Do I deserve more...

I just need some feedback, encouragement, perspective, something... I'm not even sure why I'm all of a sudden overwhelmed with these thoughts. But here it goes...

As some of you may know, I'm a disabled veteran. My VSG was done through the Bronx VA and all my expenses were covered through my benefits.  I'm a little over 100lbs down and have about 50+lbs to go and I've been thinking more and more about my body.  I of course have some sagging skin - nothing I feel is unbearable - but it's there.  I reached out to my surgery coordinator when I heard the VA would cover reconstructive surgery to remove excess skin after a bariatric procedure.  She confirmed, the VA offers this service and it's just a matter of requesting it through my PCP.

I'm not sure if it's the fact that I wasn't anticipating the ability to have plastic surgery or if I'm feeling a little unworthy of pursuing it.  I think it's more of the second. I'm a firm believer in weight loss surgery - I'm living breathing proof that it works! I even encourage others who have had tummy tucks and the like after reaching their goal - but for some reason I feel like I'm stepping into a realm of vanity that's a bit un-nerving for me.

I think I was okay with justifying my VSG with the need to improve my health.  Removing the majority of my stomach, under-going a permanent organ change, losing drastic amounts of weight in a short timeframe was all justifiable. My blood pressure would improve, I would no longer be pre-diabetic, I will live longer and feel healthier.  But this last option, it's just to make me look better - and i'm sure i will feel better as a result - but i can't seem to get rid of this nagging feeling that I should be grateful for what I already have. That I don't deserve the right to look any better than I look because of all the years of abuse I've put my body through with my lack of discipline and self control.

I know I'm being extra hard on myself - and I hate that these thoughts keep my awake.  I guess I'm just hoping there's someone out there that feels or felt the same way and to know how you dealt with it.  My husband has been surprisingly on board and so have my kids. I secretly was hoping they would object so I could get out of it and it be someone else's fault (lol). But not so.

Anywhooo.... do I deserve more? Your thoughts are appreciated.

Heck, if my insurance covered skin removal, I would be all over it when the time comes! I think you absolutely deserve it... you have worked your butt off! Keep up the great work

Thanks Moonglo82 - I guess I n ever expected to have the option (for real - lol) and now it's not only a reality, but not far away. I was prepared for the sudden weightloss - but this idea of erasing a lot of the damage is one I never let myself consider. Thanks for the encouragement.

Of course you do!!!! You've served our country, you've fought the weight loss battle and now you deserve the benefits. If you can't wrap your head around this maybe seek some counceling to understand WHY you absolutely deserve this.

TYTYTY Hislady! As I was writing this post, I thought - it may be time for some counseling. lol. I expected  the change in my eating habits, tracking everything I eat and exercising 5 - 6 days a week was going to be the difficult part. But to be honest, I took to it like a fish in water - it's been ALMOST effortless (almost - lol). But I guess in truth, I see that as sort of the minimum I should be doing after being blessed with this tremendous opportunity. The plastic surgery almost feels like a splurge that I'm not entitled to - and even saying that I realize I still have some work on my thinking that needs to be done. I'm gonna make the most of these next couple of months on my way to goal. I don't want to live with regret - that's for sure. Thanks for sharing.

YOU DESERVE IT GIRL !!!  Look what you have gone thru in your life...why not take advantage of it and LOOK & feel your best ?  Only way my insurance will cover plastics is if I have problems with my skin. You've come a long way....may as well finish the journey.

Hi Missey J! Thanks for the perspective - I definitely want to bring closure to this journey and I likely won't be able to do it knowing I left something on the table. Thanks for your encouragement.

I think that, of course, you are deserving of the skin removal surgery.

I think that maybe you are not ready for it quite yet. Give yourself some time to get your head around it. Get down to your goal weight and then pursue the surgery. Besides, no sense in having it done when you still have more to lose.

Take the time to get comfortable with who you have become as a thin person. I'm sure once you do, you'll understand that you are indeed deserving of the wonderful benefit your insurance through the VA provides.

Thanks Kairk - I think you hit the nail on the head. I clearly haven't wrapped my head around everything yet.  I'm definitely gonna wait til I hit goal - and I may even wait til i'm at least 12 months out from my surgery date to give myself a little time to stabailize. They only require that you show steady weight loss - but I'm sure I don't want to jump to a new goal before I accomplish the first one.  Your suggestion to take time and get comfortable with the new thin me is a great idea - I'm not sure all together how to do that - lol - but counseling sounds like it's definitely a starting point. Thanks so much for your encouragement.

First of all, I would like to thank you for serving our country and keeping us safe.    
Without a doubt you deserve to have this surgery.  I agree with Kairk.  Keep reaching for your goal and when you do, adjust to life as a thin person.  There's no need for you to rush into PS.  Take your time and wrap your brain around it.  You deserve everything that you've worked for!

((hugs))
Marie
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