Please Don't Do It!

A couple of weeks ago a friend of my passed away at 48! She had RNY two years ago and lost a lot of weight. Well her health started to deminish and all sorts of things started happen. I just saw her mom as she asked if I was still having surgery and I said yes. She said, please don't have the surgery! What do you say to someone who's daughter just passed away and she thinks it's from the surgery? I felt bad but I have to do what I have to do to be health!

That is a difficult situation.  I would thank her for her concern and reassure her that you have carefully thought out your decision and selected a surgery that statistically speaking will dramatically improve your health. I do not think it would be helpful to compare surgeries and that there are less complications from the sleeve, unless of course the mother initiates and wants to discuss that.  I am sorry to read about the loss of the daughter. 

That's a hard thing you have to go through.but don't let that stop u I had a cousin   die he just got his surgery 7 weeks before but he fell and hurt his spleen and he died from that not the surgery. It scared me I don't want to die I have kids but I need to be healthy for them so I talked to my DR and we had a hart to hart he told me he never had any one pass.so do what's in your gut and you will be fine. 

I believe I would just say how sorry I am for the loss of her daughter and leave it at that. I wouldn't even get into the whole "I'm sure  you're concerned, but I'm gonna do this anyway." That is not helpful in this sort of situation. Just keep your words focused on mom and don't be afraid to reminisce about the good times with her daughter.

Agree- I should have clarified in my post that you should talk about statistically helping your health if she persists and wanted to go down that path. 

Sad to hear about your friend.  The confidence you have is that VSG is less aggressive than RNY which is one of the reasons why I chose it.  I liked that it restricts my eating, which assists in helping me to mentally adjust the way I eat.   I was always successful at changing the way I eat, but it was temporary.  The minute something would happen where I sought the comfort of food, I was right back where I started.  Now, if I wanted to, my sleeve will not allow me to eat tons of the bad foods like pasta, pizza, and snacks.

Since surgery, I have had bad episodes that would have normally caused me to eat all the wrong foods, but not once did I resort to all the bad foods, so the sleeve is working for me, if for nothing more than as a reminder that things are different now, which by the way has helped me tremendously because my mind, in how I think, is lining up now with the physical restriction... so I find my saying, "I can't eat that", or "No, my body will not allow me to allow that", and I naturally find myself not eating it.  

In an effort to remain sensitive to the demise of your friend, with RNY you don't get that.  Food and nutrients are still processed naturally and anatomically the way it was designed to do.  RNY changes your entire anatomy and how you process important nutrients that the body needs.  Though many have had much success with RNY with no complications, there are many factors which may have occurred to cause her to deteriorate.... Was she taking the required amount of vitamins, important vitamins that are needed to sustain organ and system function, was she getting enough fluids, was she continuing to follow up with her physician for blood work and to address any complications?

I say all this to say, that if you feel you have to give her mom an answer, just simply tell her that you are having a different type of surgery that is less aggressive and doesn't anatomically change the way you process the absorption of food and nutrients.... you'll just simply be eating less.  

There's really nothing you can say. Just hug her and tell her you loved her daughter and how lucky you were to have her as a friend.

A very close friend of mine passed away from cancer less than two year after her surgery. I believe her father always blamed the surgery. He was devastated just  like any parent is when losing a child and there was no point in trying to convince him otherwise. The surgery didn't cause the cancer, it was in her body before the surgery but never diagnosed. What happened, happened.  

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. All the best to you.

I think empathy should go along ways but you still have to do what is right for you!

I am very sorry for the loss of your friend.  In her grief, her mother may be attributing her death to the WLS, but that is fairly unlikely given she was 2 years post op. The other posts above offer good suggestions for sidestepping her concerns.

We lost a family friend at 57 following RNY six years ago. She developed an infection, but being ultra-polite, did not want to phone her doctor and disturb him on the weekend. She didn't think her problems warranted paying a co-pay for a trip to the emergency room. She may have saved $100, but she mad two very bad decisions and died in days.  So sad. As a result, I decided not to have the surgery because I was concerned my brother (a worry wart if ever there was one) would be terrified if I had the surgery. Oddly enough, I wasn't afraid of the surgery after that, I was just worried about him being worried. How dumb was that? It  was the worst mistake of my life!!!  

I finally decided to do what was right and best for ME and let him take responsibility for managing his own fears. The risks of WLS are comparable to those of any other major surgery, but the rewards for those who follow through and succeed are priceless. For me the risks of not having the surgery greatly outweighed the risks of having WLS.  I sailed through surgery and recovery and have been thrilled by my weight loss. This is my chance to live longer and more importantly, really live each day that I have.

Best wishes on your journey.

Girl I had people telling me about folk dying from surgery too. I let get to me for a minute or two but then looked at myself in the mirror real good. Then I looked at all my medicine that I had to take. I trying to add some years to my life. Help my heart and lungs out by reducing the weight. I know who my FATHER is too. He can take me anytime he wants you know. At least I know where I'm going.