Doubt

My husband isn't supportive of my decision to have the surgery.  He keeps telling me that losing weight is simple and it's a matter of eating less and exercising more and there is no reason I should need surgery to lose weight.  I know i can lose weight, the issue has always been keeping it off.  I now have diabetes and after having my first child am having a harder time than ever getting the weight to come off.  How do I convince him(and maybe myself) that this is necessary.

he may be just scared share the research with him and this may help him realize the reasons you want to this

It's so important to have support.  Even if he doesn't agree with it, if he'll just stand beside you and support your decision, he will surely come around.  Once everything turns out great and he can see the transformation, not just physical, but emotional as well, he will probably be saying, like most men..lol  "Well I guess you were right hunnie."

If you have tried many other diets and battled weight for a period of time, that should be all the convincing you need.  It was all I needed and many others here as well. 

I wish you the best and hope he will support you even if he doesn't agree.

I shared quite a few articles that I read on the subject and asked him to do his own research because I was certain he wasn't on board with the surgery b/c of lack of knowledge but that totally back fired and now he said he has more doubts than ever after doing his own research.  He also doesn't consider my past attempts at weight loss as 100% effort and think this is a drastic first step.  I've tried dieting and have been successful, but I only have will power for a short period of time and when i give up the weight comes back and then some.  I'm hoping this surgery can help me have a will power to make the right decisions for life.

I am not sure how you convince him.  I do not know how overweight you are but for me it was 125 lbs.  I have gotten it off before and then went back to school and put it all back on.  I was put on medication and still could not get the weight off.  My health was declining and I had more co-morbidities than you have listed.  My weight was affecting my breathing, my heart, etc.  I needed to get the weight off!  Anyone that goes to the extreme of having weight loss surgery must realize that it is a "tool" and that just because you get the weight off, that does not mean that you will keep it off UNLESS you change your relationship with food and your lifestyle.  If you think that you will do this surgery and that magically all of your weight problems will go away, that is not true.

I am not trying to discourage you from the surgery because it has been the best decision that I ever made for myself.  But I do realize that I have to change my lifestyle through this process or I will not have long term success.  If you are trying to convince yourself then you need to start changing your lifestyle now, you need to start eating high protein meals.  Cut out the "bad carbs" and starchy sugary foods now. Start exercising 3-4 times a week and yes just walking is exercise.  Start drinking 1/2 your body weight in water or non caffeinated drinks.  If you are drinking soda, get off of it completely.  If the weight comes off easily then you may not need to have surgery but if you are doing all of these things and the weight is not coming off then you may need to extra help of the surgery to get it off.  Doing the things that I have mentioned are some of the things you need to do to be doing to be successful in your weight loss journey and if you are not willing to do those things then you are not ready for surgery.

Unless you are a very strong person, having support is important to help keep you motivated and to make the necessary changes in your life.  For me, my family is changing how they eat, exercise, etc so it has become a lifestyle change for all of us.  They still eat some junk food sometimes but not nearly what they ate before and I have the will power to stay away from it.

Good Luck in your decision.

My husband was not on board for my surgery either (more because I am going to Mexico). I have diabetes also and my doctor was just going to introduce me to insulin I  am already on several other meds for the diabetes) . That alone scared the hell out of me !!!. My biggest score for me was when my husband and I both went to my Endocronologist and told him of my plans for surgery , he was more than excited for me. He was totally for it and told me to go off all  of my diabetes meds (check my sugars) and slowly re introduce( IF NECESSARY) He said that very often patients will not be diabetic anymore, or need alot less meds. I was so excited, and my husband is now on board with it , ( My surgeon is even all for the medical tourism in Mexico . Which surprised my hubby all to hell). The diabetes is reason alone to get surgery . For me I have high blood pressure as well and get to go off of those meds as well. Much harder to loose weigh on meds. Good luck and hopefully we will hear good news from you . Cheers Tracy

My husband was also very wary but supportive.  He knew that this was my decision and mine alone as it is my body we're talking about, but he was afraid he would lose me...any medical procedure is going to cause fear in your partner.  I don't think you'll be able to change his mind, but you can certainly ask for his support.  My husband has never had a weight problem and thought the same way yours does because he never had to do what I've tried to do.  He didn't really understand.  At 2.5 years out and down 140 pounds, I have to say that he is thrilled I did this.  He has never seen me happier and more mobile and healthy.

I hope he comes around, but if he doesn't, remember to do what is right for you and to heck with anybody elses opinion!

Deb

I don't think you can convince anyone else and you need to be certain to make the right decision for you. I will tell you however, to consider this. The surgery is not a cure for keeping the weight off. I did not realize this when researching surgery or even immediately after having surgery, but now that I am 7 months postop and almost at goal weight, I can tell you that keeping the weight off has more to do with making lifestyle changes that you decide to make permanent. The weight loss is easy in the beginning. I am glad I did it. My comorbid conditions are gone or in remission. I am a much healthier person and I expect to live longer. I am very active now, something I could never say before. There are lots of reasons to have surgery, but keeping the weight off is not one that I would cite. The surgery gives you a head start on weight loss, makes it easy because your hunger and stomach capacity are greatly diminished. There will come a time after surgery where you may feel physical hunger, appetite, head hunger, emotional challenges, and increased stomach capacity. You must use your sleeve to work hard and consistently to win the race and keep the weight off long term. You must be committed to making the changes in eating and exercise permanent ones. You will find many instances of people who have made less than good choices or even very poor choices, instances where people eat around their sleeves and regain weight, instances where people backslide and can't find their way back. This saddens all of us who would be there but by the grace of God. You will also find many instances of people who are quite successful after surgery. You need to emulate those people and listen to the wisdom they can provide. Best wishes whatever your decision. Stay connected here.

If he's not convinced by the fact that 90-100% of diets fail, while WLS is much more successful (more like 50-100% successful) then nothing will convince him. Whatever is going on with him is not logical at this point so logic isn't going to address it.

That means that you need to tell him that you are doing this for yourself and that, as your husband, it's his job to support you. That means he either has to actually support you with, you know, actual support. Or he has to shut up. As in at not giving you sabotage. But he can't nag at you, undermine you, try to talk you out of it, tell you that you didn't really try to diet before, etc. etc. etc. Because THAT is just BS.

In fact it's actually emotionally abusive. I'm sure he doesn't see it that way because he's so far deep into whatever demons are driving his behavior. But think about it:

If you had a disease where eating honey every day had a 1% chance of curing you but having surgery had even a 25% chance of curing you and your husband told you that you are (basically) weak for not eating the honey, that he knows you've eaten the honey in the past but you just hadn't eaten it correctly and with 100% commitment, would you be asking people how to convince him that you really need surgery and not to keep eating the honey? 

Of course not! You'd be telling him to get some therapy and to stop talking to you like that because at best it's rude and at worst it's delusional.

I think the problem is that we've all eaten the honey and (a) it tastes so good and (b) surgery is scary. Dieting works at first and that's it's hook. The weight comes off. (That's what I mean by it tastes good.) So when the weight comes back on, it's easy to believe that somehow it's all our fault. (The honey works -- it must be us!)

But it comes back on for EVERYONE. It's not logical to believe that 90-100% of all human beings are too lazy or stupid or whatever and that's why dieting doesn't work. Dieting doesn't work because scientifically our bodies fight dieting. They produce too much ghrelin, they develop leptin resistance, they develop metabolic syndrome, our brain chemistry changes how we react to food. Surgery repairs all that.

Dieting doesn't. Dieting produces a temporary energy imbalance which gives us a temporary result. It's like "repairing" a leaky roof by putting a bucket under the leak. It might "fix" the problem at first but it's not a long-term solution.

Really great way of articulating obesity, I am going to have to bookmark this quote so when anyone asks me why not just diet I can use your answer, if that's ok that is? . Thanks

Lisa