Definition of an Alcoholic- looking for opinions from those who have been there

Hello,

If you have experience with alcoholism would you mind sharing your definition and indicators of what constitutes an alcoholic?  My college senior son have wildly different ideas about this and I am concerned he is beginning down a path of alcoholism.  He disagrees.  Both grandfathers were, but one has passed away.  The other I am not sure he is willing to have that conversation with, so I am just looking to offer up some perspectives other than mine- a person who rarely drinks.  Thanks- 

Happy - I used to be an alcohol diversion officer for the county attorney and have taught an addictions class for the last 8 years.  I'm not a licensed drug-and-alcohol counselor although I do have a degree to do mental health therapy.  I come from a loooooong line of addicts and married for the first time into a very addicted family.....so take this for what it's worth: 

There really is a continuum of dependency when it comes to any addiction.  Stage 1:  it's all fun and games and we can walk away from it at any time.  Stage 2:  we begin to sense that OUR love of the drinking is a little different than YOUR love of the drinking; we like a lot more.  It's at this stage that people will start lying about how much they use, how often, may start to feel guilty and even go undercover with some of their behavior.  Stage 3:  it's starting to negatively impact, work, home, friends, finances, etc.  Blackouts are not uncommon (although that can happen in Stage 2 also).  Stage 4:  we start violating our own beliefs and values ie. stealing from family/work, cheating on partners, etc.  

For me it's not so much about how much somebody drinks or how often.  It's how they react when they CAN'T drink.  If having to abstain or cut back makes them belligerent, angry, violent, resentful, etc....then they have traveled down the continuum further than I'd be comfortable with (speaking as a parent).  

Just FYI...I have a daughter who started down this path as a teenager and is a full-blown, high-functioning alcoholic.  Love her but very glad she lives 2000 miles away.  

This is a fantastic response and far more intelligent than my conversation with him tonight.  Thank you- I would place my boy either a late stage 1 or early stage 2. 

It's scary because genetics plays a BIG part in how susceptible he is to developing a full-blown addiction...of any kind.  It runs very strong in families, especially through the male line.  He's got a big target on his back and the more he uses the further he pushes himself down the continuum.  

What can you do?  Probably not a damn thing, unfortunately.  For yourself, you can go to Al-Anon and learn how to take care of yourself and not enable him.  And you can keep your fingers crossed that once he gets out of college he'll grow out of that behavior...it can happen.  But there's always those people that leave college and just can't stop the partying.  And most of the time they are people with a heavy family history of addiction.  In those people the college years tripped the genetic trigger and it can't be turned off.  

I'll hope for the best for you and your son!  

Again, thank you for the reply.  I really need to back off the boy.  I do hope that he drops the behavior, but the line of addiction in my family is strong.  My father was an alcholoic and addictied to valium, his other grandfather was an alcoholic and much more severe of a case than my father.  My uncle died from an overdose.  Yadda yadda yadda.  I just realized through your comment that there are no women with a history of alcohol or drug abuse- but a mighty big problem with obesity and food addiction.  

Sometimes genticis can really suck, but I am a firm believer that it only predisposes you to certain things and some of those may be avoided through choice.  it just is a harder choice perhaps than for a person who does not have the same lineage. 

I agree with you 100%.  I am a 22+ year recovering alcoholic.  Was in stage 3 but never made it to stage 4 (thank God).  Like your daughter, I was a high-functioning alcoholic.  Never missed a day of work and my son who was 6 at the time never missed a day of school.  The part I like best about being sober is being in control of me again.

Good for you!  Congrats on all those years of recovery...one day at a time :-) 

Absolutely agree with Tracy's response. If you want an answer based on quantity, this is the definition of at-risk alcohol use per the medical community:

for men: more than 4 drinks in one day or more than 14 drinks in one week.

for women: more than 3 drinks in one day or more than 7 drinks in one week.

Yikes.  He certianly does more than 4 in one day when he is out with his friends, but more worrisome for me is I am fairly sure he does 14 or so a week.  When he is calmed down about all of this I will share that kernel of a definition with him- I think he will be surprised as i was. 

I would recommend Al-Anon.  Great support for family and friends of alcoholics.