husband finally said his feelings... long-ish

the at odds thing can be just like myhusband and I too. I always joke that we love intensely and argue intensely! opposites attracted big time with us lol! My date is 9/25!! a week from tomorrow!!!we should keep in touch about this husband situation the next few months! I hope you have an easy surgery!! best of luck!!

If you are an emotional wreck one week before surgery, don't you think he's got some emotions going on too?  I think it's pretty normal - even if he's not too worried about you going under the knife, there is still some worry there.  It's just natural!

My best advice is just take a nice deep breath, try to be as calm and ready as you can be and it will help him know that you are at peace with your decision.  You are gonna do great - it's just a stressfull time for all of you!

Thank you! so much! you are totally right!

This sounds so much like my husband. He told me he didnt think I needed it...Its a decision that I have made for myself and he said "he would support me" thats still to be seen....we have been at odds for months now....Im not happy others are experiencing this but I am comforted to know Im not alone. Still a lonely place though. Praying for you through your surgery and wishing you a speedy recovery....keep me posted.....I VSG date is 10/11

it is good to know we are in the same boat together!! I will be thinking of you on your surgery too!!

Hi Kristen D.

I've been exactly where you are. Even though my husband agreed that I could have the surgery - I always got the feeling he really didn't want me to.  I was getting so excited as we got closer to the date - God truly worked everything out and we paid $0 for the whole thing. But when I would want to talk about it, what life was going to be like after, how I was looking forward to losing the weight, etc. he would seem distant.

I did ask him, several times, if there was something wrong. He would just say - if I didn't want you to have it I would have said so. Of course - that's not answering the real question.  I think it's the vulnerability that's a bit un-nerving. And honestly, I'm not sure they even know why they feel the way they feel or why they are pulling away.  But as women, we like to share and discuss and plan - it's part of our nature (not a rule, but in general). We feel more intimate with our family and friends when we can share what's going on with us - but for men, sometimes, that make them feel even more exposed. So they tend to shut down and go inward.

What I can tell you is after the surgery and healing was over things started to turn around and he has been much more interested in what's going on with me and even the next phase in this journey.  I wouldn't press it or put too much stock in any feelings and emotions so close to a major event. Every nerve is close to the surface for both of you - so you could be inviting more anxiety than peace.  Things will get better on the other side.

Hope that helps,

Margaret (hugs)

I needed to read this!! thank you! thats exactly how it's been! Thank you so so so much!

I had my surgery on a Monday... On Saturday before dh and I had a date out to go to see WICKED performance, and went to dinner too (my pre-op diet allowed for 3 shakes and 1 'healthy' meal of 400 cal or less)...  at dinner dh and I were talking and I told him I was nervous and he said "so don't do it"... I was like 'WHAT?'... he said that his mom and some of her co workers thought I shouldn't do it (I am a teacher, my MIL is an office manager at a school I was working at, and I had mentioned to one of the teachers about it because I was working and she offered me a cupcake, and I was in pre-op diet lol) and that I was doing 'so great' on my own... Well the on my own was the whole pre-op diet part and going to the gym to a boot camp.  I lost 11 pounds in the 2 week pre-op and had lost 6 pounds going to the gym for 5 weeks prior to that... yes that is all fine and dandy  but I don't believe that as 'doing it all on my own' ya know?

I told dh that while appreciated his concern (and I knew he was worried about the surgery, I was supposed to have it in april 2011 but in march of 11 I was hospitalized with DVT and PE and had to have surgeries etc, very scary time) I knew that this was what I needed to help revitalize myself. 

And you know what, since having the surgery June 25th, I am now down 55.6 pounds.  and since starting May 14th in my 'focus' of healthy prep for surgery, gym routine, etc I am down 74.2 pounds.  This is due to a commitment after the surgery.  I feel great about myself, and my health.  I am still off from goal by another 70 pounds, but I feel like I CAN do it now.  My husband was like yours, would support me... but know, just 3 months out, he makes comments about how happy I seem, how he likes that I am eager to go to gym (never would have imagined that), he is excited for Nov for a 5k we are doing together (he is fit), and he randomly 'grabs' me for little play lol.  something he never did before.  it has helped us :)

good luck with surgery!

I'm so glad to hear things are turning around with him! (and you're doing great by the way!!!) I'm hoping we can get into healthy hobbies together too!!! We love to cook so I've been trying to get him excited with healthy meals and he's been receptive! so that helps too, tweaking something we love to do together with healthy ideas.

WOW..This sounds just like me.  My husband doesn't really want me to have the surgery either.  He wants me to just stop eating and go to the gym more....LOL

He even spoke to his PCP and his PCP said that I shouldn't get the surgery.  His PCP needs to Mind his own P's and Q's !!!!  

My husband is having a hard time with me not hanging out and drinking like I used to.  I quit smoking so I don't really drink anymore and he is missing that.

My husband thinks I'm going to DIE on him, and he is scared.  So, I don't really talk about the surgery to him, I just collect all the things I'm going to need for after surgery and I figure when I or If I get an approval I will let him know the date so he can drive me, but up until then I'm not saying much about it at all.  He said that if it makes me happy then fine, but he would rather me not have it.
Right now I'm not emotional I am just ready.  My surgery date is 10/11, pending approval.  I think I'm actually excited more than nervous.  I had to do the 6 month diet with the NUT so I have been ready for a long time.  I think things will get better with our husbands once everything is done and we are on our way to becoming HEALTHY and HAPPY!!