Telling people - first negative comment!

My surgery is scheduled for this Monday, Feb. 25th and I've been slowly telling a few close friends and some family members- major stressing on telling the friends.  The first 4 friends I told it went really well and they were so supportive and excited for me!  It went so well I got brave and thought - well I'll tell the other people in our circle of friends cause I knew they would find out eventually. There were a couple of people I was really nervous about  their reactions and my gut told me that they really wouldn't understand.  

Well - bottom line - listen to your gut - I was right - the first thing the one "friend" said - "Well - I've known two people who've had that and they've gained all their weight back."  Just made me feel like I was embarking on another diet failure - of course she has no weight problems and doesn't have a clue about what surgery I'm having, the research we've done,  the doctors I've met with, or what the bariatric surgery was of the people she knew who gained their weight back.  Or that gaining the weight back is my biggest fear.  

So again - to us newbies - LISTEN TO YOUR GUT OR INSTINCTS about the people you think you shouldn't tell - you are right!!  I should have let one of my supportative friends explain what was going on with my journey to her and I think I would have gotten a better response.  

No advice from me at all about dealing with family members - don't we all have at least one difficult family members to deal with??  

Well as of my reading of your post your surgery will have been done, and a big YEAH for you on that. And I am so understanding about the negativity. I will speak of this to nobody this time, everytime I spoke of it before something happened to keep me from my date.. Mine will be week of memorial day.. Hope your doing well stay positive

Oops - had wrong date - fixed now - surgery this Monday!

And I've been staying strong on my pre-op diet - no cheating.  And of course now since she bothered me my first instinct is to grab  a box of crackers or cookies or whatever.  Not going to do it!  Yes - lots of work to do on emotional eating!

Someone said that to me and this is what I said:

"Oh that must be frustrating for them" (The ones who gained it back) And then I gave a sympathetic smile and watched the person stutter and squirm because I didn't get all defensive like they had planned and they couldn't think of a good come back.

Yes, I AM EVIL! 

Then, after I had surgery, I told people I had surgery like this:

Them: You've lost weight. How did you do it?
ME: I had WLS AND IT WAS THE BEST THING I EVER DID FOR MYSELF! (BIG SMILE)

The nice people were happy for me and the nasty ones would sputter because they had planned to say something to scare me but now they couldn't.

Yes, I AM EVIL! 

In my experience the people who make the comments have never had a big weight problem. I hear "you can do this on your own, just eat healthy, why have surgery". I have done my best to explain the surgery to close family members and let them know that this is a tool, I still will have to put in the work to make it successful. In the end it is my decision to have this surgery. If others don't like it oh well!! 

Melissa

I had one friend react negatively, but I knew it was going to be her before I even had the conversation..  She asked me to read this "new diet craze" book called The Plan before I scheduled my surgery.  She's struggled with 20 lbs for the past 10 years, but has no idea how it feels to need to lose 100 lbs & try diet after diet...so I took the book from her and promised I'd read it, but I am SO NOT changing my mind about this surgery.  I know she loves me and I know she wants what is best for me...she just doesn't understand this part of my journey.  You know what, though?  I'm ok with that.  I thought I would be more embarrassed about having this surgery, but I'm really not!  I had another friend ask me why the doctors think I couldn't lose the weight on my own, and I finally said, "It doesn't matter."  And it doesn't!  For whatever reason, I could not lose this weight on my own.  So I am going to use this amazing, wonderful tool to finally get rid of this weight!  My one brother who got the skinny genes in our family told me he would have the surgery in a heartbeat if it were him. 

Anyway, I"m rambling (sorry lol!).  Stay positive and confident in your decision...you are absolutely doing the right thing!!!

Just as there are spoilers in anything that happens in life, so are there spoilers when it comes to weight loss surgery.  It's their problem, not yours.  THEY are the people who have something wrong with them that they need to say such things.  Keep the faith and don't let anyone spoil the hope that WLS brings.

Best of luck to you on your journey.

I will have to admit, I have really only had great feedback from people about my WLS.  I did, however notice a "tone" from a marathon runner type when my friend was saying how great I looked.  She was like "yeah, she looks great"...in a very dead pan voice...whatever, I still do look great! :)

I tried for many years to lose weight (and i did do it many times on my own) but never got to this size and never kept the weight off.

I am very open about my WLS because I want to be an example for people that have been on the fence about taking the plunge!

I used to have a very negative opinion of the WLS because I thought you could do it on your own and I thought it was the easy way out.  After seeing people have WLS and gain back weight, I was truly afraid of it happening to me.  I also have seen some very successful people get smaller around me (& stay that way) and was tired of always only keeping my weight off for a little while. 

Once I was diagnosed with Diabetes, the "easy way" became the "only way" and even though I am only 7 mos out, I have changed my entire lifestyle.

So when someone is negative, I take it with a grain of salt...they have no idea what I have been through and no idea what an improvement WLS has made in my life.

I sympathize. These are the same folks who chime in about pregnancy tragedies when you're pregnant or dental or medical scares when you're having a procedure! Some people thrive on creating drama!

I had a health consultant, think vitamin sales person, offer to help me after I met her at my sons school ( fellow parent). After she was unsuccessful at selling me on products pre op... She was kindly offering to do the fire engine house program etc at whole foods. She's a naturally almost two thin woman. I told her about my upcoming surgery and Every Chance shd got , if we ran into each other... She would grip my arm and make sone dramatic statement about how she would hate to see me jeopardize my life, because my kids needed me... In FRONT of my kids then 5 and 12!

I told her that it was not open for debate, I was jeopardizing my health with my weight and diabetes... That my surgeon has had no fatalities and done thousands,

And that I would never discuss the topic with her again!

She later texted me and asked me if I would want to talk to an acquaintance in Oregon who was an r n y horror story case.

I said, nit the same surgery, not the same surgeon, she has nothing that pertains to me!

The nerve! And I barely know this woman! She has not seen me since and down 60  pounds I'm looking pretty different...I canno**** to fun into her and use McMadames line... Smile sweetly and tell her it was the best decision EVER!

Good luck to you, and listen to your gut, and shut down the ignorant and the haters!

Christina

Wow! Some awesome responses!  Can't believe some people were so rude to you all above.  Mean.

I need some more MacMadame in my life - my counselor told me to start visualizing myself using the smaller plates, extra.

I'm going to visualize myself telling people with a big smile, " Yes, I had WLS and it was the best decision I've ever made!"