Stressed out and wanting to eat anything that will hold still. *WARNING* long, sad and maybe...

Dawn - My thoughts and prayers are with you.  Anita is right - have some plans and strategies in place before he is released.  I am so sorry for what you're going through.  {{{Hugs}}} Betsy

Dawn, I am so sorry all this stuff is happening all at once right now. I could have wrote this post ten or fifteen years ago. My ex got out of prison and came looking for trouble too. It took everything I had to keep him out of my house and out of my life. It was not easy.  It took him a few years to screw up but he finally got arrested again and has been in prison ever since. I hope your ex manages to screw up enough to get tossed back into prison without hurting you or your family. He's already managed to do a lot of damage from the sound of things.  I pray that your son finds a way to get past the past and move on to a better future. My son and daughter had to go thru years of counselling and soul-searching. Their adult lives are not perfect but I think they have some peace. Keep being the strong Mom. Remember that you are their role model and their only source of stability. If they don't turn out perfect, that's okay. You will know you did everything you could to work it out. My siblings were no picnic either. My brothers and sisters always saw me as the "lucky" one. I was "daddy's little girl". Well that was when I was a child. My adult life sucked eggs for a long time. In spite of that, they expected me to help them out whenever they needed someone to lean on or borrow money from or be strong when they were weak. They did not expect that they needed to reciprocate. Frankly, I've pretty much cut most of them out of my life. Life is too short to feel guilty because I can't support my entire line up of siblings. One piece of advise that you already know but feel guilty about. Be selfi****ake care of you because no one can do it for you. And stop feeling guilty about it. Everyone else in the world is selfish too. Your sister is trying to take care of herself by getting you to take care of her. She needs to learn to find internal strength and take care of herself. There is no magic fix for mourning. It's just something we all have to experience and find our way thru. Perhaps that is all she needs to know. But you don't owe her peace and happiness. She owes it to herself. Good luck and God Bless.

(((((BIG HUGS)))))) I am so sorry you're going thru all of this. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Dear Dawn, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your children.

From what you have said, it is amazing that you have been able to hold yourself together as well as you have. You are one strong woman. I wish you all the best.

Sher

Dawn, You need to find someone to talk to, besides this board. You need a confidante, or a therapist. Not because you're crazy or anything, but you need a release. You need to hug someone who isn't putting stress on you or doesn't need anything from you right now. Please go to a friend, who can listen and just be there. Or if you have to, see a therapist. Such a person could be your go-to person, who just lets you vent, cry and say what you really feel.  You're not selfish, you're just overloaded. Try to get other family to help hold your sister together, and explain why you need time to think and position yourself and kids for safety right now. My sister lost 2 children, and the agony is really too much to bear. There is no solution, except to keep getting, doing what you have to, and trying to keep your health together. Your sister may have to seek a group of greiving parents who can indetify with her, and give her some venting time as well. Hopefully, since you are the strong woman that you show yourself to be, you will work out what needs to be done. Remember that child services will usually help in cases where a child remembers abuse and refuses to see a parent because of it. Or you may have to get an attorney to help you, along with advocates from a battered/abused women's program. Take care of yourself, your family needs you, and you will come through this and be more comfortable when you resolve some of these issues.