"It's not you, it's me." *vent*

Since my hubby isn't on here, I will share a bit of honesty that he has thrown my way during this process. Some of it sounds truly nuts, but he was honest so I took it .

Let me start by saying we had an amazing marriage before(not without its challenges of course) and we have an even stronger one now, but we have learned over the years that honesty really is the best policy. When you know someone well enough to pick up on the small cues, your mind can go a lot of scary places. Honesty stops that process dead in its tracks.

Now, on to what he's told me. There have been a few moments along the way where the physical part of our relationship has suffered. He always told me it was him and not me. He always assured me that he was attracted to me and to never worry about that aspect. Sometimes he was simply tired and the usual affections and snuggles were absent. I noticed more because I needed more from him(physical warmth and closeness have been my saving grace through this...not in a sexual context). I wanted that contact so not getting it was much more noticeable than before. There were times that he felt insecure because he saw me as becoming this beautiful person and he viewed himself as an out-of-shape slob. He has since begun working on his physical form as well. He is only 20 pounds overweight, but it's important to him so it's important to me.

The last reason I was given for a bit of his odd behavior really cracked me up and was completely unexpected. I asked him how he felt about our "physical" life. He told me that sometimes he had to remind himself this was "me" and what he was doing was ok. I was puzzled, of course and he explained that I "feel" different to him. When he's holding me in those personal moments, he said that on occasion he felt guilty as if he were cheating because I felt like a different person. Sometimes my physical changes did put him off a bit, but not for any reason I would have ever suspected. We have just taken life a bit at a time and things are great now. I'm pretty sure there won't be much more physical change since I'm down to the last 30ish pounds(at least not nearly as much as the past 100+ pounds were).

I can't say that your man feels the same way, but I am proud of my man for being honest with me even when it sounds a lil bit insane. He felt guilty for me not "feeling" the same way to him, and I'm guessing the guilt was from enjoying the new me. Your situation may not be anywhere near this, but always remember that he does have his own set of issues and if he's been a good man to you thus far, he is probably being honest that it is his issue and not yours. What he needs to realize is IF the issue is affecting you too, it is now "y'alls" issue and no longer just his. It must be dealt with no matter how trivial he may feel it is. Reassure him that you love him, and above all find something to laugh about. This process makes for some funny moments and being able to laugh helps relieve so much tension in any situation.

 

Good luck to you both!!

You know, this makes A LOT of sense to me. I actually read it out loud to him. He kind of smirked, gave me a look, and said, "YYYYYEAH pretty much!"

I really appreciate the input. I had never really thought about it like that. I was in the frame of mind that I'm losing weight, looking and feeling good, but he's not wanting me.

Thank you!

 

 

I'm glad it helped. Good luck as you continue your journey! Keep feeling beautiful and remember to laugh

Jenn