny.  This was never about my looks because even at 351 I was happy with myself.  I'm just afraid of what being at this weight is doing to my health.  It was all starting to show...sleep apnea first.  The Doctor said I would get diabetes...not even maybe.  He just doesn't get it.

HW: 351 Pre-op: 272  Current: 140.7 Goal:160      M1:14 M2:14  M3:11  M4:10 M5:10  M6:12  M7:8  M8:6 M9: 6 M10:7 M11: 6 M12: 4 M13: 5 M14:7 M15: 4 M16: 3 M17: 1   M18: 4

 
"Glory lies in the attempt to reach one's goal and not in reaching it." - Gandhi
 

    

Kevin H.
on 4/11/12 1:53 am - Baltimore, MD
VSG on 02/06/12
On April 11, 2012 at 8:06 AM Pacific Time, happiegirl wrote:
This is one of the strange things.  Why would you want someone to need you?  I mean really?  Why would you want me to stay unhealthy?  He said it that he's afraid I'll leave when I get skinny.  This was never about my looks because even at 351 I was happy with myself.  I'm just afraid of what being at this weight is doing to my health.  It was all starting to show...sleep apnea first.  The Doctor said I would get diabetes...not even maybe.  He just doesn't get it.
  He said it that he's afraid I'll leave when I get skinny.


That's the whole thing right there.  That says a lot about his own insecurity.  It is quite common.  I'm not trying very hard right now to find someone.  There are lots of changes involved with this surgery.  Physical as well as mental.  Sometimes the partners that we choose are people that we just "settle" for because we don't think we can do any better.  He was quite comfortable knowing you were overweight and not going anywhere.  Once you get to your goal weight, you will be feeling so much better mentally that you may no longer be attracted to the same types of people.  Loosing weight has split up many many couples.  What you wanted when you were fat isn't going to be the same thing you want necessarily when your not.  It's probably for the best and just worry about you for now .. for once ... be selfish.

 
  

gmb87
on 4/11/12 1:02 am - East Aurora, NY
VSG on 01/10/12
It sounds like he doesn't deserve you. He in no way should resent you trying to improve your quality of life. It could have meant a longer happier life togeter, but again he doesn't value you or your feelings and you will find someone even better. It sucks but is probably for the better, your new life has no room for negativity. Good luck, speedy recovery. This is one time when being a loser is a good thing.
Remember  it's bariactric surgery, not brain surgery! You need to get your head in the game!!!!                      
happiegirl
on 4/11/12 1:07 am - Albuquerque, NM
VSG on 04/24/12
Thanks! lol I'm trying...only positive thoughts! 

HW: 351 Pre-op: 272  Current: 140.7 Goal:160      M1:14 M2:14  M3:11  M4:10 M5:10  M6:12  M7:8  M8:6 M9: 6 M10:7 M11: 6 M12: 4 M13: 5 M14:7 M15: 4 M16: 3 M17: 1   M18: 4

 
"Glory lies in the attempt to reach one's goal and not in reaching it." - Gandhi
 

    

(deactivated member)
on 4/11/12 1:13 am
Take the next year or so to focus all of your energy on getting healthy and strong.  Then, look for the most loving, caring, unselfish man you can find.  Don't settle for less than what you want.  This might be just what you needed to start this journey right.
slimpickins5280
on 4/11/12 1:32 am - CO
Yes! I'm with Elina! This is the time to focus on you. A lot of things are going to change this coming year - not just your weight.

You are going to start really liking the person in the mirror. You'll find strength you didn't know you have. You might find some insecurities that you didn't know you have.

Focus on you and THEN go find someone special to share the new you with.

*hugs*

VSG 10/18/11      If you don't like the road you're walking, start paving another one.-Dolly Parton





 


 

happiegirl
on 4/11/12 1:45 am - Albuquerque, NM
VSG on 04/24/12
I hope you guys are right.  I asked him if he'll like me skinny and he says he doesn't know...and recently he talk about how much he likes my body...It makes me feel bad because I know I'm going to change.

HW: 351 Pre-op: 272  Current: 140.7 Goal:160      M1:14 M2:14  M3:11  M4:10 M5:10  M6:12  M7:8  M8:6 M9: 6 M10:7 M11: 6 M12: 4 M13: 5 M14:7 M15: 4 M16: 3 M17: 1   M18: 4

 
"Glory lies in the attempt to reach one's goal and not in reaching it." - Gandhi
 

    

happiegirl
on 4/11/12 1:44 am - Albuquerque, NM
VSG on 04/24/12
Do them make unselfish men? I don't know...I just feel like I"m done with the whole thing. If I was doing this for vanity I could see him being upset...but I'm doing it for my health!

HW: 351 Pre-op: 272  Current: 140.7 Goal:160      M1:14 M2:14  M3:11  M4:10 M5:10  M6:12  M7:8  M8:6 M9: 6 M10:7 M11: 6 M12: 4 M13: 5 M14:7 M15: 4 M16: 3 M17: 1   M18: 4

 
"Glory lies in the attempt to reach one's goal and not in reaching it." - Gandhi
 

    

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