What support really is and what being supporive isn't

Ruggie,   I put your original, referenced post in my favorites for me to read often.   I have yet to have my surgery, but want to do everything I can to "stack the deck in my favor."    I agree -- this has to be a lifestyle change.  

As a newbie, PLEASE don't stop posting, vets!  I have been lurking around since early January and have posted a few times, but I have learned so much from you all.  I may not be following everything you all do to the tee, but I knew to expect my 3 week stall and got through it without jumping out of a window.  I have picked up many pointers and insights that I know will be paramount to my success once my honeymoon phase is over.  I don't have anyone on the "outside" that has gone through this, except the support group I've gone to and I haven't gone enough to really know anyone yet.  So, yes, I ask you to call "bull****" if I need to hear it.

My brain just stopped dead at 'deep fried chocolate pound cake'. Jesus wept!

You know, you took the words right out of my mouth! I started a post the other day to say to the vets that you all should continue to say it like it is without the sugar coating and certainly don't abandon a forum like this just because one or two people (or more...) can't seem to get their heads out of their butts and think that the sleeve will do all the work for them and they'll sit back and lose weight while gnawing on a KFC chicken wing or something... And I was saying to the newbies and the in between bunch (like me) to really just think first, research, think some more, consult with their medical teams or programmes if they have one and then come to OH and learn from the experience of others - but that they should really just take it as that - the very individual and personal experience of others. Support to me means someone being forthright enough to tell me that my head is up my butt and my body is contorting itself in unnatural ways and that it would be much easier if I just untwisted myself and followed a plan that works. Or a plan. Or not. But whatever option - it is always easier when head is out of the proverbial (or real) butt. So thank you for posting this. It was timely and necessary.

PLEASE vets - do not sugar coat anything. Tell us your experiences and continue to share your truths. For people like me it has been a life support and I will always be deeply grateful.

Well said, Julia!

I think the people who are used to having food enablers in their real lives, are the ones who think that the Vets are too forceful and too strong.  I did have a Vet be really rude to me in a personal attack sort of way a few weeks back, really personal ---  like judging my character --- and it shocked me and woke me up, and made me remember to not put anyone on a pedestal.  As they say in 12 Step Programs, we are all just Bozos on the Bus, no one is a saint.  Lesson learned.  Plus, the Vets seems to be complaining a lot how the Newbies are driving All Y'all crazy anyway, so...I don't know if there will ever be true harmony on this Board.

For me, I have fallen into an emotional funk at the moment and I am just struggling...intellectually I know the 'right way' of eating and doing this new Sleeve thing, the way the Vets and good surgeons suggest...I am just having a hard time getting my head in the game.  So, maybe I need some tough love.  But, I have beaten myself up so much already with the hammer, making me more depressed, I don't need to get totally beat by a Vet or anyone (maybe a little but not a lot!)...I honestly think it is a fine line...the tough love balanced by just some "supportive cheerleading" to get back up on the horse you've just fallen off of, and you're depressed and lying in the mud...not a pat on the back for eating chocolate cake and cola, I would never-ever expect or WANT a Vet to condone that kind of stuff. However, I don't agree with the original poster when he writes this: "Honestly, if you feel you need to wade around in your mistake and temporary embrace self-pity for a while and share commiseration, use the right tool:  seek our your friends and/or a therapist.  That's why you have them.  Seek kindness from people, face-to-face, not from the internet."  I think you can do BOTH - get help from friends / therapist, AND come to this Board saying "I'm down in the dumps".  I hope...but now I am getting a bit paranoid

I think coming to this Board and being honest that you are struggling is akin to taking an action step, looking for help and engaging as a first step (you are only as sick as your secrets), so I vote for the balancing act from the Vets.  Say your Truth, but please put the hammer down...and as a poster said above, as a good rule of thumb, in 12 Step Programs it is wise to share from the "My OWN Experience" view point.

Mcmadame, this was not a suicide based on Reggie's post. It's been coming for a while. I asked for advice I got it from newbies. I post something very much like this post. People then assumed I was the one eating the deep fried cake. It was not a slant on anyone here. Just other people in other groups or personal friends. Just venting then people get on my case for either eating the trash or for being unrealistic. If I eat crap I want to be called on the carpet. I have no problem with that. I just needed a place to vent & this obviously was the wrong place. I ate something that my nut said was ok to eat & it put me over on my carbs. I posted about this. A vet then blasted me for not knowing better. I'm still learning. I didn't know better. I've since learned to post on MFP then eat. If I know better then blast me. If I'm learning support me. Give me ideas. Teach me. Don't humiliate me save that for the fried cake. The posts are all sounding the same. I 

If you recently posted about eating deep fried cake, then I apologize, but I was not specifically targeting you and did not see that posting.  I picked the example of the "fried chocolate cake" simply because I found it to be an absurd concept, in general, especially for a WLS patient, and humorously created by Paula Deen (of course).  That felt 'safe' to mock, as I wouldn't have imagined someone getting most of their stomach surgically removed and then have deep-fried chocolate later a couple months later.  

I try to not target any specific people when I post.

Reggie it wasn't your post at all. I agree with you whole heartedly. I really like your posts. It's some of the others that bother me. I'm not really that sensitive. If I am eating crap I want to be called out for it. Tell me like it is. I tried to do that & people thought it was me eating crap. Then they said I was unrealistic. Maybe I am. I hope not. I'm just tired of the oh me I can't lose wt. I've gained 20 lbs. I need help. But yet they say they are eating crap. I get the fried cake thing. I was also using that as an example. I did have a problem with a stall. I searched it. I didn't find anything that matched my question. It was about stalling when increasing exercise. The only responses I got we're from people less than 2 mo. out. That's what frustrated me. I was feeling like I gotten all I need from this  

Sorry phone keeps timing out on me. Anyway I was feeling like I had gotten all the help I could from this forum. I hope not. No hard feelings. I really like your humorous yet matter of fact no bones about it posts. Thank you.