serious head trip from family, insight, advice please?

It has been about a month now and I still cannot seem to get it together. I went to my youngest sisters graduation the end of May, my family (five sisters, mom and dad), had not seen me in person for about a year. Only a few pictures here and there. I am down about 12 or so lbs from the last body shot pic in my profile. OK, here is what happened...grad went well, all of my younger sisters (four of them) are so happy and one of them even cried when she saw me, but my oldest sister just kept saying how I didn't look like "myself" or her Meka. Just thought she was referring to my face change. At the graduation I got up to use the restroom and she came with me. In there she corners me with questions of...if I am having an "problems"? I'm like no i'm fine. Long story short, she thinks I have an eating disorder and proceeded to tell me that I needed to gain weight  I told her that I don't want to and I have no intention on doing that. and by then there was commotion outside because the graduation was coming to a close. She then later on proceeded to ask my husband if I was eating... WOW! I dismissed this as her being her and tried to just enjoy the rest of my visit as I hadn't seen my family as I said in about a year. Well...we were walking to our cars and my mom sweetly says to me...are you feeling ok? taking all your vitamins and everything? and then I crashed not mom too. And that is when I thought "on my gosh...do I look that bad? So now here is my problem and the reason why I am writing and hoping for some insight and support. I have tried to do this on my own but now I feel like even strangers look at me like they did. But I know it's all in my head but then there are even times when I feel like...maybe they are right and I know for sure that isn't true, but I just can't shake these thoughts. Right now I should be in maintenence phase and concentating on that but instead, i'm in this mental struggle with so many questions about my self image. I know what I want. My mom did call me and apologize and say had she known that my sister had said those things she would have explained her questions better and that she just wanted to be sure I was keeping up with those things and that I should only worry about pleasing God. It's just that sometimes I think I should eat more or something and other times I know I should continue doing what I have been for over two years. Please feel free to comment and please excuse any typos but my computer acts up sometimes and I wanted to be sure I got all this down. Sorry it's so long.

((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) First off, I went to your profile and checked out your pics~I know you said you're about 12lbs lighter now, but you look fantastic and I'm sure you still look great 12lbs lighter!  I can completely relate to what you're saying b/c I received comments like this too. The relatives that said these things to me were definitely coming from a point of envy and/or jealousy~not sure it that is the case for you sister, but this was the case for my sister in laws. I guess the thing that kept me from letting it play head games with me was the fact that I know who I am and what I'm about. I know that I eat healthy and I exercise regularly. I know that I worked damn hard to get this weight off and I don't ever want it to come back!! Now that's not to say that it didn't hurt my feelings and in fact I'm really not speaking to either of  my sil's right now. At a time when they should have been happy for me and rejoicing with me, they made a choice to be unkind due to their own self esteem issues (and neither one of my sil's are overweight~one is a size 12 and the other is an 8 or a 10). I think it was just the shift in placement in the family~I went from being the heaviest to being the lightest and they didn't really know how to deal with that.  Please don't let anyone undermind your success! You've worked hard and now you deserve to enjoy the benefits of your hard wor****ep eating properly, exercising, taking vits, etc and you will continue to be the beautiful, vibrant person that you are!

Thank you, you make me want to cry with your encourageing words, I guess i'm just surprized that It's taking me so long to get it together.

Meka,     Girl  you  look  wonderful ! I   can  relate  so  much  to  your  posting  ..  Change  is  hard   for  most  people .. I  went  home  after  this  year and  my  family  had  no  idea  I  had  lost  a  once  and  I  am  192   lbs   lighter  ,...  I  heard  every  thing  that  you  did..  I  came  home and  made    Dr  appointment  and  talk  with  my  Dr  .. My  Dr  said  that  every  thing  was  good  and  I  need  to  just  focus  on  me  and  not  spend  my  time  think  about  their  comments...  My  heart  goes  out  to  you!!    Continue to  go  forth  and  know  that  your  ok  better  yet  your  Awesome !!  Stand  proud  and  in  time  you  will   work  through  this ..  I  know  I  had  a  hard  time  seeing  my  self  any  thinner  ..  But  with  alot  of   prayer  adn   support  I  am   very  happy  and  comfortable  with  who  I  am  ..  Even  better  yet  I  like  Me!!   Look  in  the  mirror  each day  and  tell  your  self   how  healthy  and   beautiful  you  are ..  You  will  soon   learn  to believe  that !!!  Hugs,  Tami

Thank you Tami, It's the same with me, I am physically fine, all is well, just had labs done and all. At least it's over with, the comments have been made and I can work through this just as you said. Just didn't know it would hit me so hard, I think it's because they know what I have gone through all these years and on second thought...they really don't, it's like she thought I was obsessed or something instead of just trying to live healthy.

It really does take awhile. We've been thru SO much in such a relatively short period of time and I think that's hard for our brains to process~I think its hard for everyone else to process too! My therapist has recommended that I try to have an "attitude of gratitude" on a daily basis and  it is kind of helping (although I've only been trying it our for the last month or two). Hang in there!

what does your therapist want you to think about specifically? I try to be thankful for everything, but I i'll try it too.

It can really focus on anything, but she would like  me to try to focus on  my self image when possible to try to build up my self esteem. It can be something as simple as saying "thank you for being able to walk up a flight of stair without getting out of breath". On bad days it could be "thank you for this day and help me to try to  make the most of it". I like to say thanks for my body strength and ability to exercise regularly. It could be something completely vain like "thank you for allowing me to feel thin today!" She also encourages  me to look in a mirror and look myself in the eye and try to be honest with myself~that's not always easy. On days when I feel bad about myself sometimes its hard to find anything good to say, but she says the more I do it (even when I don't really mean it) the easier it will get and hopefully it will just  become my  normal way of thinking about myself.

tracy b - i was attracted to your stats - they are almost identical to mine - i had my Y surgery on march 1, 2006 - on day of surgery i was 325, lowest weight was 145, currently i am at 170 - i am having trouble now that i can eat anything i want - doesn't seem to be any limit anymore and i can feel the weight coming on - any advice? i am 5 feet 9 also. Linda

Wow, our stats ARE really close! I allow myself to bounce around in the 150's, but hope not to see 160 again. If I see myself getting to that upper limit then I cut back and really keep track of what I'm eating. I still try to stick to the rules most days~push protein, limit bad carbs, don't drink while eating, etc. I also have a pretty structured work out routine and I think that allows me to eat some extra calories without gaining~if I didn't exercise I would surely gain b/c I too can eat quite a bit now. Some days its so hard b/c I just don't feel like eating properly, but so far I've been able to put those days behind me and get back on track pretty quickly. I have also been in therapy for a few months now and I think that's helping mentally. 170lbs is within normal range for 5'9" so I guess its just a matter of where you feel comfortable with yourself. My surgeon's goal for  me was 165lbs so I'd say you're still doing great!