Stress eating, detoxing, and a trip to Louisiana

Some of you may remember me mentioning my mom has chronic TIAs. (Mini strokes) Well, they've found that one of her carotid arteries is 100% blocked, and the other is about 70% blocked. She has to go to Shreveport to have the 70% one cleared out. They can't do anything for the one that's completely blocked. Because she's got white matter on her brain from the previous strokes, the anesthesiologist wants more tests done before she ok's the procedure. Basically, Momma is in between a rock and a hard place. She will die if she doesn't have it done, but there's also a high chance of her not making it through the procedure at all.

I have to say, having the "what to do with me and my body" talk with your parents absolutely sucks. If and when she does pass away, that puts me as family matriarch. I will be taking on full responsibility of taking care of my brother that has Lou Gherig's Disease, as well as trying to keep our family together. I don't want our family to drift apart. It's so hard to hear the fear in my mom's voice when she talks to me now. She keeps saying that she has so much left to do. We're trying to stay positive, but we know it's a very real possibility.

We're planning on going home for the procedure. My best friend has volunteered to watch the kids, so we can be there with no distractions. In all of this stress, I've been eating...alot. I've gained a pound, but right now, that's not even registering with me. I am trying to detox, but it's getting hard.

How do you stay focused on weight loss when a bomb is dropped on you? I'm having one hell of a time with it, that's for sure.

I am so sorry about your mom...hugs! Try to keep good choices around you and water near by. Can you take 30-45 min a day to walk. I don't listen to music when I walk because its my time to think. Most people find music to soothe them. Try it both ways. Don't push your feeling down because they will come out. Lean on your friends and husband to talk it out. Try to stay busy so you don't turn to food. I know this is all easy for me to write but the important thing is to make a plan. It will be one less thing to think about while you are dealing with so much.
Best wishes to you and your family!

I'm sorry for what you're going through.  I can't say that I don't know exactly what you're going through but I wanted to write and give my support.  Don't lose yourself in this process...your family needs the most whole you that it can get so it only makes sense to take care of yourself the best you can right now.  Take one moment at a time and then the next.   Take care. 

Geezuz gurl, you have a lot going on right now.  I know how that is & the emotional eating temptations that come along with it.  Lately, I have just been wanting to eat, eat, eat.  Try to see it this way ... that you are taking care of you.  It's easy for us to lose focus when tough times enter our lives but it's important for us to still make ourselves a priority when dealing with other obstacles.  Like Elina once said, we can take better care of others when we are taken care of first.  We can then give everything our all.  Take care gurl.  Hope everything gets better for you!!! Hugs!!!

I am so sorry you and your family are going through all of this. Please take care of yourself like everyone else has already said. You really will be able to take care of others better and deal with whatever life throws at you. This sucks, but you all will get through this. Lots of prayers and hugs are sent your way right now.

Hang in there and just do the best you can. Something to think about is that if you choose not to use food to get through this, you may very well feel all your feelings and be better for it. There is nothing wrong with being sad, scared, and anxious about the future in a situation like this. Feel these things. Acknowledge your feelings as valid and embrace and love your mom.

Plan your food and stick to your plans as best as possible, but if you don't or can't, it's not the end of the world. Life happens and we must all adjust.

Good luck and may all the strength you need be with you.

 

I am sooo sorry that you have to deal with this.  Here is my practical advice (which may not be doable in an emotional situation -- and I'm speaking from experience here).

1, Advance directives.  Don't just have the "what to do with my body" talk. There are many outcomes that could require very difficult decisions, and the "body" one is the culmination.  What type of quality of life outcomes are acceptable for her.  You may be required to make heart-wrenching decisions, and it's important to know her wishes and have them documented -- especially if you have siblings that may disagree about potential end-of-life decsisions.

2. Power of Atty and Healthcare Power of Atty -- you say you would be left as the matriarch, but do need some type of legal authority to manage decisions.  You say "parents", implying that your father is still alive, which would make him the official decision maker for everything.  If he is in failing health, you'll need to make sure he understands the options and the wishes of your mom, and if he isn' t in a position to make those decisions, you'll need clear documentation to show that you are the final decision maker.

3. How long can you be away?  If you need to make post-op rehab arrangements, etc., have you allowed enough time and does your friend understand the potential time?

4. Don't worry about your family drifting apart in the future.  Focus on making sure everyone is clear about your mom's wishes, her care and any care needed for your dad.  

5. Not much sucks more than the transition into parenting your parents.  Your siblings may not agree, your mother's siblings may not agree, etc.  That's why it's so important to know what your mom wants -- that makes it easier to say, I'm sorry you don't agree, but mom was very clear about what she wanted.

6. Someone has to buy groceries -- so just put in a request or buy your own.  Your mom would not want your health to suffer, and no one will be watching out for you except you (and sounds like hubby?).  So enlist his help in making sure you have the food you need and the support you need. 

7. Do the best you can -- and don't add more stress by worrying that you are not focused on weight loss.  Focus as best you can, eat as best you can, and try to make time for you to either take a walk alone (or with hubby), do an errand -- anything that gets you out of the fray for awhile.  

8.  It is very easy to find comfort in food right now.  And it is very easy to let stress and grief take over your life and eating.  If you have a counselor or pastor or therapist of any sort, find out if you can make any call in appointments.  That will give you an objective third party to talk to, whose only concern is for your well-being.

I found that sometimes focusing on the "business" components of this type of situation got me through the immediate issues, but then I'd get blindsided by emotion later.  So, even if you get through the next couple of weeks, be prepared that you may be on a emotional rollercoaster.

Sending prayers your way!

Thank you! She did tell me everything she wants, in death, if she were in a coma, etc. I told her that we need to sit down and get the POAs handled. Dealing with the military for this long, and through the multiple deployments, I know how important it is to have one. My stepdad is in failing health, and his mental status isn't exactly the greatest. We want him in the loop, but we are getting the documentation handled to where I will be the decision maker. He understands that, so far. I didn't think about getting one for my brother and handling his issues, as well, so that's another note that I'm writing down. My friend does realize that we could be there for a while. She has opened up her house for however long we need. She's my girls' Godmother, so it's not like she's a stranger. We also have several other friends and family members that are willing to keep the girls if it becomes too much. My mom shouldn't be in the hospital too long, if things go well. We are, however, trying to prepare ourselves for worst case scenarios.

 

I appreciate the advice, everyone. I feel like I've been in a downward spiral as of late. Midget girl goes in for her final "testing" for her Asperger's diagnosis tomorrow, I'm dealing with everything going on in my digestive system, then we're looking at hubby being medically retired from the Army. So much has been thrown on us. I'm trying to find ways of coping without eating my feelings. It's a lot easier said than done on most days. Hell, I haven't even been able to get an appointment with a doctor for my own anxiety, due to so many things going on at once. I'm trying. Life will go on. In the mean time, I've got to get a grip.

^^^^^ MuttLover nailed it.

Sending prayers your way sweetie. Take it one day at a time. That will be plenty.

I'm too new to this process to offer any sound suggestions and I think the above posters covered it well.

Just wanted to send you a (hug), strength for you and your family and healthy vibes for Mom.