Please help....

Hello all....I haven't come here in so so long, life has been rough the past year and it keeps on keeping on. My beloved sister passed away in my arms from Cancer, right before Christmas...she had been living with me and I was taking care of her this past year, (along with my disabled husband)...One of the most precious things I've ever done, as well as the hardest. Through all of that, I tore a muscle in my shoulder from lifting, and have been dealing with that. Last month I was diagnosed with COPD/emphasima, and have been trying my best to quit smoking. (please no flames---I know 1st hand that I shouldn't be smoking) Taking Chantix although it kills my stomach! In any case, to get to the point of all of this....I have gained almost 40 pounds, and feel like I am such a failure. My willpower is shot, my self esteem is gone...I'm taking Lexapro to help with depression. Please...I need some encouragement, advice, and a light at the end of the tunnel! Didn't know where to turn....so I came home to the folks that know what I'm talking about! Thank you! Jules

Jules, I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister.  I took care of Mom for many years until she passed, so I know what it is like to be primary caregiver and sharing their fight.   The chief emotion I had to deal with after was guilt.  While I knew it was irrational, I still felt guilty about everything.  Every time I got mad for being woken in the middle of night (maybe that's why I have insomnia now   ), or changing a poo diaper, or not being able to go somewhere because there wasn't any one to take care of her.  This sounds like I was being selfish, but in actuality l took excellent care of Mom.   The guilt lead to pounds (this was pre-surgery), no will power and no self esteem, so I totally understand how you feel. If you just started the Lexapro it should help, give it time.  If you've been taking it long term, talk to your Doc, maybe something else would work better.  Anti-depressants can also help with quitting smoking.  You might also want to consider going to a Therapist. My best suggestion, set aside time each day for Jules.  Do something you enjoy that you haven't done for a while.  Or try something new.  If it involves exercise, all the better!  You have to spend time taking care of yourself.  Your self esteem will return, along with your will power. As far as your tool is concerned, I'm a great believer in the 5DPT.  It's such a good way to get back on track. www.5daypouchtest.com Good luck!   Michele

Im so sorry for the loss of your childhood bestfriend... your sister. Hugs Dont beat yourself up... you have been through alot and coped the best way you could. You are now ready to work on you..   So one step at a time... you know feeling better about yourself makes it easier to care for others. Start working on the pounds then the smoking... one thing at a time or youll get overwhelmed. Keep posting..... we are here Hugs Linda

I too am sorry for your loss.  I lost my sister and parents within a two year period so I know what you are feeling.  I don't know how this would work with your illness but I enjoy dance.  When I am at class, I forget about pain and I feel soooo much better.  Yoga is also good. The best advice I can give is to get a massage, facial and whatever else that would make you feel pampered.  Do something fun that would keep your mind busy.  I have a friend (this is cool) who gets dirt sent to him from Alaska and he pans for gold in his garage.  He showed us some of the nuggets he has found.  I know this probably isn't something that interests you, but that is what he chose to keep busy and have fun.  He also does puzzles, then puts backing on them to frame. So you see, you can do something really fun and productive or something silly and have a blast..  Huuuugzz.  Write back if you want. Paula

I am so sorry for all that you've been thru. You were in the position of having to focus on other people and other things and you  had to come last during that time. Now is time to focus on yourself. Don't beat yourself up~you haven't lost this battle, you've just had a set back. Right now you need to put your needs ahead of everything else~Congratulations on taking the Chantix and trying to quit smoking~it certainly isn't easy!! Fuel your body with good foods, exercise if your able too-even if you can get some walking in daily it will help with your stress and continue to seek out support here, from family/friends, local support group, etc. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! ((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

Jules I am so sorry and my heart goes out to you about your sister.  I know you are feeling so down but know that if God leads to you it, He will lead you through it!   You did the right thing by talking about your feelings and you are NOT alone. I have gained back about 40 pounds too and it stinks, but think of it like this, you are still lighter and healthier than if you would never have had the surgery right? Keep your head up, Lorri

Hello everyone....thank you all so much for the support!!! I had to get offline last night...I got so depressed, I just took a sleeping pill and went to bed! You all gave me some great advice and I appreciate it so much. I went to the doctor this morning, and he told me I needed to change my bedroom around and put all of my sister's things away. (she stayed in my bedroom with me while she was here). I think he's right, I won't be forgetting her, but the reminders are everywhere. Still have her nightstand as it was when she passed, clothes still hung up, robe on the door...etc. But good news...I haven't smoked today! I am trying so hard to quit. Again thank you all for your support. I feel very lucky and blessed to have such fine folks to give me help! Thank you and have a blessed day! Jules

{{{{Jules}}}} It's not a big wonder that you gained some weight...and you really can't feel bad about it, you've had enough to feel bad about.  Quitting smoking is such a huge habit to tackle along with trying to lose weight.  My mom just gave up after 3 months of Chantix when her mom died on Halloween.  She said that the meds made her feel like she had a monster in her stomach.  I have no idea what that means. She's just not ready yet...She has to give herself more time to heal.  So I understand you. I quit smoking 5 years ago after 24 years of being a smoker. Not easy!  I did it with the gum. Then weened myself off of it. It helped with keeping my mouth busy...but I did gain weight.(pre-op) I won't discourage you...but my probelm is as everything I do...I never ask for help and maybe if I did have a support group ...I would not have had to such a hard time. I'll never smoke again...Of that I am certain...But eating...well...gotta eat!  ALL OF US here know all about that! Don't we grads??!!! With all that being said...come in a talk to us...we'll do the best we can to help you. You sound like you want this really bad...and that is a really good sign!  Wanting something is the first step forward...one little baby step at a time...I really don't have any great advice except to stay and let us be your crutches while you learn to take those steps forward.  Look....see that little pin hole at the end of the tunnel?  You just made it by asking for help...it will get larger and lighter... Big bear hugs

Jules, my heart goes out to you.  I think these ladies have given you very good advice.  I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to share with us this sad news in your life.  ((((HUGS)))))  One day at a time and one step forward at a time.  If you have some steps back, it isn't the end of the world.  Just stay focused and keep your heart in the right place. Brandi :~)

Thank you! Thank you!  One day at a time is how I try to live my life. Some days are good....some well, some days I just want to run away!! For now, I have to put quitting smoking my #1 priority...my lung capacity test came back saying my lungs were 88 years old! I just turned 50 (actually 2 days before my sis passed). With the emphysima, I know I have to quit or risk dying from the effects. I am going to the store tonight to stock up on low carb snacks...I know thats where alot of my weight gain is coming from. I have to have something in my hands and mouth at all times it seems!! You all have given me some great advice, and I plan on coming back to OH where I started from! I'll try to give back some advice as you all have given me. Love and Hugs..... My day is so much better already!!! Jules