Do I deserve more...
As some of you may know, I'm a disabled veteran. My VSG was done through the Bronx VA and all my expenses were covered through my benefits. I'm a little over 100lbs down and have about 50+lbs to go and I've been thinking more and more about my body. I of course have some sagging skin - nothing I feel is unbearable - but it's there. I reached out to my surgery coordinator when I heard the VA would cover reconstructive surgery to remove excess skin after a bariatric procedure. She confirmed, the VA offers this service and it's just a matter of requesting it through my PCP.
I'm not sure if it's the fact that I wasn't anticipating the ability to have plastic surgery or if I'm feeling a little unworthy of pursuing it. I think it's more of the second. I'm a firm believer in weight loss surgery - I'm living breathing proof that it works! I even encourage others who have had tummy tucks and the like after reaching their goal - but for some reason I feel like I'm stepping into a realm of vanity that's a bit un-nerving for me.
I think I was okay with justifying my VSG with the need to improve my health. Removing the majority of my stomach, under-going a permanent organ change, losing drastic amounts of weight in a short timeframe was all justifiable. My blood pressure would improve, I would no longer be pre-diabetic, I will live longer and feel healthier. But this last option, it's just to make me look better - and i'm sure i will feel better as a result - but i can't seem to get rid of this nagging feeling that I should be grateful for what I already have. That I don't deserve the right to look any better than I look because of all the years of abuse I've put my body through with my lack of discipline and self control.
I know I'm being extra hard on myself - and I hate that these thoughts keep my awake. I guess I'm just hoping there's someone out there that feels or felt the same way and to know how you dealt with it. My husband has been surprisingly on board and so have my kids. I secretly was hoping they would object so I could get out of it and it be someone else's fault (lol). But not so.
Anywhooo.... do I deserve more? Your thoughts are appreciated.
TYTYTY Hislady! As I was writing this post, I thought - it may be time for some counseling. lol. I expected the change in my eating habits, tracking everything I eat and exercising 5 - 6 days a week was going to be the difficult part. But to be honest, I took to it like a fish in water - it's been ALMOST effortless (almost - lol). But I guess in truth, I see that as sort of the minimum I should be doing after being blessed with this tremendous opportunity. The plastic surgery almost feels like a splurge that I'm not entitled to - and even saying that I realize I still have some work on my thinking that needs to be done. I'm gonna make the most of these next couple of months on my way to goal. I don't want to live with regret - that's for sure. Thanks for sharing.
I think that maybe you are not ready for it quite yet. Give yourself some time to get your head around it. Get down to your goal weight and then pursue the surgery. Besides, no sense in having it done when you still have more to lose.
Take the time to get comfortable with who you have become as a thin person. I'm sure once you do, you'll understand that you are indeed deserving of the wonderful benefit your insurance through the VA provides.

Without a doubt you deserve to have this surgery. I agree with Kairk. Keep reaching for your goal and when you do, adjust to life as a thin person. There's no need for you to rush into PS. Take your time and wrap your brain around it. You deserve everything that you've worked for!
((hugs))
Marie
I

Age: 50 Ht: 5' 3.5" SW: 261 BMI: 45.5 CW: 119.4 BMI: 20.8 Goal in 9.5 months (23.6 lbs below goal) Total lost: 141.6 lbs Inches lost: 84.25"
Month one: 22.2 lbs; Month 2: 17.4 lbs; Month 3: 11 lbs; Month 4: 13 lbs; Month 5: 11.4 lbs; Month 6: 9.2 lbs; Month 7: 13.2 lbs;
Month 8: 9 lbs; Month 9: 10.2 lbs; Month 10: 3.6 lbs: Month 11: 7.6 lbs Month 12: 5.8 lbs