jealousy between siblings...Ranting!!

Boy was my doctor right when he said that weight loss surgery can change ur family life.. I thought he was nuts.. But I come to find out that my sister is all mad cause i had surgery and havnt told anyone.. Im a liar!!!  Then my brother got into it.. Hes no jealous cause hes only 50 lbs overweight and didnt qualify for the surgery like my younger brother and I.. whatever!!!  Its just stupid.. Arent they suppose to support me and love me no matter what?? I thought so.. I thought they were suppose to be there for me and understand what i did and why I did it.. 
But all they can do is talk about me and my family.. UGH!!! 
And yeah I know the old saying about family and we have to live with them.. But I dont agree.. I have no problem putting them out of my life. If they really wanted to be there then they wouldnt have started this. Im done with them all.. No one is taking this away from me.. No one is bringing me down.. NO ONE!!!

OH wow.....I can really relate to this!!! Get this---I got approved for surgery (bypass) back in early to mid 2010--I decided not to do it--my husbands sister jumped and got her sleeve in Nov 2010. I was jealous, but happy for her. My brothers wife, who we had always had a rocky relationship, and had just gotten close(who also had part in talking me out of getting my bypass prior) told me that she had been hiding something from me--she had decided to get the surgery--I was like cool--I think im gonna try to get back in for mine. She was like ok--NOT!! She got all mad--not because I got the surgery, but because I got it first!! She started talking to MY dad, step mom, half sister etc about how I stole her surgery and I was gonna fail. Now, she has the surgery as well, but got hers a month and a half after mine. AND STILL almost 6 months after me getting my surgery, she still has hard feelings. I know this situation is really hard and I feel for you.

 Well you have the right attitude stay strong this is your life and no one should be able to take away your happiness only you have that power. I had a sister that was upset with me and even my kids and husband sometimes throw out the occasional easy for you you had surgery I just let it roll off and accept that this is their issue not mine but I will say that as time has gone on being thin has become the new norm for my family and they have all gotten over their jealousy issues their anger and accept the new me and there is no more talking behind my back so maybe give them some time and space and hopefully they will come around stay strong be happy 

I have a best friend that's jealous as heck that I'm applying for the surgery. Of course she says she can do it without the surgery and every time someone notices that I've lost weight (25lbs) she instantly chirps up and says 'but I've lost 55 lbs'! Absolutely NO WAY! She doesn't even look like she's lost 5 lbs and her clothes all fit the same as they did before. I'm in another size and haven't even told her that cause I'm sure she'll have some comeback about how she's doing better. She eats 3 times what I do but she's lost over twice what I have - right!!!  You just have to ignore some people sometimes and pick your battles. Of course, if it's family and they're causing a bit issue in your life then that's a battle you have to handle to your best abilities be it facing it head on or walking away from it completely. I choose to still be friends with my girlfriend but refuse to talk diets with her anymore, that's how I handle it. And I don't expect her to really be there for me if and when I get approved and get my surgery. Can't be disappointed that way. Good luck to you!! 

Just a thought:
How badly they are behaving =How badly they feel about themselves


I am not saying be a doormat by all means make your expectations clear and set your boundaries. You had a medically needed surgery and your medical records are NO BODY'S business. If they don't agree with your choices that's fine but that you do not have to conform to their expectations. Some people I have told, some people I have not - it is a personal choice as is the sharing of ANY of your medical information.

I know you are angry with how they are behaving but as I said the problem they have is with themselves, not you. So, rather then just deleting them maybe taking some time away from them is in order.

Just another opinion to take or leave as you see fit.:)

In any case good luck-
Christina

I learned through therapy to cut all toxic people out of my life, and that does include family.  Good luck and do what you need to do!!

There are so many ripple affects caused by a big change like this. It's really hard to predict how people will react to such a change. I toy with who to tell and who not to tell pre-op. I have no idea what to expect post-op when people start to see the huge changes. I am pre-op and have told very few people so far...my husband, daughter and son (both teenagers), 2 friends and 1 person I work with. I haven't even told my best friend yet and we usually tell each other everything. She has been in a hard place and is also stuggling with her weight. I worry about how she will react. I know I shouldn't and it should be about me. I'm working on that part. I know she will be supportive but I also expect it will make her feel bad since she is not in a place right now to do something like this. Clearly VSG is not just about weight loss. It's kind of like an onion...we just keep peeling back the layers and finding new things. Some are pleasant surprises and others are those unpredictable negative responses that surface. I guess we just need to keep our eye on the target and the rest will fall into place as it is meant to be.

I would give yourself some space and give them some time to adjust. I don't think you are a liar at all. If anything their reactions now are making it clear why you didn't tell them earlier!

I can relate...my sister had lapband 2 years ago...when I started my consults for my sleeve she come up with a billion reasons why it's a bad idea and I should never have it done. Now I'm only 30lbs from bypassing her in weight ( and im 3 months out from surgery...before surgery we both started at around the same weight give or take a few pounds) and she is telling everyone I'm losing too fast and it's unhealthy. She even tried to tell my parents and other family members the sleeve was experimental and thats why my dr. was so set on me having it.

This is exactly why I haven't said anything to my parents yet. My Dad is a doctor and knows it all, of course, but he is now 72 and not exactly up on the latest. My Mom is one that can't let me be too happy. She seems to need to find that little ray of doubt about everything good. I just don't need that. I want to hear first hand from people like you what you have experienced, the bad and the good. I want the facts not the opinions...thank you very much!

I'm so happy for your success and so fast! The more I hear about the sleeve, the more it gives me hope that it is a right fit for me.

 THANk you all for your support.. Ive decided that after all the hate that spewed from my famalies mouths last night. and how im a liar and I know they are all jealous of me and what I have accomplished.. with or without surgery.. Im done with them. Ive DELETED them from my life.. I dont need people telling me negative things about my life and my famaly. Just trying to bring me down.. I have the love and support of the people I need it from.. My kids, husband, mother and my grammy.. Thats who matter to me.. If they cant handel that my medical business is just that.. My business.. and they had no right ( Outing my lying butt) on Facebook to all my friends and such..  They can no longer be part of my life.. But I am glad and kinda sad that im not the only one who is dealing with this or has already delt with it.. we are all strong.. we have accomplished so much.. My sleeve is the best thing i could have ever done for me.. And to all who are thinking abt it.. DO IT!!!  u will be sooo happy...