Marriage after Sleeve...

 Thank you MuttLover, I am starting to consider that. I guess i just didn't expect to feel THIS alone. 

My husband has the surgery three years ago. He had around 150 to lose. I was completely against the surgery. Even went with him to a doctor's appointment to try to talk the doctor out of doing it (I had reasons not good ones just reasons). The doctor told me during that appointment that I would probably end up having the surgery too after seeing his results. Can I tell you I left that appointment beyond pissed. At that point I didn't think I was over weight (I was 80 lbs over weight at the time). My husband had the surgery and I supported him through the whole thing. Two and a half years later I had the surgery (different doctor). I saw the changes in him that I wanted to see in myself. It was the best decision I ever made.

Be selfish, focus on yourself. Everything else will play out the way it is suppose to play out.

I hear what you are saying. I don't want to hurt him. I guess it's that he's hurting me by NOT doing anything, and I am so sad. I don't want him to feel like I'm looking over his shoulder, I just want him to look at it himself. I just feel like if I don't say anything, don't do anything, then maybe he will never change and I will lose him. All I want is a healthy happy family, and I'm scared that I won't ever have that. 

 Thank you NP, that really means so much to me to hear you say that. 

I don't have much to add, other than support for you. My hubby and I are both pre-op, but definitely understand the food buddy thing. What I've started doing, in preparation is find other things for us to do...getting involved with other types of activities, so we still have things to do/talk about together - learn to play instruments, go to local plays and concerts, work in yard, small renovations to home, car day trips. Maybe you could try fishing, camping, volunteering, card games, bingo. Try to come up to things both inside your house and out..it'll help divert attention from food, and create other things to communicate about.
Best to you both,
Sophie

 Thank you, Sophie! Good luck to you!

 Mary,

Infertility brings a whole other level of heavy stress into your situation. I had IVF twins and 7 months later, VSG. There were many intense emotions and changes that came with both situations. If you access to counseling, please take advantage of it. Good luck to you and your husband.

Heather

 Counseling will likely be important at some point. 

I had a very strong marriage and still the weight loss became a strain at one point.  I'm now 2 years post surgery.  My husband is tall and very thin (6'3" and about 180lbs) despite a VERY large appetite.  He married me heavy and although I got even heavier before finally having the surgery he never complained about my weight.  He isn't particularly attracted to overweight girls......just me I guess.

What was tough for him was a bit of insecuity that now that I'm "hot" and "skinny" that I won't want to stay with him and a few months ago that came to a crisis.  I was gone for grad school and an artist residency which had me away from home for 5 weeks this summer.  Suddenly he suspected I was cheating on him.....something I would NEVER consider and he fell apart.  Much of this was due to a lapse in our communication skills that combined with his insecurity formed a disasterous ****tail.  However, we went to counseling and because we care about each other we've been able to work through this and our relationship is now FAR stronger than it ever was before!

I guess I just wanted to let you know that a change like this can strain what seems like even the strongest of relationships.  Concentrate on your own weight loss but be sure to let him know how much you care about him.  He may or may not decide that he will follow the same path as you, but until he makes the decision on his own he's not ready. 

I would also suggest that until the weight loss is done and you are both comfortable in this new "you" that you hold off on planning for baby.  A crisis isn't always immediate and you'll want to be sure that your relationship is going to weather this change before making the next step.

I have to go with Sleeve Girl here... Men (as much as we love them) are clueless.  They do not know what you want unless you tell them.  Even a long, happy marriage does not change them into intuitive creatures.  Sometimes you gotta lay it out.  Sit down with hubby, share your concerns with him honestly, do not get overly emotional when you are doing it, and tell him what you are feeling.  He may be feeling like he does not know what to say or like someone else mentioned, concern that he is losing you. 

Point is, if food is a major factor in your relationship, and you take it away, you have to put something else there... additional aspects of your relationship, a deeper caring, long walks, whatever.  I also reccomend going to therapy together.  If you have a therapist to deal with your food issues, take him to an appointment (IF HE WANTS TO GO... you cannot force him) and see if he is willing to talk to the therapist together.  Sometimes having an outside person offer advice is very helpful.

In the end though, he will work through his problems in his own way... just as you are doing in yours.  I honestly believe, when you work on yourself and get yourself in order, the rest of your life (with time) will fall into place, simply because you changed the central part of your life... you. 

Ok.  Here's what I see.  You are post-op and this is a struggle.  You aren't getting the support you need from your husband.  That's clear.  HOWEVER, you did this for YOU and I bet you that once he sees how fantastic you are going to be, he'll come to terms with his own weight/food issues and jump right on the bandwagon!

This is where you need US.  WE are your support! 

My marriage is on the rocks BIG time and I'm 6 days pre-op.  I even thought about cancelling because there are so many other things going on, I thought that maybe I wasn't ready for this but then I cracked myself in the head and realized that this is the one thing I'm doing for ME and it's only going to help my kids for me to be healthy. 

From what I read, most relationships change and if this journey pushes mine to end, then I'll be skinny, healthy and ready for the next one.  My real hope is that it makes my husband realize how strong I am and it will get better.  Either way, I'm going to feel better and so will you!

Anyway, this isn't about me, it's about you.  Your hubby can't get his head around it.  You have to accept that.  You have!  We're all here for you!! 

Everyone who has responded has said pretty much the same thing. I wish there was a "thumbs up" or a "like" button like Facebook!