Please Tell Me I'm Not The Only One
I had GBS in August of 2004. My starting weight was 350lbs. I now float around 180lbs. My question is, Does anyone else deal with bingeing? It happens about once a week or so and the loss of control scares the hell out of me. Since I don't do it that often and I excercise quite regularly I haven't experienced much of a weight gain. Thank god. When it happens I feel like someone has taken control of my mind and body. The whole time I am shoving food in my mouth I am asking myself what are you doing? Then after I get full I'll tell myself this was the last time and a half hour later I'm doing it again. I don't think this is emotional eating. When it happens, it happens for no rhyme of reason. I can't trace it back to anything. Sometimes I go 2 or 3 weeks without an episode and eat healthy. Sometimes too healthy or too restrictive and I think that is the problem. I am an all or nothing kind of person. I can't just allow myself one cookie or treat daily. That opens the door to 10 cookies so I choose not to eat any. Then after a few weeks when I finally give in, all hell breaks loose and it winds up turning into a binge. Then instead of just stopping and trying to recover, I figure too late to turn back and wind up making a day of it. I guess guys get eating disorders too. The thing that scares me the most other than the possibility of gaining weight and undoing what I have have spent the last 3 years accomplishing is the lack of control I feel when this is happening. Its like I am watching myself screwing up but I can't do anything about it. Before you guys respond with get some counseling, I know that would probably do some good. This surgery really does screw with your head. I know that if this behavior continues, I could possibly go back to what I was and I certainly don't want that. Knowing this, why do I do it. Is anyone else dealing with this or have gotten through this and how did you or do you handle it? I don't think it was this bad before surgery when I was fat. Thanks in advance for any responses. Brendon
on 6/16/07 10:02 am - Leander, TX
Now I'm all over the place, eating jelly beans, Iced coffe from starbucks or worse yet iced coffee from dunkin donuts. I've let these litte thing creep into my life and I want so depserateley to go back to the non thinking way of eating. Now all I think about is food. Before, all I thought about was what nice new outfit to wear. I think I know why...because my daughter is going through eating disorder problems at this time.
It just dawned on me. First she was anorexic and now binge eating and back to a quasi anorexic state. She is getting help from a nutrionist who only deals with eating disorders and also a a mental health worker who only deals with eating disorders. I wonder if her condition has brought back the memory of my old habits and maybe I'm trying to make up for her lack of eating or some strange thing like that. When she binges it gives me permission. I don't know just started really thinking about how this ties into my daughters problems. Maybe I feel responsible, guilt....very interesting things to discuss with my counselor or even hers since I might be making her worse as well. Like a vortex. UMMMMMMM. I never would have thought about any of this if you hadn't have brought this up. In asking for help for yourself you have helped others too.