Who me? NORMAL? Naw...

I'm now normal? Apparently as of this morning... my BMI finally is in normal range. I'm 5'7.5" and I weight 161 lbs. Yesterday, I was *overweight* but today... I'm *normal*. Funny, I don't feel any different today. I'm now 1 lb above my goal of 160. I weigh what I weighed last in 8th grade when I was probably 5'5" or so. Never weighed this as an adult before. This is the only time over age 10 that I had a normal BMI. What a strange concept. I look in the mirror and what do I see.... Fat? No. Obese? No. Overweight? Don't think so. Thin? No, wouldn't say that. Trim? No, not that either. Normal? I guess since I ruled out the other choices... perhaps. Perhaps I do see myself as normal. What a strange yet fascinating concept, ya know? Going back to Becky Sue's post on "when is enough, enough"... I ask myself am I there yet? Logically, yes. I look at the scale and I realize I'm where I dreamed, thought, hoped, guessed that I'd be when I was there. Logic also tells me that if I could afford plastics there would probably be easily 5-10 less lbs of me. Without plastics, losing another 5-10 might make me look too thin and I don't want to go *there*. Emotionally, I tell myself... but you are so close to the 150s. Perhaps 155 would be better then you'd have a 5 lb buffer zone and that might be a good thing! LOL! Emotions also tell me that I've been working on getting to this exact place for the past 16 months (pre-op diet started in February of 2005****trike that, make it 20 months when I decided that I needed WLS in October of 2004. Um, strike that too... I've been wanting to be here since I was in 6th grade and had gained weight and had to shop in the chubby girls store and departments. I was near here a few times (within 15-20 lbs) in my life but never really there til now. My fear tells me that I don't want to mess this up. I want to stay here now that I"m here and I realize that it isn't going to be easy by any stretch of the imagination. Just because I've eaten healthy and careful for 16 months doesn't mean I can take it for granted for one minute. So, my *normal* self is sitting here with my logic, my emotions and my fear wondering what do I do next? Kathy ~lap RNY 5/20/2005~ ~279/276/244/161/160 (highest/consult/preop/current/goal)~

Kathy, I'm rejoicing with you! Where else but here can you get a big for being "normal"!? It is really a hard concept to wrap our minds around, isn't it? I too read Becky Sue's post and really thought it (& the responses) were really thought-provoking. According to my BMI, I'm still technically overweight, but I really do think I'm OK with it. I'm 56, just 5'4", and never imagined I'd ever be at this weight; I feel like I'm in a dream! I fluctuate b/w 153-156, and if I get a little bit higher, I really reign it in. If I can maintain this, I'll be singing the Hallelujah Chorus! But . . . oh, how I'd love to be in the 140's . . . so yes, I'm a victim of the "is there ever really total satisfaction of ourselves?" thinking. I badly want plastics, and I do beat myself up about how my unclothed body looks! That's where my dissatisfaction lies! I think I look good w/ clothes on (sleeves to the elbow, thank you), but I'm terribly self-conscious about my shriveled, wrinkly upper arms, my flat, deflated boobs, and my shar-pei thighs. Oddly enough, my panni isn't extreme and it flattens out fairly well under my clothes. Anything I'd have done would be self-pay, and I'm very uncertain right now if/when/what I may have done. Hubby & I are putting on an expensive wedding for our daughter in a couple wks., so we will have to recover from that before we seriously consider ps. But overall, everyone just raves about how I look, and I continually marvel at the wonders of being a normal weight. Like you said--not skinny, just "average"! Can't get over it, and I hope I never lose the "wonder" of it! Thanks for your good post. Jo 295/155 (more or less at goal!)

Jo, As for your body description... that sounds just like me. My panni isn't really extreme either. My weight was well distributed, I think. I have the flappy upper arms, flat flat flat deflated boobs (that require a D cup to stuff the sagging skin into but the top of the D is dang empty) that make mammograms simple, orange rind skin belly, sharpei ass (halfway down) and a broomstick skirt texture inner thighs. Lucky for me hubby had WLS too and lost 200 lbs so we just wiggle our respective extra skin at each other in passing. Lovely picture, I paint, eh? I think I look very good in clothing! When is this the "end"? When is enough enough? Will we ever be satisfied? Kathy

Congratulations! I'm right behind you. I weighed in this morning at 160.6....only 6.6 lbs away from "normal" and 10.6 away from the upper end of my goal. I want to ultimately get down to 140 but never want to be over 150. To me, size 8 sounds right and I think I can get into a size 10 now. Some days I feel "thin" and other days I see myself as still fat. I was folding clothes yesterday and was folding a pair of my husbands jeans, I used to wear them and they were getting too tight, they were a men's size 46. I actually bought 2 pair of 48s for me. Now I'm wearing a women's size 12 but they are becoming too loose so I'm pretty sure I'm a 10 now. Anyway, I was folding a pair of my size 12 shorts and they look so small. Simply marvelous! I wonder if I'll feel the same way as you and Becky Sue about knowing when enough is enough. I originally thought that I wanted to get down to 135 since that is what I weighed when I got married 28 years ago and that would mean that I've lost over half of me. But my doctor thought that was too thin for me and I think he's right. He thinks I should aim for 144. I'm also scared that I will gain all this back . I plan on weighing myself daily (as I've been doing since day 1) forever. I never want to let my weight get out of hand again. I'm trying very hard to make sure I eat a normal, healthy diet. I know that occasionally I will splurge but I know that I must make sure it doesn't become a habit. Anyway, kudos to you, and I hope you're feeling ok and take each day as it comes and try to live it to the fullest. Linda

I know that when my surgeon sets goal weights he adds either 10 or 15% to weight chart calculators. He does so for two reasons. First of all, extra skin. Most morbidly obese folks will have several pounds of extra skin. And that isn't going to come off with more weight loss. The second reason is that if one has been obese for a long time... one's skeleton gets heavier. It has to in order to support the extra weight that it has been forced to carry. So, in many ways, trying to get back to the weight one was when one was say 20... might not be possible without looking a bit emaciated. Kathy

You're right. I don't want to look like I'm sick and I don't know if I'll be a good judge of that since our perceptions seem to be off. I'll have to trust my friends and family to help with that. I do have some extra skin around my abdomen so that is probably 5 lbs of extra skin anyway and my bones are probably another few lbs. It just sounds neat to say that I weigh the same as when I got married. As it is, I haven't been this weight in probably 25+ years.

I know I was this weight in 8th grade... so that's 12 years old. Quick math in my head. That's 33+ years ago and never as an adult. Very strange concept. I think you are right. We have to trust others to raise a flag. I really haven't heard the "you are getting too thin" thing yet. Hubby is happy with me as I am but he's been happy even when I was up there in weight. My sister, of course, on the phone yesterday is comparing me to her sister-in-law and sight unseen thinks I should lose at least 10 more lbs. WHAT? HUH? She is thinking weight charts and something on someone else's bones. Geez. (I cut her lots of slack... she is going through chemo.) Kathy

So did you ever think you'd be this weight? I know 13 months ago I thought it was too good to be true. I did hear from 1 person that she thought I was starting to get too thin, but she's has gained weight and she's the one I felt some animosity/jealousy from so I take her opinion with a grain of salt. I went into this with the goal of being healthier and able to walk. Well, I am and I can. But I also want to be 100% successful in losing my excess body weight. Right now, I'm about 85%, happy with that but it's still unacceptable to me. I say trust your husband and close friends but also where you feel good. There are enough of us out here that will let you know if you are getting too thin, just keep posting your pictures. I'm sorry to hear about your sister having to go thru chemo. And I hope they find out what is causing your problems and you can get a handle on it. Linda

Linda, Therein lies the question... if there are pounds of extra skin and there is heavier bone mass... do you really know for sure how much excess weight you really had to lose, how much you have already lost and how much you still have to lose? Does that make sense? I'm 5' 7.5" and 160ish. I have big paws (size 11-12 shoe and hands that can span more than an octave on the piano). I don't know that I'm large framed (always thought I was but now... not so sure) but perhaps medium and certainly not small. Weight charts would say I should be in the 140s to 150ish. I'm at 160. Figure 5-10 lbs of extra skin. A few pounds of extra skeleton. Am I already down all my excess? Weight charts say no. But realistically? Perhaps. My new goal of sorts is going to try to get my body fat % down. DOn't know how accurate the Tanita scales are but the lowest I can get it to read (afternoons when very well hydrated) is 27.5%. I'd love to see that down around 20-22. Hubby and I are going for BMR (metabolic rate) testing on Saturday if I'm up for it. Should let us know what caloric range we are burning and what the target heart range is for burning fat versus working cardio. I cannot wait. Kathy

Congratulations on being "normal" Kathy!!!!!! Just wanted you to know that I understand exactly how you feel. I don't want to mess this up either! I think we were so focused on what to eat, how to eat, when to eat, etc to lose weight and we got that all down pat. Now, how the heck do we maintain? I've never really been good at maintaining~I guess that's how I ended up at 328lbs! I don't take this for granted either~I feel so blessed and thankful that I was able to have wls and lose the weight. All I know is that I will do everything in my power not to gain the weight back! Hugs, Tracy B 328/152 5'9"