NSV - A Hard One Though

 So this week I am learning how much I have truly changed and grown. My husband left for a trip to China for two weeks with some people from our church to teach english. We had somethings happen...it's a long sordid story...long and short of it is that we have some very huge things to work out when he gets home, I have been left with a gaping wound that hurts so badly and we don't really get to work on it for two weeks. It's a big deal...things are hard it sucks. 

My normal MO - a year ago - before counseling and before VSG - I would have numbed this pain with loads of ice cream and fast food and anything else I could find. But not this time. In fact, I have grown so far that I can identify my feelings and live with them. They suck...this sucks...it hurts so much. But I do not feel the need to medicate my real life with some food. 

In fact, my first response was to drive straight to the gym (so as not to take my hurt and anger and stuff out on the kids too) and burn off some of the excess energy/adreneline. I have also been able to reach out to my support group...people in my life who I know have my back and I can trust them to be supportive and helpful instead of bringing me down more.

Also, apparently this stress is huge for weight loss. I have lost more weight this week than in the past couple weeks. And this has only been going on since Tuesday night. 

So I am glad to find that I have grown. It is a painful way to discover this. I know that my husband has some serious things that need to be worked on. He has hidden in my shadow of brokenness for so long...and now my shadow is shrinking through real healing (and literally shrinking in size) that his broken parts are becoming exposed too. It's tough. I always thought he was better than that...better than me. I have had him on a pedestal of sorts for years and now I am seeing the truth (facing it honestly and not hiding from it) clearly for the first time...he is a normal, broken person...just like me. My broken stuff manifested itself in a lot of extra weight...very visible to the world. His brokenness has been well hidden for too long. 

 I'm so sorry your are going through this pain, but I'm glad it's become a teaching moment for you.  Learning to just feel the good with the bad, is something I struggle to do but I'm so glad I have a great therapsit who's helped me deal with it.  And hitting the gym is definitely my way of dealing too!  Make sure you have other people to lean on in these rough times.  My thoughts are with you.

 Hugs

You truly seem to have a healthy plan of attack on this.  I am very glad to read that you are so cognizant of not taking it out on the kids or on yourself (overeating) and instead off to the gym to help work though the situation.  Hang in there and I hope whatever your situation is that it improves.

 Thank you. 

Wow...I can feel your pain and broken heart thru your words.
I am so very sorry that you are facing this difficult time. Continue to treat yourself well during this challenging time of reflection and growth....even if there is loss of some kind, there can still come growth.

Have faith that this too shall pass

 Thank you. I have hope for what the end of this will look like...there will be a day when this isn't painful like this...I hope it results in restoration, redemption, and healing!

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Not using food to numb our emotional responses to events, situations, and people can be very, very painful. It is HARD to feel those feelings and not want to squash them with food. I used to do that. Not using food results in us, being present and more aware. It can be an eye opener. Using the gym can be very therapeutic and is a lesson in dealing with those feelings more effectively. I have done the same thing, when feeling upset about something. It always felt better to exercise than to numb myself out with food.


(((HUGS))). Emotional growth can be very painful, but in the end, you will be grateful for being to cope with those feelings more effectively.


Gail

 This is so true. Being present in the pain and hurt is SO hard! And I am so much more keenly aware of it now. I am glad that I am...hopefully when the healing comes in our relationship and in his life I will be more present to feel the good too. But man this is tough. 

A friend pointed out last night that I began this healing and growth process nearly a year ago. He is just finally beginning it...and he is still so stunted/immature in his growth and being present in our marriage. It feels so hard to be patient with him. But I have to remember that I was like this (in different ways) too and be gracious to him and allow him time to grow too. I just hope he does the work. 

Wow, just wow!  I'm so sorry you are going through all this, but glad that you are more aware of yourselft, your feelings and what's going on with Hubby.  I hope things turn out on a happy note upon his return.  Maybe the temporary separation will give you both time to think things through.  Hugs and good thoughts going your way.  Stay strong and hang on to that positive attitude and awareness...

Deb

He has hidden in my shadow of brokenness for so long...and now my shadow is shrinking through real healing (and literally shrinking in size)

What a beautiful way to put your growth and his struggles.  I have no doubt you will make it through.  I, too, went through a very painful experience with my ex boyfriend just 3 weeks before surgery.  Discovered how much pain he is in and how his struggles ending up hurting me.  I  almost post-poned the surgery, but decided to take care of me. 

Sending you huge hugs of support and empathy!