Spouse not on board.

I know how you can quickly lose over a hundred pounds even before surgery.  Dump your unsupportive girlfriend.

Shortly before  my surgery, my husband outright asked me if I was going to get skinny and leave him. I told him that his fears were unfounded as I have already put up with him for 28 and certainly wouldn't leave him how.  If I was going to do that, I would have done so a long time ago.  Besides, in marriage, its for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.  I took my wedding vows my very seriously, and will always keep them.  Perhaps it is this sort of fear stopping the support that should be coming from your girlfriend.

Have you told her, besides the fact that your mind is made up, that no amount of discouragement, or lack of support is going to change your mind?  It might help her realize that you are committed to having the surgery and help her to accept it.

I wish you all the best in getting your spouse on board, and a problem free surgery.

I will be 5 months out on the 31st of this month and at first my husband hated the idea and did not want me to have the surgery at all but I told him I love him but this is something he will just have to get over because I am going to do it and now that it is all over with he is happy and fine with my choice.

my husband actually help convinced me to get the surgery, he took me to a seminar and talked to me about the risks and also the risks of not doing anything about my weight problem,shore he is worried about something bad happening , he loves me as much now as when we got married over 30 years ago , but he is more worried about me having a heart attack stroke , or having a limb cut off or going blind, i have a bmi of 72 am diabetic, have asmia , sleep apnea, these heath problems are more dangerous than the surgery

If your girl friend is so against it she will not even look into it with you I think its time to dumb the *****  

We're all afraid of change, and maybe she believes you'll leave when you've lost the weight.  She'll need some support as well.  I'm nearly three years post op, I'm lucky as my marriage is stronger than ever.  Best of luck on your journey.

How long have you guys been together?  Has she witnessed you diet and lose only to regain?  Have you attempted dieting while living with her?  I hate when people who have never had a weight problem, state, "all you have to do is diet."  My ex husband, (22 years married) used to tell me the same thing.  *I divorced him in 2006, Got the LapBand in 2008 and lost 270lbs.  He and I are really good friends and he now tells me how proud he is of me for being proactive and doing something permanent.  During our marriage, he would do anything and everything to sabotage me.  I think he feared our relationship would change.  He had affairs which ended our marriage - and our relationship has changed now, not because of the divorce, but because when we do things together, I am an equal partner.  I can hike any mountain he can, I can ride my bike for the same 50 miles he can and I can do anything he could always do and I could never. 

I hate to agree with the poster who said, maybe it's time to part, but maybe it is.  This is a major life change for you.  AND you can cheat the Sleeve, not lose or regain - you really have to be diligent and on your game at all times.  Can you imagine, if you are Sleeved, (85% of your stomach gone forever) and you end up cheating it and not lose or regain - and having her tell you, she told you so? 

I think, no matter the reason for her not supporting you and telling you - "just lose it on your own."  You must have her support, Yes, People fear, but there comes a time when they grow up and realize that obesity is a condition that will eventually kill you - comorbidities that come with obesity are life changing - devastating and if you can lose your weight now - avoid those comorbidities and be healthy and happy -  that is what matters most.

I say, demand nothing less than the support of a good woman who loves you with all of her heart - OR move on.  You deserve better!

My wife was completely against it.  To the point where she was not my coach and had little interaction with my surgeon. She's explosive to begin with, but I kept getting lectures about losing weight the "respectable way" and that I was fat and lazy. Needless to say,a year and a half later and 150 lbs. pounds down, she has my same surgeon, wants the VSG, and is working towards it.  FEAR is the guiding principle in many peoples lives and they need to overcome that.

You can do it without her support, but I will tell you that I have no idea how anyone does.

My husband had reservations at first, but he knows me and he knows how much I research stuff so he asked the right questions and said "I'm not 100% sold, but I'm 100% on board, what do we need to do?" That "we" is very important. It's always been "we" and "us" and this has been no different. My success belongs to us both because he's been there through the celebrations, yes, but - even more importantly - through the dark times as well.

Without his support both pre-op and post-op, I have NO IDEA how I would have coped. I think you really need someone very supportive in your corner.

I would outright tell her that you need her to be supportive, that you don't need to hear the negativity. Tell her you've done your research and you want her to respect your decision.

This is a life changing thing. It's not something you decide to do. It's something you research, think about, and make an informed decision to undergo. It's really not about the surgery - it's about everything that comes with it.

Good luck. Find someone supportive in your life - if it isn't her, then it isn't her.

Well, first off, she has clearly not done any research, known anyone who has experienced it, or had any compassion for your prior attempts if she thinks you can do it all on your own and you will just stretch your stomach out and regain.  Secondly, if this is important to you, it should be something she is at least open to learning more about before she makes a judgemental (and obviously hurtful) reaction. 

Sure, she may be scared that you will want to find someone else.  I would try reassuring her that you just want to be the best YOU that YOU can be for HER. 

I don't want to be negative, I am only hearing your side, but, worst case scenario, is she happy being the "thin and attractive" one in the relationship because it gives her some sense of control, or security?  I don't say that to be mean, I say it from an experience.  I witnessed a similar relationship, and even when he (in this case it was the husband) came around to support the surgery, ultimately, it brewed up all of his insecurities. 

If the relationship is one you believe you want to keep lifelong, get both her and you into couseling now...if its not that kind of relationship....end it now, your life is fixing to change for the better, don't waste one minute of your new self on a dead end. 

Just my advice.........

Don't let it stop you.  

My husband was against me having surgery.  He was afraid of immediate injury/death, possible long term complications/health risks and also just plain thought I would fail and it would be a waste of money and unnecessary risk.

I was really scared pre-op and really ticked off at him.  I somehow did it anyway.

FWIW, knowing that he thought I would fail, imagining even the possibility of "I told you so", was a great motivator for me.  It was tough and looking back now I'm not sure how I did it, but I'm so glad that I did.