Hello, new to this board, (16yr grad) had a total breakdown last night....

Last night I had a total "pitty me" crying fest.  I've been working out like mad and reduced my calories to be back on track for a month now. The results:.....I lost 11 lbs already.  So.........I should be happy right?  I mean, I'm still capable of losing, I need to at least get off the 45 that I gained over the past 4-5 years. So what's the problem with me?  I saw my physician today, and cried on her shoulder.  She told me my metabolism is slowed down with my age.......(sheesh, I'm only 38), and probably Depo Provera shots for the last 6 years caused me to carry excess fat.  I'm off the shots since November, but it'll remain in my system for about a year.  I said to the doctor, " look at me, my stomach is stapled, I eat like a mouse, had a tummy tuck, and weigh 205 Lbs....IT'S NOT FAIR!!!" I guess what's really bothering me is, I never got to my ideal weight and had a tummy tuck a years after my VBG, then I got married and had two children, so there went the tuck........my belly still protrudes like I'm 5 mths.   I told the doctor I'm mourning for the "honeymoon weight loss", it came off so easy at first, 15lbs/week,  (so to me, 10lbs in 5 weeks is too slow). I was in my early 20's and looking real good at the time at 165lbs, I was wearing mini skirts and dressing sexy (wore size 10 leather pants), but I never felt like I was "thin".  So now I look back at the pictures and cry wondering why I didn't see myself small, now I want so bad to be back to that size again. Why do we do this to ourselves?  I mean, do some of you not realize your actual size until the weight creeps back up?  Was I just "never satisified"?,  I feel like I was "on the boat, but missed the ride", ...........I know this is just my mind, but it's hard to straighten out and realize I can fight it and lose again. Anyone been in this kind of situation and what did you do to get back to goal? Thanks for reading. BTW, there isn't any support groups in my province for WLS, so my doctor is setting me up with a psychologist to help me deal with my feelings of "failure", but that will take months to get an appointment...........sigh.....I'm so impatient.

Hi,  I don't know much about the vertical banding. Isn't it a staple line? If it is, did it maybe fail?Personally I think you are doing great. I am just not sure how your procedure works. If it is the procedure I am thinking of, I have heard that many times the staple line fails and the food gets past it and you are having food going into the lower half of your stomach. If nothing else you came to the right place for support.   I too am stuggling to get this regain off. Good luck to you. Take care---Toni

Hi, Coreen.  I'm sorry I don't know a whole lot about VBG, other than what Toni said - that there are a number of VBG patients who get revisions to RNY or DS, because VBG tends to fail over time (staple line disruption, I guess).  It sounds like you really aren't doing bad, though, after all these years, and you should be happy for that.  16 years is a long time - I hope I can do half as wel as you after that amount of time!  Maybe getting off the Depo will really help you after a period of time, and also seeing the psych, too.  Best wishes, and keep on posting - we all need each other!

Carlita

Hi Coreen, You have several questions here that I cannot address, however as a 16 year grad I think you are doing an outstanding job especially taking into account 2 pregnancies post VGB...

What I did want to address was your question about gaining and not realizing how much until the weight creeps back up...This is one on my biggests fears, because I know that one big reason I gained enough weight to qualify for this surgery in the first place was because I never really saw a bigger person in the mirror all those years I was putting on the pounds...Don't get me wrong, I knew mentally I was getting larger (at least until I had to switch up to elastic waists in my pants) but I just did not recognize it...By the same token I did not really see it coming off either until I'a lost 60+ pounds...This is the primary reason that I choose to weigh myself daily - it is the best way for me to keep myself in check, again mentally I know this is not necessarily the best choice but I need that daily # as a reminder ... Just wanted you to know, at least in this area, you are not the only one...

Years ago, I took up the hobby of photography.  Turns out I was pretty good at it and can make a decent amount of money to "support my hobby"; however wanna know the real reason I decided to pick up the camera in the first place? If I was behind the camera, I couldn't be in front of it, too. For me, I never saw my weight gain - or my weight loss, for that matter - until I saw myself in pictures.  I knew I was gaining weight - hell, the clothes in my closet showed that, but I couldn't really see it in the mirror.  I couldn't see it as I was losing, either.  I had to look at pictures of myself that were 6 months apart to see any real difference.  I've picked up some weight in the last year and I DO see it in the pictures (and of course in my clothes, too) - so I suppose it is possible to recognize some 'learned' behavior along the way.  Who knows why our minds are so cruel to our bodies?  It seems unfair and unjust that we should have to play these games with ourselves to survive.  I think you are amazing - the fact that you took on your surgery 16 years ago and have done SO WELL all this time, despite two pregnancies and the day to day grind of having to deal with food - for those of us on this same journey, albeit a few years behind you, your story is actually encouraging to me!  KUDOS TO YOU , my friend - you are my hero! Hugs! Kristi  Oh - and PS:  the Depo shot was the beginning of my weight gain, too!  I would tell anyone out there - if you are prone to weight gain (for any reason!) steer clear of that little monster!!