Relationships!

So yes, I know that a great deal of relationships fail after WLS.  My boyfriend has been so crazy recently.  I get the "go sleep with someone else" or even when I go to the store I get accused of "going to see someone else."  Oh yes and the, "now that men are noticing you, you can go F someone else."  I'm trying so hard to keep it together but...he just criticize everything I do.  I just ignore it now, I'm so sick of fighting.  He's told me such big lies in the past that I just can't forget.  I know I'll probably stay in this relationship but I just can't continue to be nice and affectionate with all the criticism.  I just can't.  Maybe I gave up my relationship for weight loss surgery...idk....I just wish he'd be nicer, I don't know why he has to be so mean.  I can't always be strong but it seems like everyone around me expects me to be.  Really this is bringing me down today.

He's feeling really insecure.  HOWEVER, that doesn't give the right to use such harshness with you.  Maybe suggest counseling, if not, tell him to hit the road.  You don't have to put up with BS.

His actions are going to make you leave, not your surgery. We have the surgery to better our lives. With that, some of us make a decision to get rid of other bad habits and baggage that was holding us back. It's possible that this may shed some light on the reality of your relatonship, good or bad.

I agree with RockinMama. One sentence you wrote is the key to me: "He's told me such big lies in the past that I just can't forget." Insecurity about your beautiful changes could be overcome if he's willing to try, but it sounds like this is another symptom of relationship danger. Examine your heart, and make sure you remain HappieGirl! I know this is hard, praying the best for you.
Janet

Honey, I'll be honest, Leave now while you have the chance. Really, why are you staying with him? Because guess what, as you lose more weight, it will just get worse and he will become more insecure because you will be feeling better and better about yourself. No part of this relationship sounds fun or happy. Right now, you need to be focusing on you and making you healthy and an unhealthy support system will never get you to goal. You are a beautiful person and you will find someone that thinks you are just as beautiful.

I agree with the above that you should be focusing on yourself.  And he sounds very insecure I can't say if that will change or not.  Im sorry this is bringing you down today.  You are a beautiful person inside and out and you deserve to be happy. 

Sweetheart, I am here if you need a shoulder.  I am sorry to say, it probably will not get any better. Life is too damn short.....no need to spend it with someone that is completely disrespectful to you!! 

Surround yourself with loving, supportive and encouraging people.  When I lost weight with my band, my marriage crumbled.  That was 3 years ago.  I am now in a wonderful, healthy and loving relationship.  I am so glad I left the bad one, my life is a thousand times better for it!!

I hope that as you progress and grow in the coming weeks and months, that you come to believe that you are deserving of great love, respect and happiness, and that you are able to make decisions based on that belief.

No one can tell you whether to stay in your relationship, and although I have a great deal of respect for my counselor who has helped me as an individual, I have great doubts about the effectiveness of couples counseling when one person is not fully invested in the process.  I would certainly encourage you to find a good counselor to help you make decisions that build your self-respect and self-love.

You don't deserve someone being mean to you because you are becoming a better, happier, stronger you. 

I left an emotionally/verbally abusive 10-year relationship before I had surgery.  It was not a decision I made or acted on quickly or easily.  It took some time to see the relationship for what it was and it was very difficult for me to decide that I wasn't able to "fix" it.  I am so much happier now.

I wish you a peace- and love-filled life, because you deserve it, no matter how much you weigh. 

Here's my perspective/opinion/advice, and I realize this is not going to sound very nice at all, but please read with an open heart.

You are WORTHY of better. You deserve nothing less than EVERYTHING from your partner.

This is HIS ISSUE, NOT yours. Surgery didn't cause this, you didn't cause this, you've stated he's lied to you in the past, you can't forget those lies so obviously the relationship had issues long before you decided to get "skinny".

Your weight has absolutely zero efffect on how faithful you are to him. However, you've allowed **** poor behavior in the past and now he's threatened by the fact that you are losing weight and getting noticed. Again, this is HIS issue, not YOURS. He's the one that is being toxic, not you, and you are allowing the behavior. When you decide that you are worthy of a loving, giving and non-toxic relationship you will leave. Until then, you are going to be miserable. It's your choice, as much as it pains me to write it, you are in control of how this all ends. I'm an advocate for fighting for a relationship BUT (you knew there would be a but in there), YOU can not change him, his behaviors, and no amount of counseling will resolve these issues until he is willing to recognize and work on his issues.

You can't wish niceness into anyone. Be wise now and take control of your life, stop allowing him to tear you down emotionally and mentally. You do deserve better regardless of your pant size and no woman's weight should define her or negate her feelings. You are more than a number on a scale and you are more deserving than what he is giving you.

The only thing worse than being in a bad relationship for a full year, is being in a bad relationship for a full year and one day.  Think about it.  You deserve more and I am a big advocate for working things out.  This does not sound to me like the type of situation that can be worked out.  His insecurities, lies and mental abuse will push you away in the end.  The only thing you can control here is how long that will take.  Good luck to you and hugs.  This is not easy but it needs to happen so that you can open up the space in your life for a healthy loving relationship to come in.