Problem at work... need advice

Ok.. so I have been at the same job for 25 years and at this job area of work for over 3 years. My boss is a very nice older man but has a rep of being a ladies man. Now he has never approached me in any way so that is not my issue. All of sudden about 6 months ago he started acting weird, almost like he wont look or talk to me. I have spoken to him numerous times and asked if we are ok and he always says yes. Now I have a very lack job that as long as I show up each day, get my job done, he doesnt care what we do. All of a sudden, everything i do is under a micorscope, things that he has never had a problem with is now a problem.

So he called me in the other day and told me.. he doesnt feel comfortable around me anymore.. that he cant trust me. I havent done anything to him or anyone for that matter. I stay in my office, travel to my appointments, do my work and leave. I rarely speak to anyone which is kind of the way our jobs work. It's actually pretty lonely around the office as we are all always traveling and coming and going.

So what have I done to make him all of a sudden uncomfortable with me. he wont look at me, he barely talks to me and when he does he seems to struggle with the conversation. Is it because I have lost weight and I am not the person he has known for the past 25 years. I am not sure what to think. Has anyone experienced a change in their people at work because of their wls and changes in the way they look. I dont think my personality has changed any or that I am doing anything different than what I have been doing.

What do you think...

I think I would have to ask him for specifics.  Generalities are nothing you can work with.  You can't change behavior you are not aware of.  If he is pushed to give you specifics and can not, maybe he will realize it's really nothing about you as it is his ability to relate to you the same.  Maybe someone else will have a better take on this but I for one, have to have exact examples of behavior before i can recognize or change it.  The fact that he says he doesn't feel comfortable around you or trust you can be used against you in an evaluation or separation from the job but it doesn't give you any thing to change AND doesn't prove that you are in the wrong in any instance.  Good luck and keep us posted.  We're pulling for you!

Wow, I don't know what to think?? Why can't he trust you?? If it is due to your change in appearance what the heck does weight have to do with anything?? I think as the above poster said asking for specifics is a good idea b/c how can you change it if you don't know what "it" is??? Good Luck and keep us posted.............

I can relate. I've also had my job for 25 years, with no problems. We have a new office manager and the atmosphere is like the middle school lunchroom. I work for the managing attorney (mostly workers' comp paralegal stuff). I've been told the office manager is threatened by me because of my longevity and connections in the office. She has told the attorneys that I told things that were confidential (which I did NOT do). Some things she has said get back to me, and I'm sure others don't. My reputation has been damaged and I haven't done anything wrong. I wonder if something similar has happened to you??? I'm thinking of leaving, but it would be hard to replace my salary and benefits. I just hate it - it's not the job that I hate, it's all this stupid little-girl political crap.

Same thing here...My boss is a rather big woman and now (after surgery) she treats me differently..I can't figure out why but she "passed me off" to one of her assistants and I'm relatively happy now. I've got the same relationship with my new boss as I used to have with her. I was even invited on a family outing with her and her parents years ago...I don't know what changed but something sure has.

It could be that he now finds himself attracted to you and doesn't know how to handle it. 

Carla, I am sorry that you are having this happen to you. I haven't been in the work place in several years myself, so I can't relate to what has happened to you. I think it has to be his issue, for what ever reason. I hope that you can have an effective dialog with him to get more specifics as to why he feels this way, You do not deserve that kind of treatment. Wishing you all the best, Sher

I agree with Terri, Maybe he feels some type of attraction and is afraid of the "feeling" . Is he married ? Has his wife seen you ? Could be the wife making a big deal out of nothing. I would ask him for specifics , maybe even tell him if he isn't comfortable  talking about it to write it out....( I know it may be bad news for him to do that )

Is this a company with a Human Resource Dept? If so ask for an appointment. Does your boss have a boss? Maybe you need an advocate sitting in on any meetings. I would go along with prior answers that he may be attracted to you and is uncomfortable with his feelings.

Losing weight as we all have, changes the dynamics of relationships, work, social or family. Even at church. I notice that men are attentive but won't issue a compliment if their wives are around - it is awkard.

Good luck with this situation. Let us know how it's going.

Rudie

I'm sorry you are going through this. I haven't had trouble at work like that, but I have had a very dear friend "dump" me for no reason.  I know how really confusing and hurtful that can be.  ESPECIALLY when you cannot figure out why.  I guess they know us one way and cannot adapt when we change.  I know that we also change mentally when our bodies change, no matter how we try to be the same.  I know I became more out going and confident and that was not like me at all before....some people didn't like it, I guess I threatened them and I didn't mean to??? When I started this journey I remember this topic coming up at a support meeting and I couldn't imagine that ever happening to me, but it did.  I am very loyal to my friends, and losing one is VERY hard for me to take, but I think it is common with us, sadly. I think you should talk to him, but don't be surprised if he can't or won't admit how he feels.   I hope it gets better. Hugs- Cindy