OT: Funniest review EVER- Sugar Free Gummi Bears

OMG, tears are rolling down my face.  I went to look up sugar free gummi bears, and as usual took a minute to read some customer reviews  I just had to share this one- funniest **** ever!

Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.

But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.

AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.

I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.

Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.

Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump.

If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don't post a video review during the aftershocks.

I read this before as well, and it is hilarious! If you go to the page where you can actually order these, there's a bunch of funny questions from people to the manufacturer, like "Can I get a dozen bags for my boss?" and there's actual, serious replies from the manufacturer! It is a great laugh! Thank for sharing.

Hilarious!

Once upon a time and long, long ago, my husband and I had bought a box of sugar free "turtles" from the Russell Stover factory store near where my in-laws lived at the time.  We bought them thinking, oh they will last 4 adults 2 weeks (there were 36 in the box).

My father in law got into the box and ate over half of them over the course of a day.

Later that same day, he and my husband were out fishing, and my father-in-law kept farting and didn't understand what had given him so much gas.  My husband, on the other hand, knew full well what it was and tried really hard not to laugh at him. :)

Hahahahaha

Oh man, nothing but tears are coming down my face from laughing so hard at this post!  Thanks for sharing!!!  I might have to order these for my really constipated days.  Haha

I know... I just had a tummy tuck so the laughing hurt, but so worth it!!

OMG - best laugh of the WEEK!!  Thank you so much 

OMG~! I am exactly 3 days post-op from my VSG.  Oh, my aching belly, just made worse by laughing like a drunk hyena.

I read an equally funny review about Fat Free Pringles about a year ago. I was rolling.

Here is the link:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/182862349.html