5th anniversary

It's my 5th anniversary since my gastric bypass. I had no idea where I would be in 1 year, or 2 years... now it's been 5 years. I can tell you that I did quite well the first 2 years. I stuck to the pouch rules (my body gave me no other choice) I was mentally afraid to break the rules! What if I turned out to be the one person that failed miserably? Couldn't take that chance! Every friend, relative & co-worker were watching me. Lost weight very VERY easily the 1st year. Duh. Harder & slower the 2nd year. 3rd year I relaxed in my newer body & slowly began to lose my fear of eating. Yes, I had stopped losing by this time & was NOT at my goal yet.( got close) It's like I gave up. But I didn't admit this to myself. Of course not. 4th year, I have NO memory of when it started or HOW it started....but I started drinking my old favorite again, Diet Coke. I would pour it over ice & make it go flat so the fizz wouldn't be in my pouch (I'm not totally stupid) Ah yes. My old friend was back. With the Coke came the old food grazing habit. Eat a little, sip the liquid & it will go on through the pouch... graze a little more food... chat ~ visit ~ act normal... pour that 2nd diet coke. You get the idea. STILL not admitting to myself what I was doing. Too late, I gained. Must be water retention. Hey you pre-op's & post op's too.... obey the pouch rules FOREVER. And never ever let those destructive fat habits grip you for long. Our heads are where the true battle goes on. The pityful food stories I could tell. The lies we tell ourselves. Denial is just plain sad. I've wasted 2 years. I feel like I need to be completely retrained. 1/21/2002 Cindy

Let me tell you I know EXACTLY how you feel. I never did get back to drinking pop, but the grazing, not paying attention to what I'm eating, etc. is my life these days. I fight it every day. You said it so clearly. I agree....NEVER test the waters as far as bad foods go. Now we struggle. I will fight to get back on track! Best of luck to you too! Just know you are not alone! Hugs, Theresa 3 years 1 month out initial loss - 125 lbs gained back - approx. 30 lbs. next personal goal to meet? - Taking 10 lbs off! ARE YOU WITH ME?

Cindy, I'm almost 2 years out and I can agree.....at some point most of us tend to get comfortable with our new lives and don't remain diligent in our decisions. I've fought some demons myself recently and refuse to let this continue. I wish I had NEVER tested the waters, the first 15 months for me were easy, I lost weight quickly and didn't have any problems. As hunger returned and my taste settled down, I've caught myself eating things I know I shouldn't and telling myself "it's ok, just a little won't hurt" *sigh*, not true up a few lbs and I definitely know why. Good luck, I know you can gain control. Dana

Hey Dana - I have not seen you around for a while!!! Well, just wanted to tell ya (not to jink me) but it has been 4 days - free from cigarettes!!! Yea! I went cold turkey and for the most par it has been okay...... I will keep ya posted! Miss talking with you! Valerie

Hi Cindy! Thank you for your honesty~you are helping so many people by telling your particular story. That's my fear~the first few years have been smooth sailing, but how do I not become complacent?? How do I stay one step ahead of the game?? I try to follow the rules daily, but there are days when I "fail". I gain a few pounds and then work hard to get them right back off, but will I always have the mindset to stay on top of things?? So, what's your plan now?? I wish you Good Luck in the future!!!!!!!!! Hugs, Tracy B

Cindy: I am 3 years, 5 months out from RNY. Believe me, I KNOW how very easy it is to think that we are now normal. I thank God that I had zero complications and have never had food issues to any great extent. However, that can also work against us. I was really able to convince myself that I was indeed normal now, and that my new and magical life would just go on uninterrupted. I guess I couldn't even really see that my weight was going up in small increments - I weighed myself every day, but somehow managed to deny that it was actually true weight gain. I think I convinced myself that it would just start coming back off again like it had done in the year or so after my surgery. It's funny that I was able to keep to some of the rules - I'm religious about taking my vitamins and never miss. I still don't drink with my meals, although I've pushed the time frame a little bit for resuming drinking after meals. But I have a ton of bad habits that I wish I had tried to alter after my surgery. For a few months, I was "good" because I simply couldn't eat things like bread and pasta, or too much sugar. Those restrictions left me about 6 months after surgery. Of course, I tested the waters and thought I was "invincible" because even though I ate those things, I still did not gain and in fact, kept losing. I allowed my mind to grasp onto that concept and denied that I had to change, even though I was warned repeatedly by my surgeon and her staff, and through all of the great reading I did on WLS, that this was only the "honeymoon" period. Here I am 25 pounds later, kicking myself in the butt for not realizing that I needed to address these issues. And I don't really know if I have it in me to do it even now. And that's sad, isn't it? I want things to change, but I feel I don't have enough motivation and discipline to make it happen. I could continue to just gain more weight and be powerless to do anything about it. I hope I can find the strength to do what's needed, and I hope you will to. Carlita

tomarrow will be three years for me. I went from exactly 300 pounds down to 169 and I've been back up to 215 for the past 7 months. I have not been to the Drs. in well over 1 1/2 years because of how ashamed I am. I eat anything with sugar. I have such a craving for it that I get very ugly if I even think I can't have any. Befor surgery, I was a meat and potato eater. I didnt really care for too many sweets. Now,....I can't stop. When it comes to eating dinner or lunch, I'm too full from having snacked all day long on candy, cakes, cookies, pie, etc. Right now in my office I can see chocolate rice cakes, jingle cookies, potato chips, mints, four different kinds of candy bars, popcorn, dove chocolates, and hard candy. I just started a job as an Executive Director for a mental Health office. You would think I would be so happy with my accomplishments and hard work, that I would want to look good but instead, i seem to always punish myself. How could I do this again?

Cheryl: I'm a sweet/chocolate addict too. So I know very well what you are saying. And being at work is the worst of it - because you can't control the environment there like you can at home. I don't know if you could do this, but here's what I'm trying. I started this week on Monday doing a carb/sugar detox. The first 2 days were "hell", and I kid you not. I felt awful, had a horrible headache, just felt fuzzy, and was very, very tired. But I stuck it out, with just a minor spill off the wagon. But I got back on, and I'm doing OK. The cravings have really decreased. I'm just eating protein, as in meat, cheese, eggs, protein drinks, and also veggies. I am allowing myself things like sf jello with whipped topping made from whipping cream with a little Splenda added in. I have also had a few of the Atkins protein bars and morning snack bars. Having said this, and telling you that I'm OK, I also know that I will not be able to sustain this for a really long period of time. I have decided, therefore, to have a "cheat" day and eat the carbs that I want and chocolate, whatever I feel like having. But, I'm going to be strict with myself and go right back on the low-carb, high-protein regimen. I think I can do it if I know I will have that "one day" a week to look forward to. A guy I work with who lost close to 100 pounds (non-WLS) did it this way, and he said that's the only way he got through it. So I don't know - this plan won't work for everyone, I'm sure. Just as in other aspects of life in general, and post-op in particular. I'm just throwing out an idea here for you. I wish you the best of luck. Oh, I'm also considering seeking out a therapist to help me deal with my food issues. That also isn't for everyone, and I don't know yet if it's for me, but it might be worth a try. Anyway, I wish you all the best. I hope that you will find the strength you need to pull it together. You do deserve the best. Congrats on your new job too! I hope that we can both get it together and not blow the best chance we ever got to be normal weight. All the best to you. Carlita

Oh, Cindy, I so much understand! I'm four years out and my life is wonderfully, amazingly different from what it was, but... I had tremendous problems following surgery. I always believe that is the reason that I never came close to my goal. I actually reached the 100's on the scale for 28 seconds one day...but since then, it's been uphill. I struggle every single day and can't say I'm making progress. I know all the words to say...and I know what to do, it's the DOING it that comes so hard to me. For me, it's diet pepsi...as well as lots of BAD carbs! I'm so glad I don't have the 150 to lose anymore, but just losing the 30 I've regained seems like a mountain! Glad we're all out here trying to help one another. I hardly ever post anymore but had to let you know you are definitely not alone! Sheryl

I am celebrating my 5th anniversary on July 2 of this year. I started out at 298 and the lowest I got was 142. Now I am at 196 which is a 54 pound gain. I am totally disgusted with myself. It is a daily struggle with me. I have never had the problems like others have with throwing up, not being able to handle sugar or any of the other issues. I have a smaller appetite but it is a constant one right now. I can remember a time when I would have to remind myself to eat. Now I have to fight myself mentally not to eat. I crave sweets, junk food, fried food...you name it, I crave it. I am also having a really hard time exercising. I just have no energy and I feel lethargic lately. I am getting so desperate. I swear if I see the 200 mark I am just going to lose it. I can't go back to the point where I use to be.