Worst day in my life 20 months Post-VSG

What to do with a sack of ****

Step 1: Throw it in the trash

Step 2: Walk away

Step 3: Wash your hands because you don't want any of that **** getting on you

The more life I live, the more **** I throw away. Hugs to you. I hope you keep seeing the awesomeness in yourself that he failed to see because he was too busy being a complete asshole. 

I have no words of advice other than to take care of yourself as best you can.

Your husband is an ass. He didn't cheat because you were fat. He cheated because he's a cheater and most likely has some big time issues with his own self worth, or maybe he's just a sicko sex addict that needs some major, major help.

Whatever the reason he did what he did, it was NOT YOUR FAULT. YOUR WEIGHT DID NOT CAUSE HIM TO BUY *****S.

Now kick his ass to the curb until you can think straight. Give yourself time to work this out while you're not still reeling from the news.

All I can say is I'm sorry. The hardest thing in the world is when the people we love turn out not to be the people we thought they were. The best advice I have to contact an attorney as soon as possible. If you need someone to talk to you can message me. :)

Ok so I don't even know what to say .. I'm sooooo sorry you have had to go through this!!!  Now no one can tell you what to do ... you have yo do what's right for you in your head and in your heart!!!  

Now your post says your post op 20 months almost 2 years ... he claims he cheated cause u were fat!!! (Grrrrrr ) and while having vsg also... does that mean he has continued to cheat or have things changed and he isn't anymore.... you say you love him still has he told you how else feels .... and wants .... I don't know if I could but some people still make it work after this type of thing... maybe couples counseling ... could he possibly have a sex addiction! !! These are all question that are going to be soooooo hard to answer...  please also go to therapy for just you!!!! God I'm sooooo sorry again!!!! I hope things work out however you truly want them to!!!! :-)

♡ Kelly

Oh Sonia, I'm so sorry.  Remember that all people deserve respect and love.  Your husbands behavior is not respectful of you or your marriage.  Please get tested for STDs- you are taking care if yourself with the VSG, now take care of your sexual health as well.

Only you can decide if counseling is worth the effort.  You have been badly betrayed so your hurt, anger and confusion are to be expected.  You loved him yesterday so of course it's hard to stop loving him today.  You have to decide if you can still love the man who cheated on you for years.

But you do not have to decide today.  Be good to yourself, take your time, examine your options.  Talk to a lawyer and get tested.  Fat or trim you are a special woman who deserves good things in life.  20 months on plan tells me you are strong and focused.

You will survive this, you will stay healthy and happiness will come your way again.  Right now is terrible, but things will get better. I wish you all the best, because you deserve it.

Dee

I'm sorry this has happened. I would get a STD panel done first thing, then take alot of time to yourself. Therapy for sure, individual at first then maybe couples.Do Not beat yourself up, this was his doing, he has a serious problem and just covers it well.  In my experience, once someone cheats, at this level, they don't change. His saying it was bc you were fat, alleviates his guilt for him, but it's all his problem.

This is ahorrible thing, take the time you need to make decisions, you are not at fault. 

It's really all about you now. I guess I should have asked ithough anting to stay with you or did he tell you he wants to leave??   It's up to you now if he wants to stay do you think you can forgive him??  Do you want to forgive him??  Counselling, counselling, counselling!!!!  My partner of 13 years admitted to me after being caught (I intercepted a text message meant for him by accident) that he had had an affair. This was 7 years ago I was 5 months pregnant at the time. I was initially angry, hurt and unforgiving. We separated for a year and I sought counselling to help me decide what I truly wanted. He apologized repeatedly and swore it was a huge mistake and that it would never, ever happen again, it was the only time in 13 years I ever saw him cry and in the end I decided I was willing to forgive him and move forward. We are still together and I feel we are stronger now. We fight less and communicate much better. I'm not suggesting that you stay but just that it's okay if that is what you want and if it's not that is okay too.

Now if you feel that's is truly over then I still suggest counselling to help you deal with your grief and loss. I also suggest.that regardless of your choice to stay with him or not, you should get STI testing and insist he get tested as well, many STI's can go undetected.

I'm  so sorry for the pain you must be going through :-( Even though I've been through it I don't presume to understand the extent of your grief. Big Hugs!!!!! 

I'm convinced that we all have our demons to battle.  For some of us, overeating is our demon.  Some have sexual demons, some drugs, and the list goes on.  I know you are hurting.  My advice is to love him and help him get the help he needs and also get help for yourself.  If you have a pastor that you can talk to, that would be a great first step.  The easy thing to do is walk away from your marriage.  I know that if you've been through the weight loss journey, you can tackle difficult situations.  Rebuilding your marriage is going to be the toughest thing you have ever faced.  The story of Joseph in the Bible should give you some inspiration.  His brothers sold him into slavery.  They eventually came to him begging for food and he told them that what they had intended for evil God turned into something good.  That can be your story, too.  I will be praying for you and your husband.    

I've seen many friends in rough marriages, and I don't think "walking away" is easy at all-- emotionally, financially, logistically. If a divorce is what will work out best for you, then by all means it should be an option; after all, would we tell someone in a relationship where the other partner is alcoholic, physically abusive, or a criminal, that they MUST stick around and rebuild?

Prayer is kind and pastors can be a good resource, but there are many secular options as well. A marriage counselor will have a lot of professional experience dealing with situations like these and can help you deal with the situation and make your way to whatever resolution YOU think is best. There are plenty of great books available written by doctors, psychiatrists, and ordinary people who've "been there, done that" that may be of use as well.

OP, this really sucks, and I'm sending good thoughts your way. There are a lot of smart people around here and I'm sure others could help you find local resources if needed :)