Absolutes and how they connect to failure or success

Just my thoughts here. 

I am a perfectionist type A personalty to the nth degree.  Prior to the WLS journey I would diet, be fastidious, break the diet in some small way, then fall apart and gain back more than what I had lost eventually.  I needed that cycle to change and knew that I would have to deal with this part of my make up.  Much of my emotional eating is directly tied to feeling like I did not do something to the level I expected.  So, I made it a goal to not have absolutes in this journey.  You will never see me post rules that I follow perfectly, but rather I think of them as targets that I strive to consistently aim for.  I have found that with consistency being my goal I very, very easily made it to goal and have a easy path in maintenance thus far.  

So here are examples of what I didn't do in the weight loss phase:

1.  Eat under 800 calories- or else.  Mind you I did for a while, but I reached a point where it was no longer a good fit.  

2.  Never have dessert.  That worked for a while too, but then I needed to adjust.

3.  You get the idea- fill in the blank.

Here are examples of what I do strive for:

1.  A daily calorie target broken down by protein, sodium, carb, and calcium intake.  Then, a weekly target.  This way if I wanted to go a little high one day I could balance it out over the week.  This created consistency that I had never had before.  

2.  Exercise.  30 minutes a day x 6 days a week in weight loss- nothing terrible.  Do what I felt like doing for the day.  For me, the hardest part was just starting.  Almost without fail as long as I start I would put in a minimum of an hour.  But if I missed two days in a week, I would simply try to adjust the following week or accept what I accomplished and appreciate the effort I did put in.  

3.  No junk food in the house.  I still cannot manage it.  But this is not an absolute.  If my daughter has a large group over and request soda, chips, ice cream- whatever that is just fine.  Sure, I struggle for the next several days until it is gone but I am confident that I will make the needed adjustments and crawl back on the wagon.  

I think if you give yourself too many hard and fast rules that do not allow for life to intervene here and there, you are making the journey much harder.  Be gentle with yourself.  Also, don't use this idea as a way to BS yourself into making consistently poor choices. That is not what the post is about.  

Some will need absolutes and will find success with that path.  I respect that immensely.  But it is just not a good fit for what my issues were, are, and will likely continue to be.  Figure out what your own issues are and go after it!

Enjoy the journey- 

Wow. This post REALLY resonates with me because I am also a perfectionist and have failed to lose and maintain a healthy weight sooooo many times because I stray once. After a slip up, I would just say Eff it and just eat every piece of junki could get my hands on.

i am struggling to change now. I have had days where I have made emotional food choices and I have brushed myself off the next day and forgiven myself. That's what this sleeve helps me do, is forgive myself and make better choices. 

Thank you for posting this, because I suspect that any people have become obese because of their struggle for self perfection. 

Great post!  I think the more we can step away from the "all or nothing" attitude the better we will do long term.  This sounds pretty close to what I do, and it's working better than anything has for me in the past.  

I love this forum but there was a time in the first few months post-op I had to walk away. I was beating myself up every time I read the guidelines of protein/cals/carbs/water. I was losing weight at a good pace but still upset at the end of everyday because I wasn't reaching perfection.

Now, don't get me wrong...I believe in those guidelines. When I vary (especially from the water) the weight loss stalls. I also believe I need to have some serious daily structure or I can rationalize anything I want. Chips, popcorn, croissants...

But I am not going to be perfect on this journey. I'm not the kind of person who has beautifully organized, delicious, wls-friendly meals pre-prepared in lovely packaging a week in advance. I wish I was!!! It must be lovely, and I'll keep trying to do that, too.

Absolutes are dangerous for many of us and you've described beautifully the struggle some of us have. Now, I'm struggling to be okay with being human, and being okay with popping the odd jelly bean into my mouth. I don't miss a day of tracking, I have yet to go over 900 cals or 85 grams of carbs, or below 65 grams of protein. I'm doing just fine, for me.

Thanks for sharing this!

PS: Read Brene's Brown's 'Gifts Of Imperfection', it's helping me a lot!!

I will check it out- thanks for the referral!

Check out her TedTalks videos. Very inspiring!

I will check it out- thanks for the referral!