Worst day in my life 20 months Post-VSG

This is absolutely terrible advice. The OP is reeling and you suggest walking away from her marriage is the easy way? You may be well meaning, but your advice comes across as you heaping guilt on her. Yes, she is likely a strong woman, but she does not need to prove it to anyone by staying in a marriage if that is ultimately not the right choice for her.

OP: I recommend finding a therapist with whom you can talk. You have my sincerest wishes for your health and happiness, whatever choice you make. You did absolutely nothing to cause your husband to cheat. That was a choice he made. You are not to blame.

She said she still loves the man.  So, I suggested steps she could take to help repair the marriage.  That is a MUCH harder road to travel than the divorce route.  Where I come from, when something is broken, we try to fix it instead of immediately throwing it in the garbage can.  Sadly, our society has lost that value and now everything is disposable....even our marriages.  If she had said that she hated his guts, I would not have posted as those who are suggesting divorce have beat their drum loud enough.

Divorce might be the ultimate solution in Sonia's case, but IT DOES NOT NECESSARILY HAVE TO BE.  Her husband has A LOT of work to do if their marriage is to be saved.  He has to overcome his demons and work to rebuild her trust.  Whether or not that happens is really up to him and if it does happen, it will not happen overnight.  If that is to happen, he will need for her to give him support and hold him accountable.  I recommended seeing a pastor because most "therapists" would just tell her to leave, move on with her life, etc.  Divorce might be what she chooses or her husband might choose to not make a change in his life, forcing her to make that decision.  Those of you saying he can never change should be ashamed of yourselves.  How many people told you that you would always be fat or that you couldn't lose the weight?  

In order for Sonia to find true peace, she will ultimately have to FORGIVE her husband whether they stay married or divorce. 

Did I say throw her marriage away? No, I did not. I said she should find someone to talk to and not blame herself. From personal experience I know how difficult it can be to recover from infidelity, so the OP has my empathy. Your first response seemed to suggest she should just love him through all his faults with no accountability for any of his, so I am glad you clarified.

I vehemently disagree that most therapists would tell her to just leave, though. And where did I say he cannot change? I didn't. Of course he can change if he wishes, but he has a long row to hoe.

If he cheated on you your entire marriage then he isnt going to ever stop.  He may pause but it will continue.  Habitual cheating is part of HIS character flaws not yours. It is grounds for divorce. He would need to pay you alimony. Unless he is rich and will provide for you while you dont work he is not worth it. For you to tolerate that he will have other women there would need to be something to make it worth it and you would need to be able to have your own romances.  Sex with prostitutes is worse than a casual fling and puts your own life at risk.  I really wish you courage and strength to deal with whatever you need to.

THANK YOU!   

A while ago I was married to a cheating husband. He wasn't a very nice person before I found he was cheating.  I was devastated when I found out he was cheating and I left him.  At the time, my daughter was 4 years old. My ex was an abusive idiot.  I felt so bad about myself I believed everything he said about me. And when I left, my eyes opened wide. 

He did not cheat because you were fat.  He cheated because he is a real jerk, and a hypocrite to boot. You may think you love him, but at this point it is more co-dependency than love. I suggest you find a good therapist to speak to. Also there is a good paperback to read, published about twenty five years ago by Dr. Wayne Dyer.  It's called Your Erroneous Zones. It helped me immensely.

What I and so many other woman have learned is that you have to love yourself first.  As others have suggested, please get tested for STDs. 

OP:  Therapy will help you come to realise that none of this is your fault - it's his problem and it will likely NOT change - you need to heal yourself so you can move on with your life!

I am reading your post one day after you posted.  I am so sorry that you are going through this, however, this is not the time to fall apart.  You might carve out that time for yourself later, but right now there is some important work to be done.

1) Safety. Are you safe now?  I am talking about physical safety.  People can act out after making such revelations about themselves.  Please make sure you are physically safe and in a safe place.

2) Medical. Go get tested for everything and do not sleep with him again until/unless you are sure that he has stopped and has been tested.  Insist on seeing the results of his test.  Don't take his word for anything now.

3) Legal/Financial.  This is the time (RIGHT NOW) to go and get your house in order.  Talk to a divorce lawyer and get some legal and financial protection.  This does not mean that you are filing or are going to file for divorce, this is just to make sure your interest are secured. You would be shocked at how many women miss this step and pay dearly for it later.  DO THIS NOW.

4) Emotional/Psychological support.  Get yourself to a good therapist.  You need another person to help YOU deal with this.  This is not time for couple's therapy (maybe in the future but now now).  You need someone to walk you through this process and help you think things through.  You need to understand on a very deep level that his acting out could not possibly be about you.  It is about him. Period end of story.  No matter what you looked like, and no matter what you said and or did, cheating on you with prostitutes is on HIM. My guess is that he has a big issue and he has had this issue before he even met you.  Please note, right now is not about fixing the relationship at all.  Right now is about getting you safe and strong.  Then...maybe...if he is in the right place in his life and he wants to change and...and...and...   But that's for later.  Now it's all about YOU. 

Hugs.