I'm NOT Telling!!!

I have decided NOT to tell anyone in my circle that I am having the sleeve. That includes friends, coworkers, etc....

The ONLY 3 people that will know are my son, my bestie, & my surgeon.


How hard will it be to keep a secret?
How long can the secret be kept?
Regrets not telling?

ANY of you sleev'ers been thru this before???

Thanks

I can only speak for myself, but when I didn't tell anyone about the band and tried to pretend to eat and drink, when I was out and pretend it wasn't there, made it very difficult.  I had no support system.  I would pretend for so long that I would convince myself that the band wasn't really there.  This time with the VSG, I plan on telling anyone who asks.  I can't be embarassed anymore for needing help.  I am actually devistated right now  by how much weight i have gained and how i have let myself go to h**l.  This time it is about me.  To He* l, with everyone who thinks this is going to be an easy way out.  I'll be heatlhy and stay healthy and in the end, that is all that matters.  Good luck - it is a personal choice, so do as you see best, but I went there and not a very good place to be.

My thoughts and just my thoughts.

People talk. I'm not saying disclose before or even after, but what I found is that people talked and spreading false information is just as difficult to deal with as it dealing with the truth and the comments that follow. If you're confident in your decision, no one's opinion should matter, right? We all know the horror stories, we all know that Mary's cousin's brother's best friend's wife had "that" surgery and she nearly died, became anorexic, looked sick and deathly and then gained back all her weight. I'd much rather people know the truth, and be able to be judgmental on my terms.

Lying by omission with the "just portion control and exercise" is ONLY going to work for so long and unless you are doing it Biggest Loser style with 6-8 hours in the gym every day, people will figure it out. And, even then people are going to talk and be negative.

Comments are going to happen. Some out of concern for your well-being, some from just snide, assy comments. Our reaction to those comments and situation is what really counts.

I did not completely disclose the details on FB. I was posting some pictures early out, and you know it got me comments from long term friends asking if I was abusing amphetamines. Because I was up all hours of the night while my husband was deployed waiting on that not-so-common email or phone call from him and I was dropping weight. My very closest friends knew, but I finally had a 'COMING OUT" post and cleared up a lot of the issues.

It's a very personal decision. If you can handle the snide, backstabby comments, then it might be best to keep it quiet. I personally, am pretty confrontational and open so I chose and still choose to be an open book about it.

AND, because of my openness and honesty, I have now had 11 friends follow through with VSG, 2 got RNY, and that's a total of 13 lives I helped change for the better. 13 people who are leading healthier, skinny, normal lives and are working on themselves because I decided to not be shameful or scared of the ignornant stigma that comes to those of us who choose surgery as a last resort to achieve better health and live longer.

I love how you can handle the snide backstabbing comments. I am also a military wife and some miltary wives can be so harsh so I have decided to keep it mostly to myself for now. I have told a few people but don't want anyone talking me out of the surgery. I haven't figured out what I am going to do after the surgery and how I will handle people asking me questions. I don't know if I will be that person who says high protien, portion control, and exercise (probably so because it is possible to lose quickly following that plan just hard to keep it off in my experience) but I may decide that I don't want to keep it to myself. I don't think I will ever be so open that I post it on FB. I have struggled with this decision a lot because I am not a person that lies but I figure it is a personal choice in my personal life and I don't feel like I am telling a lie if I don't announce it. I mean I don't blast my sex life on FB or talk about my monthly cycle and those are personal things so why should I have to share this with others? You are right it is a choice and I hope one day I have the confidence that you have and can be open about it! I really look up to you! 

I don't blame you.

I should let you know, I was a "new" military wife when I had my revision. I literally had ONE friend here and she was a nutcase that broke up with me via a myspace message after my surgery. SO, I really was alone. And, then I joined the spouses' club, I started bowling on the league.

I was only 3 months out when I joined, and only 3.5 months out when we started bowling. Due to my extensive complications, I had just been released for "normal" activity, and I was scared of having issues exerting energy or being around strangers who didn't know me, or  what I had done to my body.

I emailed the head lady of the league and without ever laying eyes on her, I told her my story. I explained to her that I kept a some hard candy in my purse and some beef jerky that if I started looking weak, shaky, or like I was going to pass out, to please watch out for me.

Today, 3 years later, she is one of my dearest and closest friends here. I went ahead and told my partner and the 2 ladies we were bowling against that day. I had already dropped about 70-75lbs so no one here knew me fat, well I was still fat, just not as fat.

The biggest thing I didn't realize is that every Wednesday when we bowled, we do lunch afterwards. Talk about awkward. 16 ladies sitting around and one of the fatties in the group is only eating 2-3oz of food per meal. Of course, the "looks" started when  I ordered just the steamed pot stickers, knowing I would only eat the inside of 2-3 of them. So, as all eyes glared at my plate of leftovers, I asked for a to go box, I just blurted out "I had 85% of my stomach removed a little over 3 months ago, and I can't eat a lot right now because I had a lot of complications and it is what it is".

Not one negative comment. Those ladies have been my pillars in this harsh, gossipy and sometimes just downright mean-spirited community of catty-ass women. They all watched me shrink to goal in another 3 months, watched me lose hair, watched me go bat**** crazy with the hormones, and then ultimately saw me leading a very normal life once I got into maintenance. So, I didn't have anyone to tell pre-op. They ALL know my story now. Every one of them know every horrific detail of my lapband experience, my complicated and almost fatal revision story, and cheered me on through our long year of failed conceiving efforts. 

Then, when 6 of them wanted to have surgery, I was the person they came to. I went to seminars with them, I sent them all the research documents I had saved. I didn't receive one negative comment except from one lady. She was doing the "diet pill doctor" thing, ya know Adipex, and she just said "if I can't lose weight and keep it off with these pills, I'll do something drastic like you". . . Least to say, here we are 3 years later and she's getting VSG. 

I'm an open book on FB, but I don't post about that stuff either. It is super personal, I just hate misinformation and truly despise people saying "ohhh she must have had XX done". It was just easier for me to be open from the get go. Mainly, because I was "new" to the military wife world, and new to this community.

You do what's best for you ! ! !

I am not new to this in any way. I have been married to my husband for 10 years. And there has recently been a thread in one of our wives groups where some of the wives were gossiping (Complaining that Tricare covers GP but won't cover this or that and they think it is bull crap). I do believe that I will share it if I meet a wife that is struggling with her weight and I feel that she can benefit from the surgery. That is how I found out that it was an option for me. Another wife here who is very private and didn't tell anyone how she lost weight sent me a message because she knew I was struggling. She told me how to get the process started. I would never betray her trust and tell people that she had the surgery because I apprecaite her telling me. I guess that is the plus to being a military wife. I don't really have to go PUBLIC with it because when I leave here at the next duty station nobody will have ever known me as the fat person so I can just be a normal person. I just don't want to be "THAT GIRL THAT HAD SURGERY" because I want to just live a normal life. I don't want to talk about it all the time. You know what I mean??? And to be 100% honest my cousin recently lost over 100lbs in less than a year and she didn't have the surgery. She is doing the HCG diet so it is possible to do it. So not everyeone has to have the surgery to do it. I couldn't do the HCG diet and don't know how healthy it is but she has had amazing results and she looks great and feels great so I am happy for her but I couldn't have done it. I do have some friends here that know about it and I have shared it with one person that I am not SUPER close to because I feel like she may benefit from it. If they share it with others there is nothing I can do about it. I just hope they don't because it isn't their story to tell. My surgery is next week. Who knows...I may be an OPEN BOOK after the surgery but for now I am not. My family doesn't even know I am doing it. I may share with them later but for now I haven't! I hope to stay in touch with you because I always read your posts and I look forward to seeing what you have to say.

I completely understand! ! !

If you're on FB, I'm there way more than I am here. I update A LOT, I post pictures constantly so my family can see us and the kids considering they never get to see us.

Feel free to shoot me a message with your Facebook information and I'll find you. I have my page locked down due to the mister's MOS and job, and I don't need people finding me all that easily.

 I'm a military spouse as well.  I decided on wls because another spouse told me she'd had it.  Imagine if she had kept it a secret, would I even be here?  So I went the other way.  I post about how I'm losing weight, all of it, including the 1/2 marathon training, struggling with getting my water, all of it.  I've had more people ask me ?s about wls and I've helped stop some of the ignorance.  Plus I find by being matter of fact people just keep the negativity to themselves.  It's sort of like a baby's name.  Once you've said that's it this is the baby's name, what the hell are they going to do about it.  They may talk **** behind your back but really you can't stop stupid.  

I was only sleeved 4 months ago and 2 of my friends are already in the process of getting sleeved an another is looking at either the sleeve or RNY.  I realize activism isn't for everyone, I get that, and it's all our own journey but we really can make a difference.

I agree with you and if I see another spouse struggling with their weight I am sure I will share my story with them. I wouldn't leave someone struggling....that isn't the type of person I am.

I am not planning on annoucing that I had the sleeve done, not immediately at first. I want to make it work for me first. I am telling 5 family members, 6 including my husband and a couple co-workers.

I think that it will be harder to keep a secret once the weight starts coming off but I am just trying to think of how hard it was to keep it a secret that I was pregnant, LOL