Coming upon 6 years out Man has this been Sucky!!!

Hello All, It has been a very long time since I have posted. It seems the further out I get, the further away from what I should be doing seems like a thing of the past, that is now long gone. 30 lbs is what I have gained. I swore up and down I would never let this happen. Ha!! I should have known better. It began with getting sick and being put on prednisone for my lungs. That is by far the nastiest drug I have ever taken. I was on steroids for a year!!  That is where the weight gain started coming. Next, I was a victim of a crime and had that trauma to deal with. Only I didn't deal with it. I drank myself silly, I quit taking my vitamins, I quit eating healthy, I quit working out. Basically, I just wanted to quit life. I transferred addictions like a mad woman. One day I woke up and was sure that I had pushed the limits and that I was destined for death. I cried out to God to please help me quit living this life of self destruction and help  me get my life back together. God is really cool. He took away my desire to drink & smoke. That was in August, 2006. Hooray! After intensive therapy and attending OA meetings, I really feel as though I have gotten a grip on my emotional problems. I am an addict of the worse kind. I admit it. I am that person who transferred one addiction for another. These addictions truly manifested after having Weight Loss Surgery. When I could not longer binge like I used to. I am glad that it did, because now I am totally aware of these things. So here is what is bothering me now and this is where you come into play. You as in someone who knows what I am talking about and has even experienced this. Wisdom, knowledge; I will take all you can give me to help me through this current struggle. For at least a couple of months now I have been off sugar and bad carbs. No diet soda. I take my vitamins regularly and go to the gym faithfully. Still struggling to get tha****er in, but I am really being aware of that  situation and upping that too. I ice skate 2-3 times per week hard. And the weight does not want to budge. In fact, according to the scale this morning I gained another 5 pounds. It is not muscle weight and the inches lost are few. I have been eating like a regular person, not like I was told to eat when I first had surgery. I have been eating lots of fruits, oatmeal, whole grain foods, yams, as well as protein and veggies. My snack food has become Cheerios & peanut butter to replace the sugar cravings. I was eating ton of chocolate right after I quit drinking and have even given that up. I tried that diet that Celebrity fit club recommended. It was whole grains, fruit and veggies for the first 9 days to sort of cleanse the body. I gained 7 pounds and sat on the toilet a lot!! My co-worker eats oatmeal, whole grain foods and lots of fruits. She has gone down 4 clothing sizes!!  I have come to the realization that I have to eat strictly protein and veggies in order to lose weight. No more oatmeal and no more fruit until I lose this weight. I am having a hard time wrapping myself around this concept. I know it is true because about a month ago, I did nothing but protein and green veggies and lost weight quickly. Ya would think that I would have lost 10 pounds just from giving up alcohol and chocolate. Let me tell you I drank White Russians daily, so there was nothin low calorie about that!  I am just trying to get back to where I was @ 140 lbs, so I can fit back into my clothes and feel better. Can anyone relate to this? I really could use some encouragement here. I refuse to give up on this! I remember coming here once upon a time and getting great support. Can ya help an old timer out here? Thanks a billion. Dawn

Hey Dawn! First off, to you for coming here and pouring your heart out!!  As hard as it is to admit our slip-ups and pitfalls, you should be proud of yourself for unloading here and asking for help!   While I cannot relate to the transfer of addictions, I can certainly relate to the addictive personality that I believe most obese (and formerally obese) people deal with on a daily basis.  Your story is not the first I've heard regarding the substitition of one addiction for another, and by merely posting your struggles here, you are telling those behind you that these possibilities are "real" and should be dealt with head-on.  Good for you!!!  The only advice that I have to offer is really a very simple one.  Get back to basics. Go back to the very beginning when you first had surgery and you were doing everything "right".  Have you reviewed the Rules of the Pouch?  You can google it online or send me your email address and I will send you a copy.  It really helps me when I am struggling to get back on track. It sounds to me as though you are headed in the right direction, and you certainly know what you have to do to get there.....  the struggle is just implementing all the steps and following through on a regular basis, yes?  Take comfort in knowing that we ALL share that same struggle!   You'll get lots of advice and suggestions here....  just take what works for you and keep us posted of your progress!   One Step At A Time!!!  Hugs to you! Kristi  

  Dawn, though I can't say I totally know where you are coming from in regards to the off and on track situation, but your testimony touched me, and for that I'd like to offer these words of encouragement--first, congratulations on hearing God's voice and hearkening to it.  Your obedient spirit is going to set you up in his good graces to allow you to finish this race, if you're still determined (which it sounds like you are). Secondly, don't give up.  If I've learned anything on this journey, its to never give up, even when things look bleak and those around us are doing fabulous.  Forget them and focus on you.  What works for one is not necessarily going to work on others the same way.  I had to learn to live with that and start living for me.  I pray you can endure veggies and protein for a while if that is what kicks starts your metabolism again.  I would say that because there was some serious disruption to your system and it's eating habits, you've got to learn that slowly getting back into shape is what its going to take for you to achieve your goal.  Though I have to admit, you've given me food for thought as to why my weight loss may not be coming down as fast as I'd like it to even though I've upped my exercise. Lastly, I would like to offer you this prayer: God, grant Dawn your direction, strength, comfort, and joy in this journey in her life.  Lord, she knows that you have forgiven her for challenging the temple you loaned her, but God help her to get her temple back in shape.  She believes in you, has placed faith in you, and has a willing and obedient heart and spirit.  Lord I pray that you will grant her the desires of her heart that are aligned with what you have planned in her life.  God send your annointing to her body to heal it from the past, so that it may be presented flawless in the present and future.  Lord I thank you that Dawn has accepted the love you have for her and for her body, and I pray she continues untampered on her journey to healing.  In Jesus Name I pray--Amen. I hope I didn't offend you by sending you the prayer, and I really do wish you the best on your journey.  God's blessings for you! Tara

Hi Dawn, I agree with the previous posters that it has taken courage to post your comments and it really does help others to know these transfers of addiction are real and to watch out for them. Protein and veggies work best for me, too.  That's what I concentrate on. And beware of peanut butter, for me it's addictive, and it has twice as much fat as protein, so it really isn't an especially good source of protein if you're trying to lose weight.  (For those who are in maintenance and have no problem with regain it can be fine, but for me, it isn't!)

Stay here with us, we'll help you through the rough patches.  We can relate to your struggles.

Thanks again for baring your soul.

Hugs,

Connie

Dawn, I just wanted to lend you my support!! It sounds like you're really trying hard and you deserve to see results! I too have to stick mainly w/protein~carbs make me gain. some people are just more carb sensitive than others, even to the good carbs. It seems like you're really get back on to the right track and I am so proud of you for working at it so hard! Please remember  that we are always here to help or even just to listen~don't ever hesitate to call on us! (((((HUGS))))))

Dawn, Like the other posters, I am not coming from the exact place you are (having battled cross-addiction, as well as the other trauma you mentioned); however, I too want to say how glad I am that you posted.  You came here for support, but without realizing it, you are also giving support to others who are struggling. I don't have a problem with alcohol, but I am dealing with a 25-lb. re-gain (after maintaining for well over a year) and have just begun to get control again.  I was blessed by God with a "textbook" surgery and recovery, and I for about 18 mo., I followed all the rules and thought I was really learning how to deal with my old compulsive, addictive eating demons.  Even after I started making some stupid food choices & letting some of the old habits creep in, I was still able to keep enough control and kept exercising so that my weight still only fluctuated by a few lbs.  But for the last 6-7 mo., I've gradually gotten worse & worse, and I'm scared to death of how fast I've regained this amount of weight.  Plus, I've continued to exercise, so I can only imagine how much more I might have gained otherwise.   I hate myself when I pray and then don't really "listen" and allow God in.  I struggle with my commitment to exercise, which I still hate--this is a daily drudgery for me.  I knew full well that the surgery was not "magic" but somehow thought I'd conquered my weight, and now I have frequent pity-parties that I can't "have my cake & eat it too"!  I can't get away with eating many bad carbs without gaining and am very upset that absolutely nothing makes me dump or bothers me in the least!  I feel 100% better, physically & mentally, when I'm eating right, so you'd think that would be highly motivating, but as we all know, we're dealing with compulsive behaviors & addictions, which are not rational! I am not giving up!  Not only do I want to be able to fit into the clothes I wore last spring & summer, but I also want to feel under control and just happier!  I know it's physically possible for me to do it, and I've started doing way better just recently.   Please hang on!  Come to this Grads Board every day if possible--even though the stories are different, I think you will get lots of help here.  It helps me a lot to know that others are struggling too, but it especially helps me to hear about ways that others are succeeding and overcoming the dreaded and common re-gains! Thanks for your post! Jo

Dawn,     Without going into too many details - I fully understand substituting one addiction for another or for having multiple addictions.  It is great that you are comfortable enough to come here for support.  As you clearly know support is the key to success.  If you can remember to get back to basics.  I don't just mean the pouch rules.  Take one day at a time, one hour at a time if that is what is managable.  30#'s is do-able (1) pound at a time.  Hang in there you are NOT alone and feel free to email me if you think that I can help.               Ann

no words of wisdom here , but just a big giant hug!!!!! You are not  alone in the struggle.