OT: Feeling kinda isolated and alone...(very long post)

Alright...well I just have to vent a little...I'm feeling kinda down...ok quite a lot. For some reason, friendships have been really difficult for me in last few years...well mainly since Adam joined the military...then last summer we finally got some new neighbors and I went and met them - which was really hard for me to do...I almost threw up before I did it.  I don't know how and when it got this hard to reach out and meet people, but somewhere along the line it did. All through high school and college I had tons of friends.  I wasn't popular by any means (I was always overweight...and you can't be popular and overweight), but I still always had friends.  There was always someone I could hang out with or go do something with.  But the last six years...not so much. Anyway, I finally met this lady...and we totally clicked!  I was so happy to finally have a friend...and so was she...we even both talked about how we hadn't had a friend in a long time.  Our husbands got along.  And some of the funnest memories I have of last summer was when they all came over for dinner and we all just hung out and had fun.  We spent hours in the back yard playing with the kids.  It was great.  We even drove to Seaside, Oregon one day...packed a cooler  and went to the beach...it was both her and her daughter's first time to EVER see the ocean!! Anyway, fast forward to a couple of months ago...all of a sudden she stopped coming over, and she didn't seem to interested when I went over to her house.  I could feel she was more distant with me.  I didn't understand why.  Then one day she mentioned her new friend.  I had invited her and her daughter to go to the zoo with us in a couple of days (I have the pass where three people can come free each time we go).  She said she couldn't because she goes over to Kathy's house everyday from 1-4 for coffee while their kids play.  SO that was kind of when I knew that I was out of the loop on this friendship thing. So fast forward to now...well last weekend...It was really bothering me, because I didn't know what I had done...obviously something was wrong in our friendship...so I mustered the courage to ask her...let me tell ya...I bawled and bawled before doing this. So I asked her, "Did I do something to offend you?  Because we used to be such great friends.  I really valued our friendship.  And last time I talked to you, I told you I missed hanging out with you and you just kind of giggled and didn't respond, which told me you didn't miss hanging out with me." She said, "It's not you.  It's just that I wanted to branch out and see what's out there."  So I was talking to my husband about this conversation.  I told him that I asked her what she's been up to since she's been doing other things...she told me, "well I have been hanging out with Kathy and I've met lots of people through her.  We all get together. and I've been going to the Escape zone." for those of you who don't know, it's a play thing for kids here on McChord - twice a day monday through friday they have it.   My husband said, "That's branching out??"  You know, I have to agree...it doesn't really seem like it's branching out.  Especially since I had invited her to come to the Escape Zone with me before.   But my thinking is...if we WERE such good friends, then why didn't she want to do those things with me?  Why didn't she invite me to meet Kathy?  Why...because I am not really  her friend anymore.  That's why.  I was a friend of convenience...and I am no longer needed...so I get chucked to the curb just like garbage.  I know it says more about HER than it does about ME...but it's hard.  It hurts.  And I'm feeling all alone here - living on base and not knowing anyone around me.  I can't wait until we can all get together, and I can get to know some of you guys better.  At least I won't wonder if you guys are judging me because I'm fat. Anyway, thanks for letting me rant and vent...

 First off big huge hugs to you girl!  I'm so sorry this happened, I've been there on your same end before myself and it does hurt and sucks so much.  Honestly, in the last probably 15 years or so, I have become a loner because of the fear of such things happening again.  I do have one or two close friends but I dont get to see them as much as I would like because we all moved from Ft Riley to here, but I only live close to one and she's got her hands full a lot.  But on the bright side, after I started this wls journey I have become more open and talkative than I have in a very long time.  I think it's partly because I feel a kin ship of sorts with people who are going through the same things as I am. My first step was of course coming here.  I actually learned of OH on a candle makers board and it just grew from there. When I got to meet in person you and Fran, I felt a connection with you guys right away, again because we were going through the exact same things. I guess what my ramble is getting at is....I have found great comfort in forming friendships both online (Nancy was one of my first, can't wait to meet her in person) and offline and I too cannot wait to meet others in our same shoes; both preop and post op, or even those who may lurk and want to come too.  Having something as big as this in common with others is a great thing, especially when it's something as personal as wls.  Like you said, nobody will judge each other for their size, we will support and compliment each other on our success and be there for each other when we stumble and help each other back up again. Don't take what she did to heart hun, it's not you and look at it this way, it's her loss that she wont have you as a friend and karma may one day bite her in the butt and her new friend may distance herself from her. I really hope we can make get togethers a regular thing, we dont even have to put a "support group" label on it if we dont want to, we can call it friends hanging out right?

Thanks, Shelley! Yeah...I appreciate the people I meet online...I really like the idea of getting out though...and do like our get together idea.   I also need people that will get me out of the house...someone to exercise with...or just take to the zoo with the kiddos, so I have someone to talk to while we're there.  I want friends I can go do things with...I'd like to get together with someone once or twice a week...even if it's not the same person...but I'd like to get out and be with people.  I feel so isolated at home...the other week I took the bus just to get out of the house to do something...but I was still alone.  UGH!  Sorry to sound so down...

Don't be sorry hun, I think many people, especially military spouses can relate to the needing to get out and just interact with other adults.  When my kids were much younger I ached for some adult conversation and sometimes it just wasn't in the cards because we had one car and hubby had it at work, and had no neighbors because they had all gone home during a deployment. But really, don't ever be sorry for sharing how you feel, they are your feelings and they are important.  And who better to understand them than us right?

 Here's a sprinkle of happy dust and a BIG hug for you Annie! Unfortunately it's things like this that have gotten alot of us to the situation we're in. Bad things happen and we turned to food for comfort...now we're having surgery! I'm just glad that you felt comfortable enough to come to the OH boards. I REALLY wish that I could tell you that these things get better, but unfortunately alot of us have similar situations post-op. Our place as the "fat friend" doesn't fit anymore. We don't accept it, and our "friends" don't accept our new life. I know if hurts, but it's good to surround yourself with positive people who can support you right now. This is a MAJOR life change and it isn't easy. I grew up in a military family traveling my entire childhood, so I know that the meeting new people part of life isn't super easy either. Again...I know it hurts, but screw all those jerks who don't like Awesome Annie B! You don't need them. It's time to be a teensy bit selfish and focus on  you and your family in the coming months. Plus, when you join the losers bench, you'll be so busy countin' protein and taking all those supplements that you won't have time to worry about fairweather friends.lol So the next time you're bored and feeling alone, message one of us! And if you're up for the drive...come to Seattle and we'll take on the town!lol

Hey there as soon as I get new tabs on my car you+me+whoever wants to come are gonna go hang out!!!  I was naughty and let the military tabs expire on my car and now I am waiting for the ins company to send new cards cause i can't find mine .  But as soon as I can we will get togther!!! Seriously what happened sucks though. I know what you mean  I have been livin the army life for 14 years and 5 moves, we've been here since 99 and i've told hubby no more moving for me.  It's been hard though the last few because almost everyone I knew and hung with has moved away. It's hard to be alone alot espically if you have young kids.  I hope you feel better soon and always know that you have lots of friends here who know what a bright, personable, articulate and loving person you are!!!  IMOP you are not garbage she is and you can leave her in the gutter. 

Ah, Annie........I am so sorry you are having a tough time today. You are a great young lady and I always enjoy talking to you. It was so very nice to run into you at the commissary the other day, and meeting your cute husband and adorable son's. I know I am old enough to be your mother, and no longer have small kids at home, but we still have things in common: wls, accounting, good hearts!! And my 28 year old son used to be a small boy too.

Your OH friends are always here for you!   Hugs!!

Oh, Annie...I'm so sorry that your "friend" deserted you like that!  I can only say "ditto" to all the other posts, but I wanted to post to you as well so you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.  It can be so difficult to develop new friendships - and then to have someone you thought was a friend treat you the way she has really hurts!  I am glad that you felt comfortable enough to post your feelings here so your OH friends could be supportive of you... I'm so glad that I was able to meet you at Vitalady's and hope that you'll be able to make it to more of her meetings.  I also hope that we are able to get together at a date and time you'll be able to be there!! Try not to let this so-called friend get you down...  Her actions definitely say more about her than you!  You deserve much better...  Take care and keep in touch!

Thank you, ladies, for your great words and encouragement!  I truly appreciate each and every one of you!!  *hugs*

Man it seems as though you are reading my thoughts. Most of my friends have gone with the fat! I know that I am really busy, but it seems most of my friends don't have time anymore. I often wonder is it jealousy over the weight lose as most of them too are overweight. Making friends has always been a hard task for me. Growing up was a huge accomplishment. I have drug and alcoholic parents. I became introverted, as I didn’t want people I went to school with to know. I still carry a lot of that with me now. I fear putting myself out there. Letting people in only to have them stomp on my feelings or using me for whatever they can get…

I am glad to have this site as it helps me feel less sheltered…I look forward to meeting all someday soon

Collette~