Doubt
Is your husband my husband's twin? Mine is EXACTLY the same. However, I did get him to agree to the surgery. However, he is not supportive. You are going to have to be very strong and fight for yourself, your life and your health. Point him to the research about surgery resolving diabetes, for one. It has been proven that this surgery extends lifespan. Show him those reports. Show him the reports about the lack of success that those of us who are significantly overweight have keeping weight off, even after losing a considerable amount, without this surgery. If your husband cannot be convinced, you need to get a support network. Do you have friends or family nearby who will support you? This forum is a WONDERFUL source of online support. Take advantage of it! And please post again and let us know what is happening for you. We care.
on 5/10/13 3:07 am
You are worth it. Make your life count!
Thank you for all the responses. Everyone here is so helpful and I know I can do this without his support b/c I have this forum to turn to. I know having surgery will give me the edge but ultimately its up to me to make the right food choices and exercise and his response is always "if you commit to doing that now you won't even need the surgery." He doesn't think I've tried hard enough in the past and that makes me question myself. In his mind he considers this a "drastic first step" in my weight loss attempts.
" if you commit to doing that now you won't even need the surgery". What he doesn't understand is if you COULD commit long term,you WOULD. But the reality is ,the odds are against you. this is a statistical fact. Proven. doesn't really matter what he thinks. he is statistically wrong.
What if you did everything right and developed breast cancer? would he tell you "just commit to doing that now and you won't need breast cancer treatment"? I think not. Morbid obesity (morbid meaning death,meaning your obesity WILL kill you) is a medical issue,not a willpower or just push back from the table issue.
WLS levels the playing field for us. it allows us to get a grip on our bodies/minds and see some SERIOUS results from our efforts. Seeing little to no results from our genuine efforts is what causes most of us to just quit. Ppl can't keep up the same hard effort FOREVER without some tangible results. WLS allows/helps up to get those results then the pleasure and feeling of accomplishment for each pound lost keeps us motivated. We learn better eating behaviors as we go along for long term loss.
When all is said and done,he may never come around until he sees tangible results of your hard work post WLS. I,personally,would NEVER let anyone else tell me what I should and should not do with ny body. Either my husband would love and trust me enough to accept my decision(which he did,wholeheartdly not once but twice) or he wouldn't. I would never let his opinion make MY decision for me.
Having WLS was the single most important and best thing I have EVER done for ME in my 58 years of life. If I could have done it sooner I would have jumped on it like a duck on a June bug and I hope you will too.
GL and keep us posted.
Tell him that getting rid of diabetes is simple, you just have to produce insulin correctly and have your cells respond to it in a physiologically responsible manner and have your blood glucose regulate itself properly. Unfortunately no matter how hard you sit and think about it and order your cells to do their duty, nothing will happen. He's welcome to yell at your pancreas and duodenum. If he can make it happen, more power to him. There'll be a paper in Nature out of it.
But it's not gonna happen.
However, if you have weight loss surgery (particularly the RNY bypass) the change in how food is processed and sugars are absorbed in the small intestine will correct the problem and get rid of your diabetes. How is that not a win?
The problem isn't your lack of will power or your personal weakness. The problem is that your adipocytes don't respond to insulin correctly. Your digestive system doesn't absorb carbohydrates properly. Your stomach produces excess ghrelin. Your brain responds to certain foods in an inappropriate manner. Your metabolism is overly efficient so you use slow-twitch rather than fast-twitch muscles. None of this is your fault. None of this can be corrected by you, even if you do eat less and exercise more. Some of it can never be corrected. Some of it can be corrected by surgery.
If your gall bladder wasn't working properly, you'd have it taken out and no one would question it. If your uterus had fibroids in it, you'd have a hysterectomy and no one would question it. If your digestive system isn't working properly and that's causing obesity, diabetes, etc, WHY THE HELL WOULDN'T YOU HAVE SURGERY TO CORRECT IT????
Sheesh. Rant over. It's just a good thing your husband isn't within smacking distance of me.
some great advice here...I can't really add much...I am just 5 days out from surgery...one thing I can tell you, though, is that diabetes is a very destructive disease...I have been diagnosed for about 10 years now...first I was on oral meds...then a couple of years ago, I had to start daily insulin...my primary care dr told me that with my history--how long I had been on diabetes meds--that it would be very difficult to lose weight...I have already developed some serious complications from the diabetes, such as a bone infection in one of my toes which almost resulted in an amputation of that toe...I waited to have WLS as a last resort, but I probably should have realized sooner that it was time to take that step..I am just looking forward though...as others have said, it's going to take work and commitment to change my behaviors and keep off the weight...I feel like I had to make that choice, and I am not going to second guess myself now...all the best for you--I know how difficult this decision is and can only imagine how much more difficult it would be with a significant other who was not supportive of your decision
