Weight Obsession

Thanks Deanna! It is good to know that I'm not alone in my feelings. I am very OCD anyway, so this obsession is a pretty strong one. I agree that on days when I have something going on I seem to do  fine~its just those down days that are harder.

Tracy you started a great thread!!!   I am always busy too and always have my weigth on my mind. I only let myself on the scale once a day now , was tons more, I am afraid if I dont weigh everyday that one day i will get on scale & poof it wll read 360. I know thats not rational but it is real for me.  Today, because of the scale, is a bad day...its my official weigh in day...I see my WL surgeon for my monthly visit and dont ya know my home scale was 199.4 this morning so alll day I have been obsessed with checking my comparrions numbers between my home scale & his scale and am afraid to sip water or eat anything because I dont see him until 5 and dont want to add any more weigth in these few hours. I am currently trying to force feed myself plain canned tuna because I am feeling dizzy but dont want to have that extra 3 oz in my belly when I weigh in. I am so sick of feeling dependent on the damned number. I know I have told you before but ever since his scale read 196 in june I have been oober obsessed with keeping it and so far so good BUT what do I do IF today it is up? Will I pig out? will I not eat for days? I keep telling myself it wouldnt be so bad if I wasnt still so fat but when did I become so ****y to think that 196 pounds size 12 was fat???  Sometime I dont know the person I am today.... SEE how much I can type at lunch when Im not eating :-) UGH Diana 

Oh Diana, I understand!!! I am the same way when I see my surgeon (although I don't see him monthly except at support group  meetings which is bad enough) but I will work hard for several weeks before the appt and then on the day of, there's no eating or drinking for me until I have weighed in. What is wrong with us??? My behavior is so frustrating to  me, but I feel like I can't stop it either. I can easily say to you~eat the tuna. You will feel physically better and it won't make the scale move up, but I cannot follow my own advice even though I know that I'm right. I have to agree with you that 196lbs and a size 12 is not fat~you're way too hard on yourself!!!!  I hope that your appt goes well today!

Docs scale read 198 last night  that makes me up 2 pounds since last month so ofcourse all day Ive been fluxing between thoughts of "why bother anymore, eat what you want" & "well im gonna show him....planning my exerciseing strategy"   I wonder how people who arnt scale obsessed spend their time :-) 

Diana, I'm happy that it read 198~I think that's great!!! You know that 2lbs could be caused by just about anything so it's not a true gain. I know how frustrating it is, but I also know how happy you were just to get that darn thing to read under 200lbs!

Tracy, Thank you for speaking up and sharing, what I have been thinking and dealing with for sometime.  I make my daughter crazy with my conversations about how much I have gained and lost.  It is never a lot because I do catch it before it gets out of control.  I guess normal people do have ups and downs in their weight....?  So I guess - it is something I will have to get help with or just deal with it. My husband and I are retired and have lots of time on our hands, so this winter I plan to keep busy.  What are somethings that will keep you busy while your children are out of the house?  Maybe if we all join in and make suggestions it will be of great help.  Who would have thought that having time to ourselves would lead to worrying about the scale and how it affects out moods.  God bless you and have a better day.

Thanks Deb. I know exactly how you feel! Today to keep busy I had some shopping to do and a few returns to make. I do spend some time on working out every day too. I stay very involved with the school on the PTA. If I have "something" to do for the day I seem to do pretty well, but sometimes on those down days I go off the path a bit. I'm curious to see what others do to stay busy too!

Tracy,

I'm definately obsessed. I'm 15 months out. I'm 5 pounds BELOW my surgeon's goal and 30 pounds lighter than I've been my entire adult life...I weight about 120. When I dipped below to 119 I frightened myself. "What if I can't stop?" So I weight every day sometimes twice a day, three times, to try and make myself feel better about this whole thing. Frightened that I'll go up and frightened that I'll drop another pound or GOD FORBID, two...

Used to be that if I got stressed I would park myself in front of the frig and eat my stress away. Last week I got stressed at work and got so dizzy over not eating that I scared myself and tried to eat. My stomach was closed up tight like a fist...I could NOT eat. So that sent me into a tail spin. I'm going to WLS graduates support group, weekly, because I definately need help in figuring out how to maintain my weight. Im not sure that's the right thing for me but I definately recognize that I have issues with eating and maintaining... I know there are people watching me because they've so much as said that WHEN I gain it back, they'll laugh. Great. All the stress I put myself under and they're watching me, waiting for me to fail. Hubby cheers when I gain a pound...What's that about? It doesn't make me happy to gain a pound but he's afraid for my health. Nothing is helping. I'm a wreck..I measure my food, I weigh it and double check protein values and carb counts..I love cream of wheat cereal but malto meal has more protein. What? 2 more grams of protein per 1 cup serving and I'm worried about switching back to cream of wheat?  I've never been one to have to go to therapy. I just never pictured myself needing it but I'm afraid it's getting really bad...I'm really afraid. If you find an answer, please let me know...I'm just miserable.

I can relate to many things that  you said. When stressed I could go either way~either eat as a coping mechanism or can't eat at all feeling that tight fist in my stomach too. That's really a weird feeling, but its happened to me many times. Sadly, when I'm stressed and it happens I actually kind of like that feeling~it gives me such a high from feeling so in control when in reality I am completely out of control! I think its great that you have access to a support group weekly!!! I sure wish I did! We have a post op meeting once a month and usually so many preops come that we don't ever really get down to many post op issues. I could definitely use something like that to go along with my therapy. In fact, the idea of needing to go to therapy never really crossed my mind until about 2yrs out. I was on such a high from losing the weight and then moving on to maintenance was scary to me and also my emotional eating started to resurface. If you can find someone that specializes in eating disorders I recommend it b/c its helpful to me.  One other thing that you mentioned was people waiting for you to fail~have they actually said that to you?? Is that just how you feel?? I know for sure there are a few, like my SIL, that would LOVE to see me gain weight and be a failure~in fact, nothing would make her happier. Isn't that sad for them!!! It only motivates me more, especially when I know I'll be seeing her b/c I will NEVER give her the satisfaction if I can help it!!!!

Yes. I've had them say "Wait till you gain it back..." It's a horrible feeling.