confessions of a "true" food addict

WARNING-The content of this post may be hazardous to anyone faithfully following "the rules" today!!!  I've been trying to pay attention to my food intake and food choices this week and for the most part I havent done to bad.  I've even passed up cake at work yesterday--(yeah me--although I was mad about it!) I need to confess my food intake today publically before it gets any worse.   I've literally drank 1 pot of coffee--very strong and NO DECAF for me!!  I've also started consuming these little chocolate "sixlets" that my daughter left on the counter last night.  Every time I walk by them I move them out of the way and somehow several of them make it to my mouth---What the heck is this about!!!  For some reason I feel I need to reward myself.  I am still thinking about the cake at work too!!  In fact I'm wondering if tomorrow I should bring cake--and you know where that will end up--my hips!!  What am I thinking--I'm working on my next "fix" is what I'm thinking.  I need to stop this spiral today--and right now!!  So here's my public confession and I'm hoping that by seeing it written it will be communicated to my evil subconscience to STOP this destructive behavior at once!!!! PS  --  those little chocolate things are not even that good!!! and you really don't care that much for cake!! Thanks for the workspace Penny

I completely understand!!!!!!!!! I wonder myself why I eat "whatever" even when it doesn't taste good to me?!?!?! Its just a state of being out of control. Most of us go thru it, but just hope it won't hang around too long. So, you're aware~that's a great start!!!!! I hope things go better for you throughout the day. Then I always have the mentality of "well, I already ruined it for today so why not eat blah, blah, blah"~that thinking doesn't make sense either! Its like, why  not just realize what's being done and put a stop to it right away instead of doing more damage............I guess that's why I'm in therapy, LOL!!!!!!!

i have been out of control recently. chocolate is the biggest culprit. I'll eat anything if it's chocolate. I don't care that I've gained like 5-7 pounds. It's like my head has went stupid. I feel your pain. good luck and love.  best to you!

As for eating something you dont like....I have been craving ice cream, Dont even like the stuff except maybe a bite every year or two. Anyhow saw a comercial for a Reese's sundaay at baskin Robbins and well i had to have one....the first bite was all Fudge, peanutbutter topping and candy bies and it was heaven, second bite was icecrea,..so so and then third bite was yucky warm icecream :-(   but dont you know I ate the entire thing simply because I couldnt get anyone else to eat it for me and I just couldnt throw it away. Nausia, Tummy ache & Head throbbing but I know my dumbass will do it again someday   Go figure It is good you are trying to deal with it.... Diana RNY 9/17/03 360/200/aiming for 180

I agree, it's good you're aware of this.  We all do it, so don't feel so bad.  Sometimes, it's just worse than others.  I believe it's a part of our disease, and it can be controlled, but it's really difficult sometimes.  I don't know if you could call this an "improvement" but I have reached a point where if I put something in my mouth that doesn't taste as good as I thought it would, I can just eat the one bite and put the rest away or pitch it.  I only go for QUALITY now - LOL!

Carlita

I can totally relate to what you are doing!! This as always been my issue and lately it had  gotten so out of control. I was thinking about what to eat next, almost didnt matter what, should I have crackers, or cheese, or grapes or chocolate, or pie, or finding the perfect chocolate chip cookie with walnuts in it. Then to spend the time/effort toward choosing something. ANd every time I did get my "fix" it actually didn't "do it" for me and then I am thinking, "that wasn't it, what else should I try?"   Those thoughts are consistent with people battling addictions.  So we need to keep working on it!

I was thinking about that very thing today. That after 4 years I had  hoped to be more in control of the food addiction. A perfect example of my food issue was right after my gastric bypass surgery I couln't get enough of the food tv network. I was obsessed with it. The thought of eating food made me sick, as I had no appetite but something abou****ching it on the tv satisfied me. Yes I did lose 140 pounds and I  am  at a healthy weight and  have been for 2 years but that is not due to me working on and  getting in control of my food issues. In all honesty, it is the tools of the surgery that have kept me line. Everyday at least once I thank my surgeon under my breath over the fact that I do dump. I know that is the main thing or the fear of it, that has allowed me to lose the weight, stay in a healthy weight range and for the most part be able to limit what I put in my mouth. But that doesn't mean that when i have a crap day I still don't  hear the chocolate  or ice cream calling  me. And what's worse..... is that I've noticed that when I see something that I want to eat that's not good for me like  a candy bar or chocolate cake etc...  I start thinking to myself "hmmm....that is almost dumpworthy or on scale of 1 to 10 how dumpworthy is that?". Thankfully i do come to my senses and realize no it's not dumpworthy but the thought crosses my mind just the same. However, I'm still eating for all the wrong reasons,  even if I am making smarter food choices I'm still eating  because it looks good or would taste good or I'm sad, happy, bored (insert reason here) every thing besides to just nourish my body. I can't count how many times I've said "well I had surgery on my tummy and not my head or emotions" I know that it can take a while before the two align with each other but geesh! It's been 4 years for me and today I decided it's about time I really started to do something about it. 

You're not alone. I also tend to give an inanimate object like food way too much power over me sometimes too. ****** me off, I read the boards, and then I just start over and regroup.  Good luck. 

This is me but it usually affects me MOST at night.  Like last night for instance, I stood in the middle of my kitchen floor literally "arguing" with myself internally about whether I would take the protein ball I was eating into my room and crawl into bed as I finished it OR if would do as my therapist recently suggested and break that "hiding while eating" habit and eat at my dining room table.  I will say this, I finished the protein ball while still standing there, mid-argument with self, BUT, at least I was THINKING about my behaviors and actions and I didn't eat in my "cave" as I call it (in my bed, under the covers, watching TV in the dark!).  I like what one grad said about allowing food to have control over me--- why would I or we, as smart, talented and strong as we all are- allow that?  It is called addicition, people, and an addicition to food is the HARDEST addiction of all to overcome.  TAKE IT ONE DAY- or MOMENT- AT A TIME! Stay Strong!!!