Renaming my obsession (aka: mind games that skinny people play)

Yesterday Elina responded to a post with a comment that really resonated with me, she said that she was going to "rename my obsession mindfulness and just learn to live with it."  I was already thinking a little about that, although I hadn't yet found the words for it, because of a weekend experience I had with a 'naturally thin' friend. 

Over the weekend, I ran my very first race -- a 10K -- along with some friends who run regularly.  I was so proud of myself for finishing and still feel like that was an important turning point in life for me -- I never imagined that I would be able to finish something like that!  But the most powerful part of the event was what happened later over dinner.  As we are talking about what to order, my friend says "I'm not feeling well, I think I need to skip dinner.  I must be getting sick, you know it's not like me to ever miss a meal!"  I was absolutely shocked that she believes this to be true about herself.  From where I sit, she eats like a bird!  There have been many times that I've noticed how small her portions were and how restrictive the diet she chooses is -- it took me having WLS for our plates look similar and even now, I sometimes compare my plate to hers to make sure I'm making the best choices.  Since I've known her, she's never eaten bread or potatoes, and never even glanced at sweets or deserts.  But in her mind, she thinks that she loves food and never misses a meal.  The truth is she probably DOES love food, but in a very different way from me -- for her it's about nourishing her body and taking care of herself by giving her body what it needs to perform at a high level instead of just dumping whatever tastes good in by the fork-full.

My epiphany over the weekend, and again with Elina's response yesterday, is that most of this process is a mind game.  My very picky, very thin friend THINKS she loves food and she's comfortable and happy with her choices.  For most of my life, any time I ate healthily I focused on feeling deprived and envious of whoever is having seconds or desert.  No wonder I could never succeed on my own -- my head was totally in the wrong place!  For the next part of my journey, I'm going to focus on changing the way I think to be more like her.  Instead of focusing on what I can't have or am not having, I'm going to focus on how thankful I am that my sleeve helps me to be happy with the perfect amount of fuel for my body and on how enjoyable it is to truly take care of myself.  I'm going to notice the true pleasure I get from eating little bites of good, high quality protein and veggies, drinking lots of water to keep my system clean and functioning well, and I'm going to do this mindfully, embracing the process, instead of resenting it or obsessing over it.  I'm almost half way to goal -- it's time to take full advantage of this process and change my way of thinking once and for all!

Thanks for this post! You are all so inspiring, the light bulbs are going off in all of us. You participating in a 10k is awesome, Thank you so much for sharing your story. Big High Five to you!!

Hugs, Azure

Thanks for your kind words and the high five! We are all in this together and learn so much from each other. Hugs to you, my friend!

Hey, what do you know, sometimes I come up with a new way to say an old truth, and it reaches someone new.  That is really cool.  I am thrilled that something I said brought a light bulb moment for you.  I post less now but it still matters to me that I can be of help.  Thank you for sharing this.

And a big thanks to you for being such a beacon of hope for all of us. Your insight is always helpful and I learn so much from posts!

Thank you so much for sharing.  It is exactly what I needed....a lightbulb moment!  Congratulations on running the 10K!  Rock that sleeve, girl!

Thanks!  Isn't it great when we can learn from each other?  I'm happy to share a lightbulb with you this week!

 

Thank you for this very powerful post.  Post-sleeve it really does boil down to feeding our bodies as well as possible, much in the way that a dedicated athletic person would.  That doesn't rule out pleasure in eating, as you note, but rather if your head is really in the game you can take equal pleasure in how well you are treating  yourself. 

That mind game aspect of which you speak is why I refuse to label my own meals as anything but 1, 2, 3, and 4.  The minute I start thinking "snacks," I'll run the risk of setting myself up for failure.  Obsession?  Maybe, but I have no intention of changing that. 

Congratulations indeed on finishing your first 10K!  I got the impression that you intend to continue.  Awesome!

I do indeed plan to continue - I couldn't believe how empowering it was to cross that finish line!  I can totally see how people get hooked on these races.  I loved the atmosphere and the competition and really want to improve my time - just the motivation I needed to get my butt to the gym.

thanks for your comments and tips - your approach is clearly working, congrats on your weight loss so far!

Thanks for your post.  You've given me a lot to think about!